And life goes on........

:: 2007 29 November :: 2.17pm

My fate will be decided by a man tomorrow that i have never met.

shitty shit shit. if indeed i need to say goodbye, at least for a while... this is it.

goodbye :0(

....not a good color. i would lose weight though.... no christmas.

:: 2007 28 November :: 10.24pm

oh and I keep getting these headaches again. I used to get these ... the last time i was getting them was in august-ish when i worked at the daycare but...

it starts out that my left eye-it's like i can't see... it's that thing you get when you look at the sun or a camera flashes in your eyes- you know, the little dot things. and so that happens but like over my entire left eye so basically i can't see and then about a half hour or so later i get an incredibly bad migraine where i feel like i'm going to die/throw up.

yeah so that's fun. except not. and then in the morning i wake up and my head honestly still hurts but it's just a dull headache

so i'm pretty sure i have a tumor of some sort.

and i have a lot of woohu reading to do but more importantly i have homework and i might be getting a part time nannying thing and also i dont know if i want to be a nurse so yeah.

fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

:: 2007 28 November :: 10.19pm

not kidding this time. i'm serious. I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT.

i even changed my school schedule all around so that i'll have more time to work out .

I MUST DO THIS

i don't want hi helen arms and thunder thighs anymore.

:: 2007 9 November :: 1.35pm

i dont know what is going on with my life. maybe this is the changing point. how long can you go on not knowing?

i'm scared that ..........blhe bandlkfjalsdkjflkgja;ldkgjasldkgjasldkgjsldg

:: 2007 7 November :: 2.56pm

me and jess tried on wedding dresses together today.

i'm not sure which one i want. she is though

:: 2007 4 November :: 7.45pm

sometimes i just wonder what would happen if i just dropped out of school. i hate it so much it makes me so frustrated. there really is nothing i enjoy about it. nothing i get out of it. i've learned a few things ..... the only class i really liked and i didn't even like it that much i just found it relatively interesting was medical terminology.

it is stupid. fuck. i should just drop out and i'm not getting anywhere anyway. fuck fuck fuck. i wish i could just move to florida with my parents.

1 Vote | Vote Here!

:: 2007 28 October :: 8.49pm

so today .... was like the worst day ever.

except i bought a new camera. i know i know why why why but i can't stand not havin a camera. and this one is really cool i hope it's really as awesome as i think it is.

it has a million settings and stuff.

now if only my man would come home...where is he? work.......

stupid work and stuff. stupid stupid. what an awful day.

i thought wer were gonna see a movie today but ... doubt it.

jedibumblebee

:: 2007 12 October :: 10.42am

i have a CLASS REUNION tomorrow.
holy crap.

i am way more stupidly excited than I probably should be.

in other news, I went to the doctor again to figure out why I want to sleep all the time... found out that my iron is extremely low, WITH iron supplements. so we are upping the dose and hopefully one of these days I can make it into work before 8.

:: 2007 11 October :: 12.33am

Tonight roman and i went out to east beltline- got coffee at beaners and then went into pet supplies plus and saw these bunnies and the woman let me hold one and then let roman hold the other and they were these dwarf bunnies and we want one really bad. i know that's bad- our apt is going to be all gross with pets but not really but we want one becaue they were so adorable and the woman said that they can be litter box trained and stuff and that they are good pets and you can let them out and hop around and stuff.

so yeah i duno. we might get a bunny i think.

and then we looked at halloween costumes . but we need to find something fun to do on halloween before we go and buy the costumes becaues they are expensive.
but if we do go somewhere we want to look all cute and costumey.

annnd then we went to the IMAX and saw transformers. i had never been there before so it was pretty neat. it was making me a little nauseous though because it is so big and stuff.

and other than that, i want to quit school because seriously i am doing really horrible and i studied hard and thought i did quite well on that last test and i did awful. i'm so pissed. at myself, at the class, at davenport, at the test. they are horrible tests. they are hard and confusing and stupid.

ugh

but seriously i don't want to be a fricken failure. i want to have a career. i dont want to just be a little housewife with kids. i mean, seriously- i dont care if it sounds pathetic to some people but that is my number one thing i look forward to - i look foward to having a family and raising our kids and being the perfect mother and wife. that is number one on my list and always will be but i reallly feel like i won't feel like i accomplished as much as i could have. i'll feel like i failed or like i didn't reach my potential. like... i have to have a CAREER too. at some point. you know? my mom regrets it so much and i don't want to have that same regret.

I hate school so much though. and i honestly really really don't have any idea what i would be good at.

but i'm shadowing this guy's that my dad knows daughter. ( i know i wrote that all wrong i dont care right now) and she is a nurse so i guess i'll find out then if i could handle it or not. which i know i probably can't. ughghghghgh hwhatever.

and anyway i like midnite sun and cruise and getting tan and sexy now if only i could get myself to start fricken working out . seriously. i need to get serious about that. i really really do. i just feel like a moron in front of all those muscley guys. eww and i don't want to run on the tredmills and fall on my face like on a tv show. i'd be so embarassed. and it would hurt. i can't run on those treadmills. i'm not coordinated enough to do that and listen to my earphones and sing MY hUMPS in my head and watch the tvs with no sound and worry about what people are thinking of me and check my heart rate all at the same time.

HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO IT. HOW DO YOU RUN ON TREADMILLS.

and that m y friend is the question of the day. how DO you people run on treadmills.

SHIT.

shoot.

well goodnight. any advice is welcomed.

:: 2007 9 October :: 6.29pm

i'm quite sure one of the many reasons i am not doing well in this stupid one night a week, three hour class is that there are computers in here. this a fricken computer lab. not a classroom. dude. seriously. it's 6 at night-there are plenty of other classrooms but no they stick us in a classroom with computers with access to facebook and myspace and woohu and email. ughghghhh and then the boredom hits and i'm online.

i've never done so bad in school. i think it's a sign. i shouldn't be a nurse. i doubt i can handle it. i'm compassionate but i'm too compasionate i cry whenever someone else gets tears in their eyes. i'd be walking around crying 24/7 and my waterproof makeup wouldn't hold up and also would clog my pores.

fuck you davenport .....i have such mixed feelings towards you- you gave me so much money and a good oppurtunity but no choices.

i think maybe we should break up. how do you feel about that davenport? i think maybe you are no good for me and i am getting no where being with you.

is anyone good at statistics? i'm not.

i really should just leave this class. i think i may. there's no point in me being here. i leave with pointless notes that i never ever look at. they mean nothing to me.

damnit.
stupid college. What else could i do with my life? seriously i dont think i would be good at anything. i'll be a good mom and that's really pretty much it.
i duno. gotta check homework i'm sure i'll be back

:: 2007 8 October :: 3.28pm

goodbye red robin hooray!!!

:: 2007 8 October :: 12.06am

So today i was in a really horrible mood. really life isn't that bad. i am just really really stressed and overwhelmed. i have too much stuff going on.

what it comes down to is that i am horrible at making decisions. and yeah

gosh now i forgot what i was going to say.

shannonw55

:: 2007 7 October :: 10.28pm
:: Mood: giddy

"Fall 2008
Congratulations! You have been admitted to the University of South Florida!"

:)

:: 2007 7 October :: 6.53pm

what the hell is a wedding anyway.

fuck this shit . i need a mother fucking vacation i swear to god if i wouldn't lose my scholarship i would leave this stupid fucking country in an instant. fuck the sholarship, i'm going to lose it anyway because there is no god damn way i'm passing that fucking class. who the fuck am i kidding whydidn't i just enroll in chic or some shit so i could actually have some income by now. seriously how the hell do people even fucking do it. theres no fucking way . i'd say i shoudl move back in with my parents but fuck it they are moving to florida anyway so too god damn late for me.