In regards to a writing...

I meant to reply to this after you first asked me...sorry it’s taken me so long. And I honestly wish I had a better answer as to what intrigued me so, or that I could better express how your writings make me feel. Unfortunately I am not the most articulate person, and get easily frustrated trying to convey emotions. It’s also notable that I am also easily moved by eloquently put words, although certain things speak volumes to me much more than others.

Your first piece really resonated with me on several levels. I too, often struggle to open up, even to myself, let alone others. I crave simplicity, in my needs and wants and being, but I struggle immensely defining those most of the time. I feel like many fractions of a whole, and get overwhelmed thinking about the vastness of the world and its complexities, never mind the people in it. One thing you said...
“that self-hatred was so deeply ingrained in my mind that it then became something purely my own”
That almost brings me to tears, because I feel it so deeply. And even though most people experience it, it is still such a singular thing, something that is truly your own.
Even though I feel like I’m constantly evolving, it’s almost as if I’m becoming more confused about who I am, what I want and need as a person. Yet I’m so bent on becoming “happy and whole” first with myself, that I leave little room to allow people into my life on any sort of remotely involved basis. And I wonder, if that is even attainable, or have a set myself up for lifelong sabotage, like I so often do.
You say the idea of revealing the core of yourself to others is alien now? That is both heartbreaking and hopeful, because at least in some small way does that not give you a sense of knowing and grounding within yourself, the fact that you have at least some sense of what that would mean to you?
I think what strikes me most, is not only the feelings it brought out for me and the fact that I feel as though I can relate, but more so having to reply to it means looking at myself in such a way that is so foreign to me. I’m at the point where I wish I could say more, but can’t formulate the words. I can say, that I am so happy and grateful you shared that beautiful aspect of your soul, I definitely admire that.

Your second writing just really appealed to my kinky side, definitely drooling over words, whether or not you intended it to be that way. I wish my brain could appreciate it more for its depth, but alas, I am only human.

dismemberment.