<center>And i can still hear the sound of love, run dry...</center>

:: 2004 18 December :: 7.26pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: lostprophets

to never fall in love again....

gah. this weekend was 100% pure gayness.

FRIDAY:
---after school me and camila got ready and took the bus to the mall. sam met us there and so did kristin. it was fun. we sorta shopped, i only had 4 dollars lol. i ran into justin b. niki and trystan.. and the person i never thought i'd see again--the dude i talked to when i took my SATs. lol it was weird. aww we did our makeup at sephora and then we were walking on the "rich people" side of the mall and niki calls me and says "guess whos here?......PIERCING BOY!!!!i literally screamed and sprinted to the other side of the mall where he supposedly was. awww i saw him <33 and he was with his mommy, how adorable!! then we left.
---came bak to camilas house and ate cake. then decided that we all we sleep over her house. jeremy, chris, and max came over till like 12ish. yeah. um no comment.. then we went inside and slept.

SATURDAY:
---woke up early, did chores, then got ready and took the bus to the mall with camila and kristin...AGAIN. lol. ommmmmmg. there were sum weird ppl on the bus this time. there was a guy that looked like tony hawk after he smokes crack and a hobo. a real one. but he was loaded with money. he kept looking at us funny. it was scary. then at the mall we met up with sam and allison. then ran into people. saw justin k. and matt!! lol. also we ran into chris and his friends and we hung out with them. it was hysterical. then chris's friend andy drove me and camila home and yeah.

------my parents didnt believe my coverup story for skipping into 2nd lunch on friday. whatever. they do now. i lied more and changed the subject. tomorrow im going xmas shopping for ppl. what joy..

<33-janelle

:: 2004 13 December :: 3.33pm
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: fallout boy

where is your boy tonight?...
last night was the most AMAZING night of my life....

......Jingleball 2004: got ready and went to the ODC with ashley sam and camila. got there and sam forgot the tickets lol so camilas parents had to come bak. then we go up to the top thingy and there was this guy posing as ryan cabrera. an imposter ryan cabrera!! that made me mad. then when we got in, me and sam bought shirts, (i bought a ryan cabrera one lol) then on our way to the bathroom to change into our new shirts, we saw a sign that said Meet Ryan Cabrera here after the performance". i had a spaz. we changed and then went to our awesome seats. FOURTH ROW BABY!!! ryan cabrera performed first. it was amazing. he sang "Exit to Exit", "True", and "On the Way Down". god it was beautiful. lol. he showed the crowd his pink santa socks and scooby-doo boxers , hes soooo adorable omg! then, since there wasnt alot of ppl there yet since it jus started, me and same were the only ones around us standing up and i was jumping up and down, yelling "i love you" and waving and omggg...he waved to me!! yeah i know, im a fag. lol.--oh yeah and hes so skilled that he slso sang in spanish. then as soon as he was done singing, he busted out his drumming skills for us. so hott. then as soon as he was done, we fucking sprinted to where we could meet him. turned out u had to buy his cd right there for $20 to meet him. so i bought another cd and got in line. ommmmg. i almost died. he signed my cd "To: JANELLE ryan cabrera". and i couldnt say anything but i knew i had to so i finally managed to say to him: omg, i love you and then he was like You Rock! --and he gave me a high five!!!!. then hahahha i asked him if i could touch his hair. hahah he said Sure! ---and bent his head down and i touched it!!! it was amazing. then sam took my picture with him. then we had to leave and after we left i started crying hysterically. that was literally a dream come true.

after that i called like evryone i could think of :gustavo, mommy, chris, max, niki, nicole, lauri, alina, etc. then we went bak and watched the rest of the concert. switchfoot, hilary duff , black eyed peas, and maroon 5 were the best. john mayer, kevin lyttle, and alicia keys were good too. omg there was this extremely gay man/tranny who was like dancing in the aisle and got the entire stadiums attention. it was cute..lol. after the concert we met up with our limo driver, Zilton. hahaha. i had never been in a limo before, but they are highly overrated. then we went home and yeah.

my life is definately complete now....<333

ryan cabrera is such a sweetheart, and he writes/plays his own music. siiiigh...he's absolutely perfect.

<33

:: 2004 12 December :: 3.28pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: lil jon usher and luda

we could be lovers and friends

RYAN CABRERA TONGIHT!!!!!

<33333333 x 45454541879

:: 2004 11 December :: 10.55pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: ryan cabrera

im afraid to know the ending, do you want me too?

RYAN CABRERA IN CONCERT TOMORROW!!!

we're taking a muthafuckin LIMO home from the concert!!!!!!!

woot. woot.!

and my daddy bought me a digital camera for xmas and gave it to me early (today) so that i can take pics of ryan!! aww i love my daddy!!

-yay-

<3333333

4 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 10 December :: 9.54pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: ryan cabrera <333

and i wont forget the way you loved me...

im so stressed out. i have so much shit to do this weekend and def. not enuff time to do it all in.

english article analysis

enviromental scrapbook project/paper thing

history test monday

chemistry test monday

bunch of enviro worksheets due

11.3 in math (totally dont get)

nicole jus told me that we have a quiz on 11.1-11.3 fuck!!!

i have to clean my room (that will take forever)

and most importantly,... JINGLEBALL.

gahhh im going to lose my fucking mind. and im gettting sick on top of all that and everyone is pissing me off. i cannot wait until december 24th.

-2 days-

:: 2004 9 December :: 8.00pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: nsync xmas cd

everybodys back together again..

and you guys wonder why i hate the people at west boca...

i mean, look at how my "so-called friends" treat me. and you expect me to go to school everyday with a smile on my face and act like evrythings okay?

dont criticize me until you fucking realize the shit i go through.

:: 2004 9 December :: 5.55pm
:: Mood: pessimistic
:: Music: bsb. <3 haha

quit playing games with my [[h e a r t]]

gosh school sucks so bad. i feel like crying everyday. i hate when i feel like this. whatever. today i cried at lunch (but it was a happy cry), well actually i jus teared up cuz i was so happy. jeremy told me that hes hanging out with PIERCING BOY maybe tomorrow. i had a spaz. lol. i love him!! gah hes sooo....AMAZING. <33. i ran into the door to the locker hallway today when me and niki were getting our "aerial view" hahaha. but yeah other than that today sucked. after school hung out with nicole a little and she went crazy at camilas. i swear, shes a sexual predator. hahaha. but yeah. im getting sick and i have alot of hw. yo quiero se llamaría a mi. siiiiigh. whateverrr...

-3 effing days-

:: 2004 8 December :: 9.45pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: backstreet boys <33

baby its the way you make me come to get me go crazy...

today was horrible. i swear im gunna wear a fucking brown sack to school so no one can say shit about my outfit. im sick of people being gay. literally ill punch the next person who says sumthin in the face!! grrrr. anyways i got a fuckin 70% on my eviro midterm, i have an 85% in math, shittt!!! and yeah. everything jus sucks. the most entertaining thing i did today was talk about horse and zebra sex with matt george and desiree. today was a waste. ended up takin the bus to the mall with camila after shcool. it was gay. went to sum rich ladys house and she smelled camilas arm so hard i thought she was gunna suck it up! LMAO. omggg. me and camila found out the worst news! its so horrible i cant even type it. came home did english hw and listened to bsb. but yeah im in a really bad mood lately cuz i know whats coming my way (or at least i think) and i'll literally do ANYTHING to stop it. i think its h o p e l e s s tho.(yeah yeah camila, i know im doing "it" again). gahhh im jus realllu upset about it...again. god. yeah whatever. later.

-4 days bitches-

<33-janelle

:: 2004 7 December :: 6.31pm
:: Mood: scared
:: Music: dog barking

wooof! wooof!

god, i sure am good at fucking things up.

thats about 2.75 strikes for me, im almost out and its all my fault. -_-

8 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 7 December :: 6.24pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: none its not working!!! -_-

gahhhhhhhh

wow im literally gunna go insane. i jus spent the last 20 minutes getting yelled at for no damn reason. i swear my parents are so weird. they threatened to ground me for life and give me no xmas presents. and i didnt do anything. wow what losers. anyways nothing happened today cept we had a firedrill and me and niki like had orgasms over piercing boy as he walked right past us and grabbed his ass. lol. then he and his brother and his friend all saw me staring at him from the second floor!! he like smiled/laughed. omg it was so horrible. hahahaha. oh yeah, me and camila saw mr. mitch in the car on the way to lowes. god hes hott. lol. oh yeah and my brother slapped nicoles ass and wackenhut saw, stopped the car and started laughing hysterically. it was greeeeat. but yeah. im gunna go get my hair re-dyed! yay. peace out.

-5 days-

<33-janelle

8 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 6 December :: 10.14pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: boulevard of broken dreams by green day

i walk a lonely road the only one that i have ever known...

gosh, i make myself sick.
why do i suddenly care what people think?
why do i feel so shallow?
why am i letting stupid little comments get to me?
i have everything i could ever want.
why am i so damn ungrateful?
maybe thats not the right question.
maybe the right question is-"do i want what i have?.

=/

:: 2004 6 December :: 10.11pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: landslide by dicie chicks

what is love?

ommg. im so freaking tired. i jus finsihed my reading log its 10:20 and i started at 3:30 today after school and only took a break for dinner. god. so much work. i literally cant move my right hand from writing so much. today suckeddd. i was so tired. slept in 5th hr. did bad on spanish quiz, i think i failed a psychology quiz (which is pathetic) and didnt do my math hw. i started crying durng math cuz i dont understand anything. chemistry was my good class today (surprisingly) i did well on the quiz. =] tomorrows gunna be a looooong day. cant wait till wednesday cuz its odd.

-6 days hoess-

<33-janelle

:: 2004 5 December :: 9.48am
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: dive in

its time to soar....

yesterday was awesome. SATs werent too bad. paul was there thanks god so at least i knew sumone and sum ghetto dude in front of me kept talking to me about real estate..? lol. after daddy took me to mcdonalds. then went home and my ryan cabrera purse had arrived in the mail!!!! yay. its so cute. but yeah. then got ready to go to camila quince..

me camila nicole camilas dad and julian all went to camilas party thing together. it was friggin hilarious. i love that family. we had to drive like 48304823 miles outta the way to buy sum smelly spanish food and shoes for julian so naturally we were late to camilas own party. but in the car we sang songs haha and julian humped camila and the man in the car next to us shook his head in shame. LMAO. it was greeeat. got to the party and kristin was tehre already. we all jus ended up hanging out-me, nicole, camila, kristin, brian, estefiania, nacho, daniella, alex, and julian. it was fun. daniella and nacho kept giving me therapy...lol then teachin me spanish. haha. awww camila had to dance with all the men. hehe. i swear to god, the dj was a freaking TRANNY!!. haha we left at like 10:45 and got in this nice car with her cousin (who, i might mention, had been drinking at the party) omgggg he was going fucking 70-75 down the road and at one point almost hit 90 to squeeze between these two cars. i thought we were gunna die. came home with a bunch of the spanish people and me and camila and brian and julian jus hung out and played with the vibrator thing. hahahahahahhaha. then i went home at like 1. it was so much fun though. gosh, and ive never talked in so much spanish before. haha. �mor�te! hahah.

me and nicole + unattended alcohol at the tables = ..hahahahahaha! greatness.

-1 week bitches-

<33-janelle

23 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 2 December :: 7.47pm

breaking hearts has never looked so cool♥

...[Ryan

:: 2004 2 December :: 7.14pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: dixie chicks

well ive been afraid of changing...

ever wonder why i never talk about my personal life alot?:

no one listens to me.
those who do, don't understand.
no one will ever understand me.
and its okay.
sometimes i wish people could understand.
usually i don't even bother to care.
right now, i wish someone would just listen.
even though i'm not saying anything...

4 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 2 December :: 4.12pm

today suckeddd. this morning took the ASVAB test with niki nicole and hayley. the cafeteria was so uncomfortable and cold. the test didnt take all 4 hrs. we had to go back to 4th hr for like 20 minutes. didnt do anyhting in there. at lunch jus chilled w/ sam luke camila and niki. then hahah the funniest thing happened, but no one but me and niki will prolly think it was funny cuz u had to be there. but anyways..we were walking and i was talking to sam about going to a wrestling match so we can see seth <3 in tight clothes. lol and i said i want his...and then i spazed (like normal) and alex's friend, the weird skinny one whos like punk wears tight pants and sorta looks gay, was like "hey did u see that? that girl jus had a temper tantrum. it was cute" omg hahah. it was hilarious. me and niki were cracking up. then he was all like "hey my friend thinks your hot...hey hey temper tantrum girl..my friend thinks ur hott" hahahaha me and niki jus kept walking and giggling alll the way until after 5th hour. but yeah. 5th hr took notes and in math sean and arsalan drew on ryan cabreras face on my folder and i got soooo mad. almost cried cuz people are so fucking gay and have a no respect for other ppls shit. i dont care if no one else likes him or ppl think im gay for liking him, it gives u NO right to do that. god. whateverr. after school hung out with jeremy and max then took them home and my dad yells at me again...god. but yeah. now im going to hang out with justin and then come home. eat dinner do sum hw maybe then jeremy and max are supposedly coming over. but i doubt it though.

-10 days biotch-

<33-janelle

:: 2004 1 December :: 6.20pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: dive in

take a breath and come to life...

Em0tional Rant.

i really hate most of the people at west boca high. i also hate the fucking people in palm beach county that built that fucking school. i also hate the fact that florida is idiotic and has school "boundaries".

^all my teachers and my parents all told me that going to the "new school" was a great opportunity and would fun. i even believed it for awhile. looked forward to school starting. yeah. they are a bunch of fucking liars. due to the "new Better school" i lost a bunch of my friends. i really cant stand about 96% of the people at west boca. 388 juniors total. thats so fucking gay. and so much is happening with my olypmic crew and im missing out on it all. its like were practically not friends anymore since we hardly see eachother.

its bad enough that i had to change schools in 7th grade. then change again in 9th and then a third time in 11th. jesus christ. i jus wish i could have either stayed in wisconsin and continued school with all of them or at least have been put in a public school when we moved here so that at least in 9th grade i wulda known ppl. i make a few incredible friends at olympic and i get fucking seperated from them. even if we hang out on the weekends, its never gunna be the same. i hate it. i even miss mr. levin. lol.

i hate this. for sum reason its been making me realy upset lately. maybe its becuz of people i think are my friends saying that im annoyin or they dont like me or shit. i never asked to go here. i dont want to be friends with these people. i hate them. i truly do. i mean i have friends, most of them i wouldnt tech. consider them my "friends". i have a few really good/best friends but the rest of the ppl i barely know and i talk to maybe only in the class that i have with them.

i want to walk to geometry with kyrie and dilan then run downstairs when the minute bell rings. i want to walk/run to levins class with dilan and kyrie and sneak to the back with bryan and them. i miss mr. levin making fun of dilan. i want to be the last ones outta the locker hallway at lunch time because we have to wait for mara and jordana and jack. i wanna walk to MY soda machine and get my dr. pepper and then walk to the cafeteria and sit with some of my most favorite people in the world. i want to go to the bathroom at exactly 11:45 everyday. i even want jack to make fun of me and my freshmen friends. i want to drool over seth and his nice ass with kyrie and dilan. i wanna walk to the cafeteria every morning and see everyone. i miss talking to jessica, dilan, kyrie, mara, carolyn, and everyone in the morning. i even miss dilan having to leave us for her spanish boyfriend jose. i miss bryan calling him jorge. i miss mr. levin and his dog and his pink shirts. i even miss the obnoxious way he blew his nose and stuck the handkerchief back in his pocket. i miss mostly walking to biology with jack and sumtimes mara and standing at "the line". i miss our pig. i miss walking to p.e. and being late and having to sprint thru the masses of freshman with dilan. i miss playing basketball with luci. i especially miss angelica. her and our walks, boys, and stupid jokes. i miss us trying to play basketball withh joey andrew and eric. i reallly miss standing outside after school at our little "bump". i miss bryan calling me cadillac. i miss scott alarcon. i miss having to meet him after school and dragging him to my locker. i miss our lil talks and him calling me blonde. for god sakes i even miss daniel bickel!! i miss johnny nonni and life management class. i miss having a locker next to carolyn. i miss her and her random outbreaks of noise and spasms. i especially miss walking to dilans house and then to mama's pizza on half days. i miss dilan, kyrie, jack, carolyn, mara, bryan, and angelica mostly. i miss the drama. i miss the fun. i miss the people and i miss all the love. i've never met more awesome people in my entire life and now they have been taken away from me. i'd do anything to go back to last year. why didnt i try and join yearbook so i coulda stayed?? i want nothing more in the entire world than to graduate with them. but now, thats impossible...

god damnit. im crying again. i cried randomly last night about this on the phone to max too. whateverrr. im leaving. sorry if i sound unappreciative to all my "real" friends at west boca which is like what?....mayb 5 people and sum dont even read this. so yeah whatever.

9 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 1 December :: 6.14pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: boulevard of b r o k e n dreams

but its only me and i walk alone...

today was an ltm. so went to school and hung out with sam and luke. i think he thinks im weird...but then again, who doesnt. whateverrr. enviro we read about blue crabs. eng took massive quick notes. psych talked to george matt and desiree. span went over quiz. i got a fucking 85 when i knew the EXACT questions that were gunna be on the quiz. god im such a fucking idiot. hist took notes and once again i fell aslepp, gahhh. alg did stuff i get it. chem i get it too! and we took a quiz that i got like 100 on and everyone else failed ahahaha!! after school went home then was supposed to go to max's but i didnt. me and nicole walked around for a while and we saw mr. mitch in the car and he looked at us. ahhh! <33 hahahahahaha. then got niki and said hi to camila and saw mike. then went home. omggg im so happy that im taking tha ASVAB test tomorrow so i dont have to go to english or spanish. thank god.

+11+ <333

:: 2004 30 November :: 9.51pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: over it by aneeliese vander pol

how could you that behind these eyes, a sad girl cries?

i am in a hoRRIble mood right now. im gunna cry any second...

dont talk to me.

3 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 30 November :: 5.41pm

gah i had a really bad day today. i felt like crying a few times. it was camilas birthday. took eviro midtem...ehhh. yeah and now i gotta get ready to go out to dinner w/ camila, nicole, jeremy and max for her birthday. yayness. tomorrow=10:30 day. imm soooo happy. but yeah. peace.

-12 days-

<33-janelle

:: 2004 29 November :: 9.25pm
:: Music: green day

sometimes i wish someone would find me...

12 Days!!!!

i love him. <33

1 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 29 November :: 9.18pm
:: Music: green day

i walk a lonely road
"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh-Ah
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everythings all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh-Ah
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah I walk alone, I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone!

<33

:: 2004 28 November :: 1.02pm
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: nobodys home by: avril

i couldn't help her, i just watched her make the same mistakes again...

gah im so tired. i did most of my hw, half-assed tho. god im doing so horrible this quarter. im so busy the next couple of weeks ill be lucky if im alive for christmas..im bored tho and continuing to procrastinate. i HAVE to read the sound and the fury today. i jus cant get into the mood. :/ anyways, suzi and carlos are coming over for thanksgiving dinner today hahaha. yeah. i know its weird. its also my grandma's birthday today. so yeah. but i must go read now...gahhh.

-later lovers-

<33-janelle

7 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 28 November :: 11.02am

changed journal layout. i like it. i swear i am unhealthily obsessed with him. haha i had a dream about him last night, that i had to win this race thing in order for my cousin to give me her blanket that had ryans face on it. ooh yeah, and i pierced his nose. ahh. lol.

dont say it, i already know...

SHAME!!!

<33 14 daysss!! <33

:: 2004 27 November :: 10.28am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: i dont want to be by gavin degraw

i dont wanna be anything other that what ive been trying to be lately...

yesterday me and camila took the bus to the mall. well we had to sprint to catch it. it was funny. got there met up with allison sam and seth. me and camila sat on santas lap. i dont really like him anymore. lol. then we met up with jaryd and his friend chris. then like we got split up so i took the bus home with jaryd and chris. then went to jaryds house and his mommy took us to the movies. we decided not to see a movie. so jus hung out with jaryd chris camila sam scott anthony ...i think thats it. we crossed the street and went to toys r us. people were being completely gay, but what else is new, so me and camila left and we ran into max. then me and her ran across the street and ate mcdonalds. then everyone followed us...grrr...and ooh yeah! saw alex(grandma fetish) at mcdonalds. we ate then hung out and camila left so i jus chilled with chris and sam. then went home. talked on the phone and went to sleep. so yeah yesterday was uber gayness. and im not really ddoing anything today so yeah. bye.

-later losers-

<33-janelle

:: 2004 26 November :: 11.11am
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: amore mancando <3

where would i be....

haha yesterday was...unique. went to bed really late and chris called and woke me up to tell me that ryan cabrera was gunna be in the macys thanksgiving day parade. thankss!!! <3. so i watched that then got ready and drove my family to suzi and carlos'. it was boring but whatvere. sum lady was talking to us about her life and drugs and shit. it was funnnnny. came home and chilled with sam and camila. then sam left and later i decided to sleep at camilas so i could see the miami airport since i had never seen it. so we went to sleep at like 12 and woke up at 3. drove an hour to miami and waited in customs for like 1 and a half hrs. it was funn. lol. came home at like 6 and fell asleep. now were getting ready to go to the mall. peace!

_laterrr_

<33-janelle

9 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 25 November :: 5.56pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: suzi and my mommy talking

blah blah blah...

okay. yesterday me and max talked for a long time and we decided to go back out. if anyone has a problem with this, all i have to say is, suck my dick.

=]

7 _* | ...[Ryan

:: 2004 23 November :: 9.59pm

its funny-how u think someone is completely out of ur life and that theres no way u can become somewhat close to friends, when randomly they turn around and surprise you. i love that. yet, i know well enough to know that it wont last long...i hate that
i need a weekend to clear my head and my heart...

...gahhh. i did it again, or well, made it worse. whats wrong with me lately?? now im being uber hypocritical...

gosh i hate myself sumtimes. =/

:: 2004 23 November :: 8.20pm

"as we grow up, we learn that the one person that wasn't supposed to let us down...probably will. you will have your heart broken more than once and its harder every time. you'll break hearts so remember how it felt when yours was broken. you'll fight with your best friend. you'll blame a new love for things a old one did. you'll cry because time is passing so fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. so take to many pictures. laugh to much. love like you've never been hurt...because every 60 seconds you spend angry or upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

-<3-