:: 2004 24 January :: 10.17 pm

Today i vistied my grandma in the hospital... shes not doing sooo great... shes not yelling and screaming non-stop anymore but she doesnt remember much about who she is and who we are..shes acting liek shes stoned... shes like.. "hey, you have a clock eye huh?"... "your grandfather used to have a clocl eye.".. "hes going to probly be here with the horse en buggy soon.."...

after i went to the hospital...i went and hung out at farrens house... with katie and two other girls (and farren obviously.. i walked in and they were like really really hyper and one of them was like humping everyone.. and i was like "hmmm... this is going to be fun...lol"..they must have drank like 3 or 4 gallons of soda or something.. it wasnt a bad thing though.. it was fun..

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 22 January :: 12.17 pm

well im home.. which is awsoume.. nothign to do but do what i do best..lmao.. sit on my ass... talk to people.. doodle it up... and play guitar...

i was hoping to jam, but jeremy isnt home yet... i guess he wont be until school gets out, that sucks...

my finals were ok... im sure i flunked both... but Mr Keaton is scaling his... so ill probly do good on that one...

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 21 January :: 12.59 pm

i havent been able to get onto woohu from my house... it sucks.... soo im at school right now..lol..

i dotn really have anythign significant to type about but i think Katie likes me... along with the ashly in my study hall (not the one that uses this site..)... yeah me and katie talk on the bus sometimes but it was weird yesterday...i thought she was dating shane still but she said that shane was an asshole.. and then she like made a bunch of people move soo she could sit with me... and then she asked if i was going to winter carnival... and then she gave me her AIM... sooo i was pretty much like, "hmmm.. maybe she likes me".. but i truely doubt it.. shes way too cute for me... and her and shane were hanging out today... sooo now im guessing it was all in my head and shes just really nice..or flirty..lmao

3 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 18 January :: 9.51 pm

Today was pretty good.. i went and jammed.. we didnt get much done in the earlier afternoon... but then when night came me and jeremy kicked some ass... like that was the BEST band practice ever.. we like jammed none stop for hours.. just workign on that one song.. and we are going to talk to alan about recording it at his house... soo i can add a violin track to the end.. we have that song down to a science..
now all we need is a bass line and some lyrics but not really... its pretty sweet on its own.. if we dont get to that that will be cool.. i guess joey thinks me and jeremy are really good.. lol.. he always says it when its jsut me and jeremy.. we will come down and joey will be like "Have a good band practice??.. You guys are really good for just being 2 people.. "

"The sweet light no longer strikes against your eyes. Your shade has been banished to... the Second Level of Hell!"

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 17 January :: 5.22 pm

today was sucky... i went and visitied my gram in the hospital and shes doing terrible.. i dont understand how she went from being an independent lady to sitting in the hospital in like some sort of half acomic state yelling in less than a month... we tried talking to her but she only yelled and cried jiberish... she just sat there and yelled and shook around like she was in some sort of bad dream... its sooo weird.. she went from beign normal, to being really depressive, to not knowing she had children and a home, to just sitting and yelling in less than a month....

im not really sad or anything... but im kinda disappointed in myself that im never sad when shit like this happens.. its liek i have a heart of stone... the doctor said she might not make it through the week and im jsut like "oh...".. and when all my other grandparents died i was just like "oh..".. but its weird becuase i cry over stupid stuff liek movies... lol... "My Dog Skip" and "Bicentenial Man" made me cry... and fuckin "AI" was a wicked sad movie.. made my eyes water..or if like my gf (that i dont have) died i WOULD cry.or if my parents died.. but i dont cry when relatives pass away.. im pretty much just like "oh...umm... that sucks.", and not even frown... im happy that im not like crying but i do feel my other relatives look on me oddly for not...

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 16 January :: 10.06 pm
:: Mood: tired

wow... i did absolutely nothing today... i watched tv.. and played gameboy...exciting (being sarcastic)..

I did see X-Men 2 though.. weve had it for a while but i never watched it.. it was way better then the first one.. mainly becuase Nightcrawler kicks ass and there was ALOT more of Mischeif (spelling).. shes soo hot.. that blue (my favorite color) skin and the bright yellow eyes are like surprisingly a really super hot combo...and the short hair.. *cough cough*, ANYWAYS!!!... enough about my sick Mischeif fantasies... hmmm... yeah.. i didnt do alot today... i drew some and i played guitar but not as much as i sat on my ass infront of the tv....

seriously though... im not the only one right.?. Mischeif is like a super hotty... you cant tell me that the blue skin and yellows eyes dont turn you on... becuase, seriously... its like.. sooo perfect ( NOT being sarcastic)..anyways...

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 15 January :: 7.15 pm
:: Music: AFI

2 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 14 January :: 3.50 pm

she decided to come to school tommorrow...

im going to jam tonight... good thing i filled up that crazy salamander heater thing with kariseine (spelling)... lol.. i didnt know you had to do soo much stuff to get it.. like.. you have to find an actuall kariseine pump.. and you have to go in and prepay how much your buying and then you have to go in and sign some paper with your name and address....lol... kariseine is wicked cheap.. $1.55 a gallon i think... and i remember i bought ten bucks worth and got 6.42 (or something like that) gallons..lmao..and if you put gasoline in a kariseine heater it will explode (wicked awsoume)...

school went by well... everything seemed ok.. but it wasnt a fun day either...

"i wake up as fake dreams are real, i sleep so i dont have to feel...."

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 13 January :: 6.05 pm

i just want my friend back....
my mom is sooo obsessed with stargate.. its crazy... like... "chapa-eye" is "ghouled" for stargate sooo we are walking around the house calling everything "chapa-eye".. lol.. especially the toilet... definetly the most closest thing to a stargate in our house.. i accidently called a door in school today "chapa-eye".. its funny.

hmmm.. shes coming back tommorrow, that will be sweet.. though i still feel alot of greif for all of my foolishness and pointless jelousy.. it makes me feel like such a low person.. i hate it.. and when i ask for amenz (spelling) it gets thrown back in my face with a "i dont have to forgive you for anything! i dont care if you make it up to me or not.."... what am i suppossed to do, live the rest of my life feeling like this. with those words in my head.. "you need self-help".. and what about you.. do you have to live the rest of your life thinking im a naive loser with a naive heart... and have one less friend.. becuase i made one stupid mistake... and i did it for the right reasons.. i know you wont be reading this and on the off chance you do youll know its you... im sorry, from the bottom of my heart.. and i just want it to be like it used to be... my good friend... i want to be there and actually really be there.... i live alive......

who am i kidding.. you wont read this.. of coarse you wont.. you probly havent read my journal since that day.. i want to just yell "she wont come... she will never come!!..."...just like in RFAD.....your soooo far away.. and i jsut want it to be back to the way it was before... i miss having that friend... that friend that could always make me smile and could make me feel as important, as you are important to me..... im sorry...

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 12 January :: 7.51 pm

school was ok... kinda sucky.. we got back our senior essays today and only 1 out of every 10 people passed... i didnt pass..lol..only one person from each home room did pretty much.. blah...

i got Halverson and ginty to write me out some college thingys.. and i final got Mr. Bassie (spelling) to sign my mentor consent sheet..

i wrote a pretty sweet verse for that song.. and i really cant wait to record it.. soo i can add in a violin track for like the outro and like the last verse... if we got atleast one song recorded in the next week or soo i wouldnt be soooo nervous....

.:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 11 January :: 8.07 pm

i worked on my college essays today and went to my grams, thats about it.shes really depressed and theres no way to talk to her.. she throughs everything back in your face..

i want to jam wicked bad.. and put some lyrics to our song since i know ranyd isnt going to.... hes trying to put that "inclined" song to it.. and it doesnt fit.. my guitar is WAY to fuckin fast to fit all that shit in there.. thats why it sounds like hes rapping... ive been tryign to figure out how to slow it down.. or perhaps write some lyrics that work.. like the actual words in "inclined" dont fit either... they just dont fit the mood... like.. the best thing i can think of is to have like my violin in there and have the guitar play a couple chords everyonce in a while to slow it down.. but there is only one me...and mike is pretty much not in the band since he jammed last like 3 months ago..oh well... i dont want to sound like atreyu, but randys yelling is makeing us sound EXACTLY like atreyu... blah.. it will all work out i suppose.. he says hes working on the timeing soo it wont sound that way and maybe even take singing lessons..

2 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.

:: 2004 9 January :: 10.36 pm

its been a long while since i updated...

ive been jamming, alot alot.. ever since i got my Line 6 half stack im at jeremys constantly... like... every day fot the past week... and were putting down good shit becuase of it...oh yeah, and we have heating up there now... weve got a salamander... wicked sweet.. its pretty much a little jet enigine on wheels.. it heats up the whole barn in like 15- 20 mins... RANDY actually sang.. im soo proud *sheads a tear*.. tonight was like how all jam sessions should go... lol...

before randy would sing we needed the PA soo we went to alans.. to steal it back and as we were leaveing i backed my moms truck up into alans basketball hoop... i wasnt even looking back.. all i knew was i was backing up and then all of a sudden BOOM... lmao.. i thought i hit a dog.. but then i looked back and saw a big black pole (that sounds wicked dirty)...lmao.. its like ALL bent up and dented.. when i hit it randy started yelling "FUCK!!! DRIVE DRIVE!".. soo i didnt really tell them... ill tell them tommorrow when joey goes over to jam...

4 .::Whispers To Me::. | .:: From Behind My Eyes::.