::
2004 12 November :: 4.28 pm
:: Mood: heartbroken
--complete cute. this is exactly what i want...
tell her you think that she's cool. tell her why you think she's so cool. smell her. talk to her in movie theatres. pick her up and pretend you're going to throw her in the river, she'll scream and fight you but secretly, she'll love it. hold her hand and skip. hold her hand and run. just hold her hand. pick her flowers out of other people's gardens and give them to her. tell her she looks pretty. let her pay for stuff if she wants to. introduce her to your friends as 'the coolest girl i know'. sit in the park and talk to her. take her to the library and playgrounds and train stations. tell her dirty jokes. tell her stupid jokes. talk about politics. write poems about her. just walk around with her. throw pebbles at her window at night, when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. take her to shows of bands she's never heard. hold her hand in the mosh pit. let her fall asleep in your arms. call her. call her back if she calls you. sing to her, no matter how bad you are. carve your names into a tree. get her mad, then kiss her. give her piggy-back rides. go see her band play even if they really suck. and tell her that they were great. give her space if she needs it. push her on swings. stay up with her all night when she's sick. make up pet names for her, but cool ones, not sappy ones. teach her guitar. lend her your cds. write on her. make her mixtapes. write her letters. if she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even it it means a 5 hour train trip. take her to cool shops and let her take you to even cooler ones. listen to all the bands she mentions. dont tell her that her favorite bands suck. when shes sad hang out with her or stay on the phone even if shes not saying anything. buy her ice cream. when you find out that she used to be a teenybopper dont bag her about it. let her take all the photos of you she wants. look into her eyes. slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. kiss her in the rain. when you fall in love with her, tell her.
2 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 11 November :: 7.11 pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: beautiful soul by jesse mccartney
i dont want my love to go to waste...
WORST DAY EVER:
-had a weird night last night. didnt get much sleep.
-POFL book wasnt in my locker and i had the test today.
-^^that led to me crying before first hour.
-took POFL test, bullshitted most of it, grr.
-spanish was jus down right gay.
-lunch-fucking dr.pepper was sold out so i push mountain dew and i get a fucking PINEAPPLE SUNKIST. wtfff. it was the most disgusting thing ever.
-while walking to lunch i dropped the stupid soda shit and it exploded everywhere on teh ground so i jus lef it.
-gustavo kept hitting me.
-fucking janitor like swept my ass (lol niki)
-pierciing boy was not at school.
-got a 76 on my history test=more crying.
-math was soooo gay. wtf how the fuck to u factor? jesus christ. im swear im gunna fucking dropout.
-arsalan fucking made me spill my other soda all over the computer in math class.
----after school met up with nicole to help her study for her math test and we met up with chris and jeremy and amanda and maria. it was fun things were looking up. ha yeahh ok...
-people pissed me off=morrre crying cuz im a gay faggot who cries instead of getting mad and yelling or w/e the fuck ppl do.
-and now im thinking about things which is making me sad. god im such an idiot.
(maybe tomorrow will be better?)
--fuck this shit--
2 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 11 November :: 6.36 pm
--stole this from nicole cuz i absolutely love it.
Somewhere b e t w e e n procrastination.... and homework.... and the incessant fowards.... and the friendships.... and the calls to each other complaining about crushes.... Somewhere b e t w e e n phone calls to o l d f r i e n d s.... And the “I miss you's” and "I love you's".... And the "What are we doing tonight?'s”... And somewhere b e t w e e n growing & changing.... And somewhere b e t w e e n classes.... And the skipping classes.... And the studying for tests.... And the pretending to study for tests.... And the downright NOT studying for tests.... I forgot. I forgot what school is all about.
I forgot what it meant to cry.... I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy.... And that pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart.... I forgot that you just can't forget the past in fear of the future.... I forgot that you can't control falling in love.... And that you can't make yourself fall in love.... I learned that I can love.... I learned that it's okay to mess up.... And it's okay to ask for help.... And it's okay to feel like crap.... I learned its okay to complain and whine to all your friends for a whole day.... Because that's how you know who your true friends are. I learned that sometimes the things you want most you just can't have. I learned that the greatest things about high school isn't the CrAzY parties or the DRiNkInG or the hook-ups....It's the friendships, which means taking chances.... I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget are the things which we most need to talk about.... I learned that letters from friends are the most important thing; And that sending cards to your friends makes you feel better. But basically, I just learned that my friends.... Both o l d and n e w.... Are the most important people to me in the world. And without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. So this is a thank yOu to all of my friends.... For always being there and I love you.
<333
2 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 9 November :: 7.15 pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: iris by goo-goo dolls
and i give up forever to touch you...
today was ok. did absolutely nothing in any of my classes. two out of four had subs in. i lost my ducky at lunch but found it thankfully. fucking sprinted to see piercing boy but missed him, damn! lol. after school chilled with allie camila sum kid and jeremy. then went home. started to study and niki and nicole came on my driveway (where i was reading) and we laid around. nicole was being VERY PSYCHO. lol. she tried to kill me on the chair and i got her wet ahaha. then we walked to wendys and i only have 7 out of 9 lives left since im a fucking klutz. lol!! and niki's crotch cracks. ahahahahaha. it was funn. we talked about how gay we were when we were freshmen. then we all went home and i jus finished having a fucking spaz since my printer wont work and i had to print out spanish hw. so IMed like evry1 and no one had a printer...gah wtf? haha but then the love of my life, ALLIE did it for me. I LOVE YOU!!. haha now i gotta go study for a bout a bazillion other things shitttt i have english hw i forgot about. god damn it...
-suck my ballllls bitch!- (lol niki n' nicole)
<33-janelle
2 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 8 November :: 10.05 pm
today was fine. talked about eggs this morning that was entertaining. 2nd hr was ok. did gay shit. cant even remember what. all i know is i got a 100 and a 95 on my fucking 28 page reading log for POFL. yay! spanish was ok. took two fucking pop quizzes. did ok on them. have a paper to write in spanish by thrusday. blahhh. lunch was fine. stalked piercing boy (damn hes hott) and saw brown man (also hott) get in a fight. history was gay. took the DBQ from hell. i thought i did good but was completely off base. grrr. algebra was ok. i get what were doing, well except the stuff that i fell asleep during. lol. after school took jeremy and danny home. aww he lives in my old neighborhood. hehe. then hung out with nicole niki and gustavo. wasnt the best time ever thats for sure. went home then went with camila to party city and publix. ahahahah he beat the shit outta julian. at publix i talked to eric from pe last year and ran into owen. aww hes so adorable i love him. he hugged me and he smelt good and ithought it was axe, but he told me it was marijuana...hmmm? but yeah. went home did hw and talked to ppl online. im gunna go now tho cuz fresh prince of bel-air is on and thats my favorite show.!!
-later hoes-
<33-janellle
Ps- i saw it again. it makes me really upset. i hope they both die...
1 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 7 November :: 10.39 pm
omgggg. i jus watched the best episode of viva la bam ever made. johnny knoxville is beyond orgasmic. i love him!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
anywho, this weekend was fun. friday football game (already updated bout that).
saturday: did nothing then sams mom piked us up and we went to jaryds where we hung out with him nick and his sister. it was fun. then i stole jaryds jacket and im NEVER giving it back. haahaha. then sam's friend justin piked us up in his car and took us to dairy queen where we got two blizzards for 32 cents. yes thats right u heard me. 32 cents. its cuz we know G. hahaha. then justin dropped us off at shadowood where me and sam chilled until every1's movie got out. we begged ppl for money to buy this magazine w/ ryan cabrera shit in it and to win a pony for sam. haha we bought happy meals and got coooool monkey straws and bendy incredible toys. then mom piked us up and we piked up jeremy and max and hung out at my house. drama of course not getting into it right now. but then maria and amanda showed up, sam left and i had to go inside. but yeah.
sunday: did nothing. went to store with mommy. got nothing. hmpf. did hw at camilas and got her and jaryd to go back out. hahaha. but yeah. im gunna go to sleep.
-later skater-
<33-janelle
...[Ryan |
::
2004 7 November :: 10.03 am
-- Im s h a t t e r e d like [[broken glass]] upon ur feet. You watch me bleed. As if u *{ dont care }* at all.
4 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 6 November :: 11.39 pm
im in sucha a horrible mood right now. im so fucking pissed and upset im like almost literally in tears. im so fucking sick of my so-called "friends" treating me like shit. like tonight for example...who the fuck does something that rude? def. not sumone i wuld call my friends. he says such horrible things that it makes me so upset. i cant take this bullshit from anyone anymore. i have tons and tons of friends and alot of them i see on a daily basis and would call my "good friends". but i've def. cut ppl off that list who should have never ever been on it. there are literally 7 people in my life that i can trust and who actually are nice and care and arent assholes. camila, sam, niki, nicole, allie, chris and johnny--i fucking love u guys to death you guys are like my best friends. but like im so sick of my "friends" pissing me off and making me cry. yeah u heard me, cry cuz u lil fuckers push me to the edge. gahhh. fuckkk.
-whatever-
7 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 5 November :: 11.25 pm
:: Mood: jumpy
Tonight was a BLAST!! after seeing sumthing at school that really pissed me off, i went home and around 6 sam aka samizzle came over and we drew on our shirts! they are so hott!! hahah. then me her and camizzle went to the Football Game. got there ppl were being quite gay. then after getting lost in the parking lot with the buses...JOHNNY showed up. we chilled the whole time. it was lots of fun. we established the fact that i am incredibly jumpy and i need to chill the fuck out. lololol. but yeah. i definately had fun. i def. love him soooo much. <33 hahahaha yeah anyways i met dan's most recent ex-gf. funny how he cheated on her too...hmm sum guys jus never learn! lol stayed and wacthed band again cuz they rock my socks. gimme a B-A-N-D!!! lol good times. but yeah....definately had lots of fun tonight. met new ppl (clifford and other ppl dont remember names lol) and i kissed ANTHONY's ass!!! LMAO. it was hilarious. but yeah it was funnnnnn. cant wait to hang out with johnny and all them again!!! woot. but yeah. im out. i def. accomplished what i wanted to do hahaha. thanks johnny. lol ur a great boyfriend. lol!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha =]
-later loverss-
<33-janelle
9 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 5 November :: 4.23 pm
:: Mood: angry
all i have to say is:
Die motherfucker, die ..
6 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 4 November :: 6.35 pm
im so over it.
i cant believe i was ever so pathetic and smitten. and i really cant believe i told him that i [L-worded] him. hahaha. but yeah. im kinda glad all that drama shit happened. def was a needed wake up call on my half.
<333
2 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 4 November :: 6.22 pm
wanna feel the warm breeze, sleep under a palm tree...
omg. today was like...not fun. english was boring. omg the coordination test was sooo damn easy. gosh. spanish was ok. test was alright think i did good. we read another story and omfg i dont get it at all!!! grrr. lunch chris and sahar were skipping...tisk tisk. but it was gay cuz gusto was pissing me off he through my fucking soda in the garbage and got a lollipop in my fucking hairr!!! grrr. history was going soooo well i was awake and paying attention until the last like 11 minuites. i ended up fucking falling into a deep sleep until the bell rang. WTF ive fallen asleep in there everyday now for like the whole week. I NEED TO STAY AWAKE cuz im failing tht class right now. gahhh algebra took a test easier than eating cheese. after school took jeremy home and gusto and allie and camila. then met up with nicole and walked with her to jds then to wendys where we met up with gusto and chris. then max came anc other ppl including hot ass JOSH. lol. ommmmgg. but yeah. then saw amanda and maria up there. then walked to my house to get chris' bike with him max nicole amanda and maria. then got max water cuz hes a fuckin neanderthal and he fucking dumped it on me. douche bag. lol. then i walked nicole home and accidently almost killed chris (oops sorry) hahaha. then went home.
OMMMGGG. tomorrow night... foot ball game!!! im excited. they're always so much fun. annnd johnny nonni's prolly gunna come so we can hang out! <3...man i havent seen that kid in ages!! but yeah. im gunna go, peace fuckers.
-laterrr loverss-
<33-janelle
2 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 3 November :: 8.54 pm
today after school rocked. me and allie say in the parking lot in the yellow lines and played GO FISH while listening to the drummer ppl in band play. it was greaat. and camila oculdnt find us so she had the office call me over the LOUDSPEAKER omggg that was friggin hilarious.!! yeah and we tried chilling with sum of the band ppl in their "sacred band hallway thing" but they jus dont appreciate our support..LMAO allie!! food is everything to them, dear lord!!! hahahah. omg yeah. im a d0rk.
-later suckers-
<3-janelle
...[Ryan |
::
2004 2 November :: 9.26 pm
:: Mood: hurt
i was right.
however, jus this once, i wish i had been wrong...
...[Ryan |
::
2004 2 November :: 3.52 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: 1985 by bowling for soup
what happened to her plan?
omg. i had a horrible day. i think im gettin deathly ill. it sucks. me and camila got our homecoming/halloween pics developed last nite. haha i stole a sexy Ryan Cabrera Poster from a magazine. and we got harrased by these stupid black dudes who were calling us Shawty lol!!!
today in first hr we did like nothing. 3rd hr i took a test and slept then talked to matt george val and desiree. lunch-stalked piercing boy again. OMFG OMFG. his name is gustavo LOLOL. ahhhh! hes so damn sexy i'd do him in a heartbeat. =] 5th hr-took notes for 10 minutes then slept the rest of the period, drooled on my arm excessively and made my left arm fall asleep. so i missed alllll the notes and i have to copy them from my lover janis. <3. chem was alright, we took a quiz i got a B. yay. lol. then did a lab with dana<3. i havent talked to her in a while. we had a nice chat about ex-bfs and how retarded guys are. lol. after school i was walking and i look to my right and BAM! theres Justin Kantz..AKA piercing justin. aww he goes to our school now. lol. then went out front and was a lil annoyed with everything and i was gunna walk home by myself since everyone had their damn panties in a bunch and jus had to go home right away. so after they left i called my mom and she was home and she piked me up. before she came i watched a movie with jeremy and nick cuz jeremy is a cool rich brown man witha portable dvd player. lol. now im gunna go do...sumthin.
-later loverss-
<33-janelle
...[Ryan |
::
2004 1 November :: 9.16 pm
disregard that last entry:
[edit]:
things are actually getting progressively worse. i cant believe i actually fell for that shit...
dfjdskfj!
...[Ryan |
::
2004 1 November :: 8.59 pm
things are starting to look up for me...
=]
...[Ryan |
::
2004 1 November :: 4.38 pm
im so fucking confused right now....
2 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 31 October :: 10.37 pm
camila-
look, i dont think u were a hoe last night (homecoming night) i jus didnt like how u were acting and i didnt know what other word to use to describe it. me and kristin felt so left out and shit u have no idea. she came cuz of u, and u barely hung out with us. i didnt have hardly any fun at homecoming and i dont care if u didnt think it was a good idea for me to stay at chris' tonight cuz it was my turn to have fun and make up for the lack of it at homecoming. so yeah. jus wanted to tell u that i dont think u are a hoe at all. and i know we get on each others nerves alll the time and yeah. sorry.
3 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 31 October :: 10.24 pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: dry your eye by the streets
the wicked thing about us is that we always have trust...
OMFG. today was so fun. woke up at like noon cuz i was so tired. did homework and got ready. then me and camila walked to nicoles house and hung out for a lil. made plans to go trick-or-treating later. then we went home and got dressed up. camila was a cheerleader and i was a hooker. lol. we looked so gay. then we went over to nicoles but jd and seth and all their gay friends were there. me and camila decided to go to chris' house. so we left. i felt really bad for leaving nicole tho. i <3 u.!! then right when we got there and walked up to chris and max...BAM! we got attacked with shaving cream. we were sooo white it was funny. we went trick-or-treating a lil and ran into BROWN MAN!!! omg it was so embarrassing. lol. then camila left and we went to chris' and got like attacked by sum kids. then we went to the park thing and all of us got incredibly covered in shaving cream. they styled their hair and we took pictures. it was greeeat. lol. then we went to sum secret tree spot thing. lol. massive sexual assualting. HAHAHA. but yeah. it was fun. then max left and me chris and gustavo sat on the curb and i literally got ANTS IN MY PANTS ahhh. it hurt. red ants lol. then i left and took the longest most wondeful shower i have ever taken in my entire life!! lol. but yeah. im gunna go to sleep since im the only one still up!
-later loverss-
<333-janelle
Happy Halloween
4 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 31 October :: 12.53 am
homecoming was actually really gay. it sucked so much dick it was unbelievable. i dont feel like getting into it right now cuz im mad tired and i need to sleep and cuz im on the verge of tears and i..yeah. it was jus gay.
-later faggots-
PS- I LOVE ANDREW TO DEATH!!! his comments cheered me up! lol <3
7 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 30 October :: 3.22 pm
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: breakaway by kelly clarkson
gotta keep moving on..
its official:
daddy finally told me that he loves me. it was nice. too bad he said cuz cuz mommy told him too...
whatever. :/
1 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 30 October :: 11.14 am
HOMECOMING TONIGHt!!!
w00t~w00t!
5 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 29 October :: 11.00 pm
:: Mood: tired/bored/excited/mixed up/emotional
:: Music: viva la bam <33
im gunna make your ears bleed.....
today rocked so hard. lol. it was class colors day, man...eveyone was so decked out! i loved it. 1st hr- we jus chilled, got more "spiritized" and wandered the halls. 3rd-nothinggg. 5th-OMFG i failed the last test we took. literally failed. as in a 59%. I DONT FUCKING FAIL TESTS. im so fucking mad/upset gahhhh. 7th-gayyy. thennn PeP raLLy!!! it was soo fun. omg chris emerson and his friend (nikis lover) were cheerleaders...damn they can "drop it like its hotttt" LMAO. but yeah. i'd do him. and piercing boy...who we found out is a fucking SOPHMORE!!! gahh. oh well. i'd still do him. lol. anyways....after school chilled with jeremy, chris, gustavo, max, and max's nice friend (i feel bad that i dont know his name hm...) yeah it was kinda gay. but whatever. i love them so much. well most of them. heck, al of them. lol. im in such a loving mood today. then came home walked with nicole and jd then went to Kyrie's 17th Birthday Party. it was nice to see evryone. i only stayed like and hour and a half. then went to the homecoming football game. twas fun. skating out back, making bull noises, dancing to the band music, acting stupid, riding the elevator up and down, grabbing anthony and gustavos penises, being spirited, playing hacky-sack with a soda can, helping nicole with her boy drama<3, and screaming GO BAND GO at the top of our lungs cuz no1 stayed to watch and we thought they deserved an audience. i love it. its so fun. <33. yeah but theres always the fucking drama taht comes along with it, or the stuff i make up. lol. but gah. yeah. dont feel like explaining. guys are really annoying, man, i wanna boyfriend soo bad right now!! lol
-later loverss-
<3-janizzle
1 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 28 October :: 5.26 pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: coheed and cambria
the loss of friends you didn't have...
today was okkkk. english i thought i was gunna die. sooo gay. gahh i got an 82 on my POFL test. that suckss.spanihs was ok. took to fucking quizzes...did so so . and mrs. cripps kindly raised my participation grade 6 points (cuz she likes me lol) so i wuld get an A. however, she told me if i dont participate next time i will fail. lol. damn, now i gotta raise my hand. but oooo! the quarter jus "re-started" in that class 2 days ago and i already raised my hand 3 times. w00t. go me. lol. lunch was gay. jeremy was being french..and brown. lol. history-totally failed that test. gahhh. algebra was so gay. i wanted to sleep so bad but i wasnt allowed. gah. yeah. after school hung out with damian and allie and sum gay fat ppl i hate *coughkylacough* hahaha. then me and allie walked home late and had a wonderful conversation. im glad i had sumone to talk about things with. yea, she thinks in im love with him too. gahhh what the fuck is wrong with me? whateverrr. OMG OMG OMG. im sooooooooo excited for this weekend.
friday- class colors day and pep rally (im gunna be sooo spirited!!!) then kyries bday party at 6 <33 and homecoming football game with all my loverss at 8!
saturday- HOMECOMING!! yayness.
sunday- Halloween! this wuld be fun but i have nothing to do. grrr. anyone wanna do sumthin this day? COMMENT and tell me! <33
yay. im done. =]
<33-janellle
4 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 27 October :: 10.08 pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: sn00p d0g
if a nigga gets an attitude, pop it like its hot...
today was ehh ehh. eviromental i totally failed the final. grrrrr. psychology-i have the highest grade -99% bitchhh!! lol. lunch-stalked piercing boy again, lol. history-booooring. chemistry=100% gayness. ooo ooo ooo! i was a cowboy today!! lol cuz it was western day. anywhoooo...after school chilled with everyone. everyone left lol cept damian allie eddie kevin and gusto. camila got mad and walked home. then me and allie took a walk and pretended to be cowboys riding a horse. ran int max. got abused again. then nanny picked us up. then i went with my mommy and got red shirts for friday and got ym eyebrows waxed since my mom said they loooked like catepillars. lol w/e. it hurt like a bitchhh tho. lol. tomorrow is Celebrity Day kind of a gay day. i think i might dress up as avril laviegne since i got the stuff. lol. but i dunno. god damn it smells like lysol. ahhh.
-later loverss-
<33-janelle
1 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 26 October :: 4.49 pm
i love you.
5 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 26 October :: 4.23 pm
:: Mood: emotionally un-stable
:: Music: dry your eyes by the streets
we can even have an open relationship if we must...
BREAKTHROUGH:
last night i had to say bye to my daddy who was leaving early this morning for wisconsin for 3 weeks. i figured he'd be like "bye kiddo. be good." and then id go to bed. but no. he did something he hasnt done in AT LEAST five years if not more....he hugged me.. yeah i kno it sounds weird but its true. it was so strange, but nice...i ended up going into my room and crying. it was a wonderful moment that im starting to cry jus thinking about it..wow.
4 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 25 October :: 5.17 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: breakaway by kelly clarkson
wanted to belong here, but something felt so wrong here...
Does anyone truly care about me ??
14 _* |
...[Ryan |
::
2004 25 October :: 5.05 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: dry your eyes by The STREETS
the world feels like its caved in...
i am NEVER telling anyone anything ever again. well actually there are like mayb 2 people in the entire world that i can trust completely. thats why i dont tell anyone anything about my personal or love life cuz i feel like first of all-that they dont give a shit. even my really good friends, and second-that i feel i might say sumthing and it will get around and smack me in the face like most things tend to do lately. im through with all this shit. my friend group has seriously deteiorated and its upsetting. i seriously have like 3 best (true) friends that wont leave me and one of them that i love a whole bunch is mad at me, all cuz i opened my big mouth. thats why im not saying anything anymore. ill keep everything locked up inside. its ok...ive done that before...it doesnt hurt that bad...
gahhh whatever.
5 _* |
...[Ryan |
|