:: 2004 8 April :: 5.47 pm

Busy busy busy...

let it

:: 2004 6 April :: 9.20 pm

Sometimes i am not sure what i think, what i believe, or what is the truth. It is such a weird feeling to doubt everything that I have relied on so heavily duirng my life: my faith, my family, my friends, myself.

At times this doubt is a good feeling, i feel free and disconnected from the world. It is as if I could walk out the door with only the clothes on my back and start a new life somewhere, live an adventurous life, and never look back. Maybe travel around the States without anyone to hold me back, live where i want to live, do what i want to do. Be on my own.

But there is the other part of me. The sect of me that reasons with wisdom (or perhaps with ignorance) that can't see past my bedroom door, the mailbox at the end of the driveway, or the stateline. I can see myself going to college in Findlay, spending 2 years at Owens for sure, then maybe two more at BG...and after that finding a job somewhere. I know that if i don't get out of this state before my 2 Owens years are up, i will be sticking around here for the rest of my life. Yes, that is reason speaking.

I am afraid that if i am kept here for too much longer I may one day simply not come home and by the time anyone misses me I will be hundreds of miles down the road, and will not once look back.

The reasoning of adventurous ignorance.

let it

:: 2004 5 April :: 4.42 pm

Yes! Good day for once in my life (it seems) no not really, school actually sucked because i was on the edge of being dead. Yes, dead. I shouldn't have stayed up so late last night watching the 10 Commandments with Charleton, but what can i say, it was a good epic. certainly.

But i paid for the not going to bed until 12 today. I was so whipped i wasn't sure if i was going to make it through school or not. I'm doing alright now, i think being locked in school without any natural lighting did a number on me too. The sunlight gushing through the windows here has perked me up a bit :)

And plus i have been trying on clothes for my big trip! Which is slowly creeping up on me! Omy! ahhhh. I haven't decided exactly what i am going to pack yet tho...so far all my shorts fit but some i am almost afraid to wear in public, so i may have to go shopping so as not to expose myself.

yes, and California here i come.

let it

:: 2004 3 April :: 6.02 pm

It's already Saturday...



errrrrr.....


But anyways I am beginning to finally realize that i am going to be gone and in another state for spring break! It hasn't really sunk in until now i guess. I mean i know it is going to happen but it seems strange...because i can't even imagine what it is really going to be like.

weird.

let it

:: 2004 2 April :: 3.22 pm

it is friday and it couldn't be better. I can finally get some much needed relaxation time (i hope) and try to not worry about my life and all the little complications that come along with it.

Only a week until Spring Break. Semi (well actuall very) excited about that. I haven't told everyone where i am going and i intend to keep it that way for certain reasons. So ha.

Anyways, tonight i am going to the allstar bball game for this area of ohio. The best players from several teams will be joining together and facing off. It should be fun, i know the Griffin is going to be there and maybe Green, but i don't really know, i know that my brother would (since all of the sudden he is a basketball freak)

It is so nice to be home after such a crazy day. I thought i wasn't going to be home until around four thirty, but i left school around 1:40 with sharon and her mom. I stopped by my tanning place and luckily there was an opening before three so i got that done. And i got home a little after 2:30, which is awesome, because i got home when i should have been getting out of class. hahahaha.

But the funniest thing that i think that happened (is going t happen) is that sharon's mom was talking about what she was going to have for supper because they can't eat meat because it is a friday during Lent (they are catholics) and so i was teasing sharon about how when i got home i was going to have a pizza with meat on it (because for supper she was going to have a plain cheese one) and she bet me that i wouldn't have a meat pizza. So i was just kidding around by saying i really was going to have one. Well i get home and call my dad to tell him that i got taken home already so he didn't have to pick me up and he said, "should i get one cheese and one chicken?" and for a minute i was a bit confused then i figured out her was talking about pizza! So i really am going to have a meat pizza tonight, and i can't wait to shove that in sharon's face when she shows up at 6:30 to leave for allstar game. Hah.

let it