damn it's getting there...
i just realized today that it's downhill now...i'm a senior & this is it...& i found that no matter what i do after high school i won't be happy...so i'm fucked in the ear...lol...i'm having problems w/ danny...(hard to believe right? *ugh*)...anyways...i can't be his friend but if i tell him that then i'll be lost...

why did he fuck up?...

"how long til i'm not just dreaming, how long til somebody cares, how long til i meet an angel to give him my heart, when can i start, how long til i fall in love?"...lyrics from dream...

i found my "angel"...joey...he made me realize that he listens & actually cares...hell he came to the concert tonight...& made me feel important...something i haven't felt in a long while...the concert by the way went ok...it just made me feel like i'm gonna miss out next year...& it makes me feel stupid for not doing it my first 2 years...

damn i'm tired & stressed out now so i'ma go now...talk later...

...

Randy: You are in the middle of being totally
honest and being too nice. You like giving
people secod chances...


Which American Idol Judge Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

a long day ahead of me...
well i'm gonna have to start getting ready to leave for ec in like 40 mins...tonight is the concert, & like lastnight, i'm not excited...but it'll probably change i dunno...i was bummed out lastnight & i kinda couldn't understand why, but oh well...i'm waiting to be disapointed tonight like i always am...it sux i wanted to burn this cd but something on my computer isn't right... :( ...damnit...oh well...i guess i'll be going...i'm gonna have to put in my contacts...*fuck*...there goes like 20 mins of getting ready...lol...talk later...

wish me luck...

do i suck?
had honor band tonight & it was ok...i dunno i just feel outta place & don't want to go tomorrow...i supposed to sell cookies as an incentive for the carrot queen thingy, but i think brad made me see lastnight that basically i'm a total faliure & i mind as well give up...i've never been one to be a quiter, but i just can't do it...*sigh*...i suck...

lately i feel like joey's holding back from me, like there's something wrong, but i can't help...it's like that other post from yesterday..."how can i help you if i can't even help myself?"...*sigh*...once again, i suck...

what if something was wrong w/ him & i couldn't do anything?...damn i'm the worst gf i swear...*sigh*...

well i'm really tired, so i'm gonna stay online like i usually do...talk later...

damnit all to hell
brad told me my name was stupid...no no no not my name my sn on messenger...i dunno i think we fucked up our friendship...*ugh*...damn emotions...

i'm sorry...

*grr* talk later...

*yay* i got contacts!
yeah i got them today...they were a bitch to put in...but it's coo...hopefully i'll get colored ones in the next 2 weeks when i go back...tomorrow i have the last of my finals so that's gonna be exciting...i'm getting out of math analysis class to t.a. for mr. cox...at least i'll still be somewhat working in the department of math so that's coo...more than likely it's just grading papers (which i did when i had his class & trust me they were so easy, i even finished all my homework in there & the grading papers before the class ended...but then again that's just me)...& he'll probably send me to get him cokes...he's a coke freak...so yeah that's gonna be interesting...

so yeah...talk later...

"i am so sick of speaking words that no one understands, is it clear enough that you can't live your whole life all alone, i can hear you in a whisper but you can't even hear me screaming"
i just can't stand ppl anymore, maybe just because i'm on my rag, i dunno...but i can only stand to listen to so many ppl before i just want to punch ppl...just some ppl i can't help anymore...

i can't even help myself, so how can i be of any help to you?...

talk later...

another damn day...
i'm so bored right now...my period was killing me today...the fucking drummers pist me off, but i didn't get to hit them like i would've...lol...school was alrighty i guess...mac's final was alrighty i guess too...i could've done better, but whatever...i'm worried bout all my other finals, but whatever too...lol...i'm in an "alrighty, i guess, whatever" mood eh?...anyways, i saw my step mom & i got kinda bummed out cuz i didn't feel like she wanted to see me, like i was there to just sign a paper (i had to sign something for insurance or something)...so yeah...i started to cry a little & bitched bout it, & i didn't realize my step bro was behind me...it's not that i hate them, i hate myself for leaving the way i did...& i have this feeling they hate me...maybe i'm better off i dunno, but i just hate how that whole situation makes me feel...& if reuben were to read this, i'd want him to know that i dont' hate them & that i didn't mean to be bitching, cuz i was just bummed out big time...*sigh*...anyways, i'm still thinking of ways to sell my damn tickets...chavez is more interested in this, which is a great motivator for me, but i only have a week left to sell like an avg of 2,000 tickets...if anyone wants to buy them, comment please...anyways, i'ma go & study...lol yeah right...talk later...

so another morning...
*ugh* i started my period today...joey predicted last night that i would, so he gets a gold star!...lol...*...see there it was...not so gold, but what can you do really?...anyways, he was really cute last night...when he was dropping me off i fell asleep...he parked & tried to wake me up softly by kinda shaking my hand & putting his face near mine...& the sweetest thing he told me..."hey, we're home."...like we're actually living together & him saying "we're home" was just the greatest feeling...then i woke up...literally...& he's not living with me...he walked me to my door & we went our seperate ways for the night...but it was so cute...*sigh*...oh well...i've got finals this week starting today...thank god we don't have a final for band...but i have to take mac's final for a midsummer night's dream...so yeah i think i'll do ok on it...well talk later...

this just seems to be such a great song i guess...
i'm feeling like crap...i felt like ppl were ignoring me today for the sole purpose of popularity or something...& ppl were just using me for odd things...i guess maybe it's just that i'm feeling sick...i dunno...i don't feel like going to the radio station today...*ugh* i just don't know...talk later...

hmm...i dunno...i don't think it's correct....

You Should Consider Taking a Break!

boring boring boring...

yeah i'm kinda bored...i'ma dye my hair black today...hopefully i get to see the ppl i want to see...i know brad won't be one of them...i think, well you know what? i don't know what to think anymore...but i do know that there are some ppl that need to realize something...IF I PUT A NAME IN CODE THAT MEANS I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU WHO THE FUCK IT IS K?...

ok...talk later...

oh lordy!

I scored 62½% on the classic 400 Point Purity Test!

Take the test here!

nice ;)

so...
well joey did come over today...it helped since i had kinda a bad morning...god i just felt like shit earlier...well i'm kinda feeling better, i have a stuffy nose right now...hopefully my dad takes me out cuz i want to dye my hair tonight...i need to do something different again...lol...well talk later...

i woke up...damn
well i didn't get to talk to brad last night...or even joey...actually not even danny, & there some ppl may be thinking somethings wrong...well whatever...i think i'm getting sick, so i'm debating whether or not i should go to church...i really don't feel like seeing a bunch of ppl there...it would require me to get up off my lazy ass...*oi*...my dad wants to hang out today, but i don't really want to do that either...i have a feeling i may see joey, but i dunno...& to be honest, i'm not sure if i really want to...oh well...i'm tired & bored out of my mind...i could go...but i'm too tired to even drive...but i bet most of you are thinking, "but i bet you're not tired of getting online right?"....lol yeah i guess you could say...anyways...well i'm gonna figure out somethings & i'll talk later...

damnit
brad turned out to be a coo guy...kinda sux though, not that he's coo, but yeah...i think some ppl may know where this one is going...anyways, in other news, i figured out that i need to tell danny straight up somethings bout us, but it's all bout timing right? right...as for my little problem earlier, i dunno what i have to do to get joey's family to trust me...the worst thought i had bout that today was maybe making them think they're right & leave, but i couldn't...it's selfish & stupid...the only way i'd really leave like that is if they actually asked me to...& maybe even then i dunno...*sigh*...
i think i'm gonna start my period soon cuz i'm not feeling to great anymore...ni modo eh?...well i'ma get going...waiting impatiently to see if brad will get online or call tonight...lol...talk later...

bored yet again, but yeah

You Will Be an Unconventional Bride!

You social butterfly, you.


What kind of popular highschooler are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
heh heh...yeah fking right...

well a friend is gonna come over & set up my webcam if he ends up getting it...wow, that reminds me...lastnights convo, let's just call him 'brad'...well anyways, he's coo & it's kinda funny that i thought of him this week...lol...

i'm not sure if i'm gonna see joey today, but more than likely so...well i've got nothing much to say other than i'm bored...lol...talk later...

oh yeah ppl please comment no matter how dumb you think it is...lol thanx...

~* ALL ABOUT YOU*~
whats your full name?:	Rebecca Andrea Alaniz
what do your friends call you?:	Becky
your parents when they're pissed at you?:	Rebecca w/ a mexican accent ->Reveca
what name do you enjoy being called?:	Becky
how old are you?:	17
whens your b-day?:	Oct. 13, 1986
where were you born?:	El Centro, CA
when were you born?:	4:20 pm
color of eyes?:	brown
color of hair?:	dark-brown
height?:	5ft even
weight?:	usually round 120
sixe of jeans you wear?:	7
size of shirt you wear?:	smalls or mediums
size of shoes you wear?:	6 - 6 1/2...4 in converse
size of underwear/boxers?:	5
(for girls only) size of bra you wear?:	heehee...34 or 36 B
~~Favorites~~
fav color?:	red, black, pink
fav clothing garment?:	my striped stockings
fav possession?:	my stuffed animal...gizmo
fav person?:	joey
fav thing to do?:	go out
fav animal?:	...
fav food?:	chicken, soup, pizza, pasta
fav movie?:	either walk to remember or how to deal
fav book?:	bye bye, miss american pie
fav place to go?:	anywhere but here really
~!~about the opposite sex~!~
do looks matter?:	no not completely
what color hair?:	dark i guess
what color of eyes?:	any, but i have a weakness for green eyes
hands or lips?:	hmm...lips
skinny or fat?:	shouldn't matter...but in the past they've been skinny
describe a nice body:::	one i can love w/out judging
~*~HAVE YOU?!~*~
ever been kissed?:	yes
ever made out?:	yes
ever had a relationship, if so how many?:	yes, bout 10
ever had sex?:	yes
ever do anything sexually?:	yes
ever do anything sexually with the same sex?:	...yes
ever gotten drunk?:	yes
ever gotten high?:	nope
ever smoked?:	yes
ever stolen?:	yes
ever gotten caught for something naughty you did?:	yes
ever cheated on a test/quiz?:	yes
ever cheated on a person?:	yes
ever physically hurt someone?:	yes
ever emotinally hurt someone?:	yes
ever lost a friend over a guy/girl that you liked?:	yes
ever regreted something you did?:	yes, all the time ;)
if so, what?:	can we not talk bout that one?
ever gotten into a car accident?:	nope
ever been in a life/death situation?:	i think i have
ever been arrested?:	nope
***WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME...***
you, failed a test/quiz?:	bout 2 wks ago
you, got dumped?:	bout 10 months ago
you, got asked out?:	bout 9 months ago
you, got into a fight? (physcial/virbal):	hmm...when was the last time i talked to danny?...lol...um...sometime today maybe, but not w/ him
you, masterbated?:	the other night
you, had sex?:	can't remember honestly...it's been a while...it wasn't yesterday i know that much
you, kissed someone?:	bout an hour ago
you, hugged someone?:	bout an hour ago
you cried?:	this past sunday when i saw big fish
you smiled?:	a few mins ago i'm sure
you laughed?:	maybe a few more mins than the previous
you cried over happiness?:	this past sunday when i saw big fish
you danced naked?:	dont' recall that one before
you recieved an IM?:	bout a min ago
you heard the words "i love you?":	bout an hour ago
you watched a classic kids tv program?:	lastnight
you went to a concert?:	2 years ago
you drove a car?:	2 days ago
you flew in a plane?:	2 or 3 years ago
you skipped?:	haha that was today i 'memeber
you told someone " i love you"?:	bout an hour ago
you argued with your parents?:	not in a long time...i think in october
^*^ RANDOMNESS^*^:
have you ever dyed your hair?:	yes
ever watched an animal eat another animal?:	nope..well on tv yeah
ever been to a boxing game?:	nope
ever disturbed a quiet place with random screaming/yelling?:	yes
ever saw the movie Finding Nemo?:	yes way too many times :D
ever had imaginary friends?:	yes, still do lol
ever believed in fantasy creatures? (ex: dragons, fairys.):	yes
ever look yourself in the mirror and see someone else?:	yeah i think i have
ever see a ghost?:	i swear i did
ever "enter" the other world then come back? (seeing the light..ect.):	nope
ever had a survey before?:	yes
did you like this survey?:	yes

xsickittiex's *gasp* MAKES YOUR BORDOM VANISH! brought to you by BZOINK!

...o...k...

Three things that scare me:
1:	death
2:	losing the one i love
3:	failure
Three people who make me laugh:
1:	joey
2:	denisse
3:	my dad
Three Things I love:
1:	joey
2:	food
3:	music- Evanescence to be exact, but everything else is coo too
Three Things I hate:
1:	assumptions
2:	guacamole
3:	my life
Three things I don't understand:
1:	my life
2:	danny
3:	why the sky is blue
Three things on my desk:
1:	cd player
2:	picture of me & joey @ prom
3:	phone
Three things I'm doing right now:
1:	listening to music
2:	typing
3:	singing along to the music
Three things I want to do before I die:
1:	get married
2:	go to college
3:	be a professional musician or singer
Three things I can do:
1:	drive
2:	play "the toughest instrument"...the french horn
3:	write songs
Three ways to describe my personality:
1:	goofy
2:	kinda bubbly at times
3:	real & down-to-earth
Three things I can't do:
1:	swim
2:	get 1st chair in the trumpet section
3:	get married tonight :(

Three Things brought to you by BZOINK!

not i, i WILL survive...do do do...
yeah i'm kinda dorky right now as if you couldn't read my mood...*oi*...well i'm a ball of mixed emotions right now...i'm all happy-go-lucky cuz i think (& hope) that joey & i are over the scariest part of the engagement...so we're good...& lina & i are good now...somehow i feel like ben & i aren't on good terms much anymore, but i dunno...
i'm kinda mad though for a few reasons: danny (no really, tell me what's new), mr. rodgers, & myself...danny, cuz he's him...no actually we argued bout something today & it just felt like he was holding a grudge over me so yeah...mr. rodgers, well let's just make it damn clear that as long as my dad lets me i'm dropping his class...i don't need to stress out there...myself, cuz i'm lazy & still need to do my fking laundry...lol...
i've been filling out apps for scholarships today, so that's coo...it's cold right now...damn that sux...hopefully joey & i get to see either chasing liberty or big fish tomorrow...i've already seen big fish, & i really recomend it...i didn't think i'd like it, but it was so fking great...WOW...anyways...
i was thinking bout this a few days ago...i need to start playing guitar again...let my anger out there...& i need to write more songs...hmm...
that reminds me, jorge is gonna move to mexicali, which is coo...but he still wants to keep the band going (or starting actually)...& he want's us to practice there, which i'm not really for...i dunno why, but i'm sure we'll figure something out for that...well i think i gtg & eat...but i'll be back later...i usually am...talk later...

i love you joey ;)