::
2003 27 August :: 10.04 pm
last one i promise
once
me and jill were talkin bout our worst fears..
i left one out
a big one.
the worst one.
my worst fear EVER is that jill would kill herself.
thats not only my worst fear, but my worst nightmare, and the single most worst thing that could ever happen
thats enough thoughts for one day.
catch me.. |
::
2003 27 August :: 9.55 pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: none..
::yet another freakin entry::
random ppl who r readin my journal prolly think im like a lez. n im like obsessed with jill so here ill further those thoughts,.....bout im not a lez tha second part mite be tru tho..lol
today, sucked.
i have no idea why
ever since i got home ive jus been completly...empty
i dont even no y
i had a great day at school
but i get home and..
NO jill
not a letter not a phone call not a email not an IM session
not readin a letter from her, and a email, IMin her, drawing and talkin to her on yahoo, IMin her on MSN, and talkin to her on tha phone..all at tha same time
nope.
not once.
and its like screwed up mah hole day
its like part of my daily rutine..
like wen sumone wakes up every single morning for years and years and had a cup of coffee first thing, then goes n gets ready n goes to work or whatever and then one day he wakes up and hes outta coffee *gasp* it throws off his whoooole day!!
thats how it is.
its like part of my day
it makes my day
today, it broke mah day
i wake up do my homework go online and jilly is on! then i get dressed eat, occasionally..go to school..get home..tlak to jilly..and then talk to her some more..do a lil homework take a shower ..go to bed..and then it starts all over gain
today was missin my best, and most important part of tha day
and i dont know how many more days i can stand of this
its like gettin an INCOMPLETE on a paper
its not an A its not a F
its an imcomplete
which means wut u thought u were done with is gonna haunt u till u "COMPLETE IT" it..
thats wut a day with out jilly is...
fucked up
and incomplete
thats one of the scariest things bout loosin her for good ..
a life time ful of days with out jill.
big fat red INCOMPLETE rite on tha top of my life story....
god..im counting the freakin minutes till i have a reason to go to bed and get this fukin day over with.........**1 hour and 26 minutes...**
catch me.. |
::
2003 27 August :: 9.29 pm
p.s. another dumass today is all t hez F'n ppl who registered names n dont F'n write in there fukin journals!! GESH a waste of perfectly good space and names!! AGGGH!
catch me.. |
::
2003 27 August :: 9.06 pm
well..
since i cant tell jilly this im jus gonna tell mah journal..which no one but her will read in bout 2 weeex anyway but it feels good jus to talk bout it..haha
ok so chelsie got this poem from her boyfriend..its sooooo lame! its like seriously soooo gay!! its not even funny ok hold on ill paste it::
As i look up 2 da starz i write ur name in da sky i like u so very much bout dis i can not lie 3 monthz ago when i asked u out at this prospect i was scared u were my first kiss im glad it wasnt a dare as i danced wit u i couldnt help but stare u r so beautiful is wut i shoulda said der if u broke up wit me i would jus ask 4 who it woulnt only break our realtionship it would break my heart to.
haha the first part is cute but tha rest is so gay!! im sorry but i like lied n sed it wuz cute and everything but seriously..wut a fukin dumasses! and she thinx shes a bad ass now cuz she made out with a guy!! o wipptey fukin doo! it was prolly for like a half a second anyway..ha..ha..ha
tha other dum ass event of my day came from jamie ..shes like 10..ahem im sorry 11 and she thinx shes "depressed" for like tha fukin dumest reasons ..its fukin funny
lilblondy95663 (5:32:11 PM): hay wassup ??
xOlilduckyx (5:32:30 PM): bye
lilblondy95663 (5:32:35 PM): huh ??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Session concluded at 5:32:38 PM
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lilblondy95663 (5:32:42 PM): watz rong howcome yure mad ??
lilblondy95663 (5:32:53 PM): im stil frinz wit jill ...
lilblondy95663 (5:33:15 PM): no seriously brit !! c'mon watz rong ?? ...
xOlilduckyx (5:33:32 PM): good for you! wow! im still best "frinz" with jill
lilblondy95663 (5:33:42 PM): i no !!
lilblondy95663 (5:34:07 PM): howcome yure mad at me ?? i would neva replace nebodi wit mi bff !! im not even cloze to bes frinz wit jill !!
xOlilduckyx (5:35:08 PM): bye
lilblondy95663 (5:35:14 PM): wat !?!?
xOlilduckyx (5:35:48 PM): bye, its the oposite of hi, u say it wen leavin someone or wen u stop talking
lilblondy95663 (5:35:58 PM): wtf yure sooooo mad at me fo no reazon watsoeva !! yure bein jus like jermey !! sheesh !!
lilblondy95663 (5:36:17 PM): thatz realli gai brit acoz i didn do NUFIN
xOlilduckyx (5:36:26 PM): i know, ur deprived
lilblondy95663 (5:36:34 PM): im wat ??
xOlilduckyx (5:36:43 PM): Buuhhbye!
lilblondy95663 (5:36:48 PM): wait wateva im not im sucha bad mood todai !! fuck u bitch !!
lilblondy95663 (5:36:55 PM): yure a dirty slut that uzez jill !!
xOlilduckyx (5:37:00 PM): awwwwwwe!
xOlilduckyx (5:37:16 PM): someone had a bad day..:-(
xOlilduckyx (5:37:18 PM): not again !
xOlilduckyx (5:37:26 PM): yea im a diry slut..haha
xOlilduckyx (5:37:33 PM): how wuld u know haha thats soooo funny !
lilblondy95663 (5:37:45 PM): brit
xOlilduckyx (5:37:47 PM): ...BeBye
lilblondy95663 (5:37:51 PM): ya no im not havin a bad dai todai !!
lilblondy95663 (5:37:56 PM): sheesh guezz u r !!
xOlilduckyx (5:38:07 PM): no i had a good day i just dont like u bye
lilblondy95663 (5:38:11 PM): i hope jill hatez u n starts to get in sooooo mani fites wit u !!
xOlilduckyx (5:38:21 PM): that will neva happen thanks:-)
lilblondy95663 (5:38:25 PM): fuck u ya dirty slut bitch motha fucka !!
lilblondy95663 signed off at 5:38:28 PM.
hahha wut a fuker! jus for xtra kiks this wuz clipz from yesterday::
xOlilduckyx (6:33:37 PM): was wrong
lilblondy95663 (6:34:00 PM): nofin
lilblondy95663 (6:34:25 PM): itz too complicatin ... u kan ask jillerz acoz im gettin more depressed az i talk bout it
xOlilduckyx (6:34:36 PM): jus tell meh
lilblondy95663 (6:34:55 PM): i cant
lilblondy95663 (6:35:01 PM): im like almost crien now
lilblondy95663 (6:35:03 PM): ask jill
xOlilduckyx (6:35:45 PM): almost..wow
lilblondy95663 (6:35:54 PM): yea
lilblondy95663 (6:36:16 PM): yea but im holdin it in
xOlilduckyx (6:37:04 PM): o man!
xOlilduckyx (6:38:04 PM): :-(
lilblondy95663 (6:39:42 PM): i no
xOlilduckyx (6:40:03 PM): u must be sooo sad..why dont ya tell me whats wrong!
lilblondy95663 (6:40:17 PM): acoz im too depressed
xOlilduckyx (6:40:28 PM): ur depressed?..rite
lilblondy95663 (6:40:56 PM): no seriously im an 11 yr old n im not aposed to b thiz depressed !! i feel like killen miself
xOlilduckyx (6:41:14 PM): riiiite
lilblondy95663 (6:41:49 PM): wateva b a bitch to me
lilblondy95663 (6:44:53 PM): lisen im in a crabby mood n ill backfire !!
xOlilduckyx (6:44:53 PM): u dont no wut tha fuk dpression even is
lilblondy95663 (6:44:59 PM): yea i do !!
xOlilduckyx (6:45:00 PM): ooo wow..im skard!!
lilblondy95663 (6:45:04 PM): mi god !!
lilblondy95663 (6:45:20 PM): bof mi fav grandparents died im soooooooo cloze to them i no wat depression iz !!
lilblondy95663 (6:45:33 PM): then like ya mi fav dog died !! thei put him to sleep !!
xOlilduckyx (6:46:35 PM): omg !!
xOlilduckyx (6:46:44 PM): u dont jus wake up one day and become depressed tho
lilblondy95663 (6:46:53 PM): ive ben dude ...
lilblondy95663 (6:47:03 PM): dude thiz haz ben goin on fo bout 2 yrs or 4 now !!
xOlilduckyx (6:47:18 PM): omfg! since u were like 6!!!
lilblondy95663 (6:47:18 PM): sheesh itz not jus "one dai" !!
lilblondy95663 (6:47:22 PM): no
xOlilduckyx (6:47:28 PM): 7..im sorry 7
lilblondy95663 (6:47:53 PM): yea
lilblondy95663 (6:51:19 PM): so i didn jus wake up one dai !!
xOlilduckyx (6:51:28 PM): O WOW!!!
xOlilduckyx (6:51:32 PM): I FEEL SO SORRY FOR YOU!
lilblondy95663 (6:51:49 PM): rite im shure yure jus bein sarcastic
xOlilduckyx (6:51:59 PM): yes im sorry i am
xOlilduckyx (6:52:03 PM): :-Pbye
xOlilduckyx (6:52:23 PM): i dont wanna become depressed like you..it seems sooo hard..im sorry ur almost crying try to hold back tha tears..later
lilblondy95663 (6:52:48 PM): yure bein a bitch ya no
xOlilduckyx (6:53:47 PM): i know hun..goodbye niw
lilblondy95663 (6:53:59 PM): y ??
lilblondy95663 (6:54:09 PM): jus acoz u don thinx i no wat bein depressed iz n i do ??
xOlilduckyx (6:55:20 PM): leave me alone, i dont talk to depressed ppl!
lilblondy95663 (6:55:20 PM): wateva yure a bitch rite now i stil luve ya but ya no thatz realli rude
catch me.. |
::
2003 27 August :: 8.57 pm
:: Mood: crakin up
omfg..this is the first day, in like fukin ever that i havnt talked to jill..shes fukin grounded and for stupid shit to! and gawd i hate her fukin mom so fukin much wuts her fukin problem ..dang..anyway i miss jilly so much thO dang its not even funny dang i need to talk to her today...eegggh! and i need to tell her bout all this stuff bout chels and jamie, and shes tha only one who will think its funny and make fun of them wit me..but corse thats not gonna happen
catch me.. |
::
2003 26 August :: 6.56 pm
SillYLiLJiLLY623: OMFG BRITTANY!?
xOlilduckyx: yea??!
SillYLiLJiLLY623: IM SO DEPRESSED...
xOlilduckyx: omg why!!!?!
SillYLiLJiLLY623: CUZ LIKE DUDE MY KITTY CAT DIED
SillYLiLJiLLY623: AND DEN
xOlilduckyx: OMFG!!
xOlilduckyx: IM SO SORRY!!!!
SillYLiLJiLLY623: MY BOYFRIEND BROKE UP WIT ME
xOlilduckyx: OMMMMMG!!
SillYLiLJiLLY623: AND MY FRIENDS ALL HATE ME
xOlilduckyx: U POOR THING
xOlilduckyx: OMMMG!
SillYLiLJiLLY623: AND MY MOM TRIED TO EAT ME:-)
xOlilduckyx: OMFG JILL!!!
xOlilduckyx: lmao
SillYLiLJiLLY623: lmao :-D
xOlilduckyx: i really need your help jill..im gonna kill mah self tonite..
SillYLiLJiLLY623: holy shit why?
xOlilduckyx: im serously sooo depressed that i have a FROWN on my face!!
xOlilduckyx: well ..
SillYLiLJiLLY623: lol a frown!?
xOlilduckyx: my goldfish has the flu!!!
SillYLiLJiLLY623: holy fuckin shit
SillYLiLJiLLY623: dats horrible!
SillYLiLJiLLY623: r u gonna die?
SillYLiLJiLLY623: r u okay?
SillYLiLJiLLY623: holy shit?
xOlilduckyx: annnnd my best friend said she was mad at me !!!!
SillYLiLJiLLY623: OMFG!
xOlilduckyx: I KNOW
SillYLiLJiLLY623: IT WILL BE OKAY
xOlilduckyx: NO IT WONT
SillYLiLJiLLY623: :-P
xOlilduckyx: cuz on top of allll that!
SillYLiLJiLLY623: OH YES IT WILL ASSHOLE!
xOlilduckyx: this guy i like..hes really hot..and we always smiled at each other in the hall! he didnt smile today!!!
xOlilduckyx: OMG!!! i THOUGHT WE HAD SUMTHIN!
xOlilduckyx: ...goodbye jill..im going to scratch myself to death ..goodbye
SillYLiLJiLLY623: HOLY SHIT
SillYLiLJiLLY623: OMFG
SillYLiLJiLLY623: HE DIDNT SMILE?
SillYLiLJiLLY623: DID HE FROWN?
xOlilduckyx: YES
SillYLiLJiLLY623: OR MAKE A FACE?
xOlilduckyx: ITS TRU!
xOlilduckyx: HE...
xOlilduckyx: JUS STOOD THERE!
SillYLiLJiLLY623: HOLY SHIT
xOlilduckyx: I was so embarrsed!!
xOlilduckyx: ANNNND!
SillYLiLJiLLY623: UR LIKE GOING TO DIE AINT YA
xOlilduckyx: yes
xOlilduckyx: im pretty sure i am
xOlilduckyx: and i have been depressed since i was 5..
xOlilduckyx: months old
xOlilduckyx: its terrible
SillYLiLJiLLY623: HOLY SHIT
SillYLiLJiLLY623: BRITT
xOlilduckyx: i know
SillYLiLJiLLY623: U JUS HAVE SUCHA HORRIBLE LIFE
xOlilduckyx: and ive kept it in side
SillYLiLJiLLY623: OMFG I FEEL SO BAD
xOlilduckyx: once wen i was 7..I almost cried
SillYLiLJiLLY623: ALMOST CRIED?
SillYLiLJiLLY623: DATS HORRIBLE
SillYLiLJiLLY623: GEEZ O PEETS
SillYLiLJiLLY623: dont kill urself
SillYLiLJiLLY623: i mite ALMOST cry
SillYLiLJiLLY623: :-( *sniffle sniffle*
..haha me and jillerz makin fun all thoz little fuckers..ahaha..good times i love this girl soo much we think tha xact same i swear hehe i know u
catch me.. |
::
2003 25 August :: 8.30 am
:: Mood: tired
i HATE mondays
i know almost everyone does
but i HATE them super much
there seriously my least favorite thing ever..
well almost..
ruff..............i wonder if i go bak to sleep i wont wake up gain till friday?
catch me.. |
::
2003 24 August :: 4.33 pm
:: Mood: thoughtful
:: Music: change
ive been thinkin bout who im gonna pick for like 'the best of the best'
those things r so fukin lame..
seriously..its like a pop. contest..all tha queens and kings of our school pick wut they wanna be and tel everyone to vote for them, and of corse, all tha other lil zombies with no mind of there own who wanna be xactly like them vote for them, it doesnt matter if the catagory is bullshit like "cuttest couple"..all the couples in middle school last for like a week tops...by the time we vote and the time the year book comes out everyone will probably laugh there heads off in disquest that they ever went out, and the ppl who got voted will be mortified that they were standin even in the same room with the two faces leing cheating ass/bitch and go around crossing out the picture in everyones year book..with that being said..
best smile::jenna i guess..dont no which guy..ill havta lOok
best eyes:: kevin((but i dont think ill be voting him)) and i donno which girl
best dressed::NOT SAMANTHA!!...i hate her vloths damn it and everyones gonna pik her as freakin if..im gonna look round for that one too
class clowm::marissa!!..she totaly deserves it !! ill tink bout tha dude
biggest flirt::jordan..too many girlz..
most athletic::i donno..
most likely to sucseed::i donno...
best hair::lindsey does have great hair but..
best personailty::RYAN..i dont know who else
even tho i HATE those freakin elections..it wuld be good to be in jus one of em..jus one
right.
catch me.. |
::
2003 23 August :: 4.54 pm
you were like a get of jail free card
i didnt exspect to use it
but jus knowing it was there
kept me dedicated
you were some one i knew i could call
even though i never picked up the phone
its jus knowing you answer
that you would be home
thats what kept me motivated
you were the apple of my eye
the secret behind my smile
knowing your smile was aimed at me
kept me in line
i thought we would always be..fine
now its too late
im outta cards to play
and you arent home
off smiling at some one new..
catch me.. |
::
2003 23 August :: 7.34 pm
I turned my eyes away from you.
but when I looked back
your smile was STILL there,
resting on BROKEN wings
. I'll carry YOU and the weight of YOUR sins along with, the demons on MY BACK.
even if I stumble and fall...
I'll live the lines of this book
that NEVER ends.
pick ME up with bloody hands
I'd give it ALL for this.
THIS WISH.
that love will last FOREVER.
you tilt your head TO the starlit sky,
with ONE word.
I cut US both. ...
we bleed and bleed...
will THREE words heal these wounds...{forever and ever}
I'll wipe the tears from YOUR eyes...
{forever and ever}
with ONE word.
I cut US both.
as we write new chapters to OUR story.
I'll burn the pages that are your past.
and as. the wind. stirs the ashes...
a NEW. your NEW. our NEW beginning...
I turned my eyes away from you.
but when I looked back your smile was STILL there,
resting on BROKEN wings.
-odd project
catch me.. |
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