joslyn_julia
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2011 2 January :: 2.23am
So, I don't really believe in New Years Resolutions considering the change from year to year is really just another day, just like any other over commercialized day. This year however, I have resolved that I will run at least 5k, (I am supposed to run like a half marathon... but we'll see how the 5k goes first.) I am enacting operation marshmallow and untoasted marshmallow to fulfill my goals for the next few months.
My head unfortunately is not all together and I feel lacking but I am the only one who can make my goals happen. So, the plan is as follows:
1. I would like to lose at least 25lbs by my birthday and be back in the 160 range by next Thanksgiving/ Christmas. I think a year to lose about 50lbs is totally kosher.
2. Train to start running, this is part of step 1 but with my shin splints, I think it may take a few months to get to the point of really running. So, pool running, eliptical, pilates... you get the idea.
3. Get a job. This has little priority to me with the exception of the extra money. I have it hanging over my head that since I don't work (but do go to school) that I don't contribute, and this could drivel out to a big complaint about my living space, ect BUT I will not go there right now. Point is me + job= $$$ which will be nice because then I can have money to buy diamonds and pearls and all that glittery greatness that I want to design.
4. Don't hold your breath, but I intend to really quit smoking. I know I have tried and it goes well for a few days and then I get sooooo pissed that I say fuck it all, but with any blessing from God I will actually quit, which will be helpful with steps 1 & 2.
I s'pose that's about it. That is all I have really figured out, I also am happy to say that Mike got a dollar and 50 cent raise, which I hear is really good in this economy, and for the first year in quite a few Dad was extremely busy with Christmas. (This helped to make the job less of a matter to me because I made extra cash to pay some bills that were behind- score!)
Oh and technically operation marshmallow, ect are not resolutions because I have been attempting to do them and haven't.
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joslyn_julia
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2010 16 December :: 8.42am
for the love of all effing goodness why the fuck do you keep sleeping through your alarms!
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m&ms487
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2010 11 December :: 10.56pm
I graduated from college today.
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m&ms487
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2010 5 December :: 8.49am
I turned 23 years old yesterday. It's hard to imagine that I've had this journal for about a decade. Almost more than half of my life.
I didn't really do anything 'special' for my birthday. It's the weekend before finals and I'm entrenched in some tough paper and exam writing--but I know that I'll get through it. I just keep chugging along and crossing things off my list and eventually it will be Saturday.
Oh yeah. I graduate from college on Saturday. I'm going to walk across the stage and everything. I'm graduating Magna Cum Laude (I think, whatever the second best one is). I get to wear a big metal, but not as big as the highest honors people get to wear.
Last week was a week of lasts: last undergraduate classes, last Kappa Kappa Psi meeting as an active Brother, my last band concert at CMU, last week of being 22 years old. I thought I was going to be a mess, but I'm actually quite zen about it. I will miss it, but I have the feeling it's just time for me to go--to move on, to do other things.
I will be a graduate student in January and I think being a graduate student is going to be easier than the last few years of undergraduate work. I'm only taking 6 credits, and they are both literature seminars. I'm waiting to take more until I get full funding at a graduate assistant. That is, if I'm still at CMU.
I'm almost done with my application for the joint PhD program (English and Women's Studies) at the University of Michigan. I'm scared to move away, scared that this could be a real possibility, but at the same time, it feels so good that I've come this far. They only accept 3 people per year, and that would mean that I would beat out out over 100 other applicants, most probably with Masters degrees already. We'll have to see. It would mean that Rueben and I would be apart for a semester, so that would be tough, but fuck, it's a PhD program with complete funding.
Exciting, exciting things happening. I can't wait until Christmas break when I can sit around in my owl pajamas and eat bon bons (well, okay, popcorn).
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joslyn_julia
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2010 3 December :: 3.53pm
so,
there is this local bar that mike and i love to go to... they have the best variety of tea mixes (30+ flavors of long islands) and pretty awesome (and super sized portions of) food.
Obviously we will be eating there... but I am annoyed that now when I try to be social and ask my younger friends to go out they assume that it is for food. I asked them out to have a drink... NOT FOOD! so why is it that they want to tell me they don't want to eat there? That is totally irrelevant.
Stupid 21/ 22 yr olds. ugh.
Don't tell me i am antisocial-- I try to be social and you always reject my offers, so bite me. you are all ridiculous!
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joslyn_julia
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2010 18 November :: 12.36pm
soo... life has been life
up until about 2:30 yesterday it totally sucked... but then I found out I didn't have class for the next 2 days (like today and tomorrow) and my life got better.
As usual mike and I are a toss up. I get sick of him being inconsiderate, and him constantly swearing (you don't realize how stupid swearing is until you hear it being used as every other word when someone is talking). I am sure he is sick of me "being a bitch" but I have always been a bitch so what are you to do? All I want is to be able to pay the bills and do my homework and get them both where they need to go on time. I mean is that too much to ask?
So thankfully I don't ave school again for like a week and a half, which totally rocks. I do have a bunch of stuff to get finished for classes still but nothing new to add to them, which is wonderful!
Leaving for MI sometime in the next few days, and doing lots of work at Dad's store but I enjoy actually getting to have the time to design and finish everything.
Sooo, if you are in MI and read this... I have the same number I have always had, If you want to hang out just call.
PS. I would love to visit east town and maybe drink, have some coffee or hookah... so if you want to do that you should definitely call.
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joslyn_julia
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2010 26 October :: 9.32am
of course it is my fault. it's always my fault.
if that's how you feel, i hope you enjoy the feeling of loneliness you will be feeling until I am able to split for good. I'm done.
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joslyn_julia
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2010 8 October :: 7.14pm
:: Mood: despondent
:: Music: Metric- Help, I'm Alive
I am in desperate need of sanity.
All i seem to do anymore is pull you down, make you miserable
I am nothing but a path of destruction and i don't think I can change.
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joslyn_julia
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2010 7 October :: 2.39pm
I'm on music obsession kick.
I think I have gotten almost 150 new songs... with another 100 or so to go.
Things are so much better when I am home alone. I think before I start the next batch of music though I am going to clean more in case anyone comes over this weekend. I know, not likely- but i am crazy about having a spotless apt when people visit now, so i better do it or I'll be pissed if they do.
And bonus, all new music to listen to while I clean.
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joslyn_julia
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2010 6 October :: 2.44am
i ought to be working on homework and I seem to be addicted to updating my facebook status tonight... So in an effort not to update it again, I am on here to bitch about my lack of motivation and constant distraction from my husband sleeping next to me... and rolling onto me, ect.
i hate writing intensive classes!
2 believers |
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m&ms487
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2010 1 October :: 9.38pm
I took the GRE today. The testing center is in the basement of one of the old dormitories at Central. It was weird. And dark.
I earned a 550 on the verbal section and a 480 on the quantitative section. I'm going to take it again in a year if I don't get admitted to University of Michigan's joint PhD program in English and Women's Studies.
1 believer |
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joslyn_julia
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2010 3 September :: 7.40am
i don't want life handed to me on a platter, but i sure do wish things would go smoothly for once.
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joslyn_julia
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2010 24 August :: 11.06am
life is a whirlwind right now. so many good things, and so many that i am freaking out about.
I just got back to WI and now I feel like I need to turn around and head right back to michigan.
f*ing pain.
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m&ms487
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2010 21 August :: 11.10pm
:: Mood: calm
It's the end of the week, but only the beginning of the end. This is the Saturday before I start my last semester as an undergraduate college student. This was also the first week that I have been on educational leave from The Company since my freshman year of college.
I spent the entire week devoted to volunteering at CMU's band camp: meal set up, instrument sorting, wind suit dissemination, water cooler wrangling, to name a few of the tasks. Tonight, I and several of my Brothers went to see Jeff Daniels perform a concert in the streets of downtown Mt. Pleasant as volunteers for the Red Cross. They were raising money specifically for their infant pantry and I was able to collect the largest single donation: a $100 check.
Standing in the middle of the barricaded road with my Red Cross Volunteer Vest made me think about what I am doing. I intend to apply for a joint PhD program in English and Women's Studies at the University of Michigan this fall (for fall 2011 admittance). I want this degree because I think it will allow me to have a job in the eventual downfall of the University English Department; but the real reason I want it is so that I can understand. I want to KNOW. I want to examine those socio-economic hetero-patriarchal hegemonic power structures so that I KNOW how to turn them in on themselves. I want to expose them and say "AHA! I've got you now!" I want to understand why things happen the way they do so that I can make others understand. I want them to be empowered so they have a chance to make a choice for themselves; to be able to have some semblance of freedom (I know there are several hundred theorists which would, at this point, as if freedom is even possible; Janis Joplin would tell me it happens when there's nothing left to lose).
But, at this point in time, an academic has just so much hold. There is so much to do and not every woman (or man that cares about these power structures-yes, men can be feminists, too) is going to be going through a university class which others like me will teach. What to do? Why aren't there more of us helping organizations like the infant's pantry? Why didn't I know that the Women's Shelter probably needed volunteers? That's how I can start to make a difference.
I was thinking this as I stood there under the street light as the sun began to go down and about one hundred people crowded around the small stage to meet Jeff Daniels. I stood there, holding my donation bucket, smiling as everyone walked past me, guiltily looking away because they did not want or could not afford a donation. I didn't donate any money simply because I don't have any to give; but I have my time. I gave my time and my thoughts and stood there, smiling, hoping that at least each person walking by thought about what it might be like to be a woman or a man going into that pantry, how he or she got there, and why.
Why?
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joslyn_julia
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2010 11 August :: 3.19pm
for some reason i just started thinking:
"lolly, lolly, lolly, get your adverbs here. Father son and lolly get your adverbs here..."
I have either been watching too much children's programming or the onset of school next month is driving me crazy.
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