:: 2004 1 May :: 7.49 pm

Rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain iran rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain iran rain rain rain rain rain iran rain rain rain rian rain iran rain rain rain

let it

:: 2004 29 April :: 10.25 pm

Today was weird. Was with sharon from 2-9:30. I am so suprised i haven't gotten sick of her yet. haha.

I would have been home earlier but my dad forgot about picking me up at 8, so it ended up being 9:30. Oh well. o well.

Tomorrow is the funeral. I wasn't going to go, but Sharon's mom and her are going so i am. I wanted to go, but it wasn't like i was going to go by myself. ugh. blah. I don't know what to say.

May hang out with Melissa tomorrow. Don't know yet mom is being queer about that. She says i need to be hom because it is jake ans laura's birthday. Well i wouldn't mind if it was the family birthday but it is the friend birthday. And i don't enjoy little rowdies running around everywhere. So if i have to stay home i am going to be locked in my room with the music quite loud.

blah. so many complications, so so so many.

let it

:: 2004 27 April :: 9.26 pm

It seems that the world is coming undone. The seams that hold us together from day to day are unravelling slowly; surely.

The things I found joy in -- ectasy in -- are now nothing but bland remedies for a rather boring life. I have lost the passion that once overflowed from me and the belief that there is always hope. Perhaps this is only a momentary loss, and I will awake someday and feel vitality in me again. But until then I am sorrowfully afraid I will remain pessimistic.

The events of one fateful day can change the heart of a person forever. I am afraid my heart has been changed. And i am not sure when or if it will ever be healed. I pray that it will, but cynicism runs deep and cold.

let it

:: 2004 26 April :: 9.16 pm

Feeling a bit ill. Hm, ill maybe in the mental respect, or in the physical respect? i'm not sure yet, my head and my belly hurts so i guess that can count as both.

School went alright today. Had 3 quizzes and one test. Kind of exhausting, especially when i had to use both of my studyhall periods to take them. (make up things from when i was gone) so i felt kind of rushed since my day is usually very relaxed. Maybe that is a factor in the sick feeling now. ugh, who knows. Maybe it also has to do with the fact that i am on page 90 out of 711 and i have until Thursday to finish.

yah, that may be it.

let it

:: 2004 25 April :: 9.31 pm

I had a nice weekend with Xach. Too bad it seemed to be over so quickly...

BGHS Prom is this coming weekend and sadly i am not going. I was considering it for awhile, but i am going to prom with Xach on the 8th at his school. I wanted to go to mine, but i don't know, two Proms two weekends in a row seems a bit much, plus i am pretty sure my parents wouldn't let me do that anyways.

But there is always next year, right? And i plan on going to all of the dances next year since i didn't go to any at my school. I feel kind of bad since i didn't go to any, but again, i don't. odd, eh?

I miss you Xach.

let it