Me and a barrel of monkeys
Well i just can't seem to get over all the death in my life. Thats probably becuase though no one has died since Bob, i've had threats of it all around me. With my gmom being in ICU and now my dad. My dad is a diabetic. has been for about 2 years i think. Well his heart is starting to go down the shitter. He went in for an EKG and he's woried that all the questions the doc was asking implies shes worried. So im freaking. If i lose him i know for a fact that ill kill myself. Flat and outright. I might just take becs up on her offer. Apparently she would like nothing more than to take a shotgun and blow my head off. Well next time i get the chance, ill make sure to tell her im all for it. I wont lie just to completely sound like a depressed pansy. There have been a few good things i guess. I got a job. but i really dont appreciate coming home at midnight and having to practically inject myself with caffiene to be able to stay up long enough to do my hw. And i was suppose to get my paycheck yesterday. so since im not working i go in to pick it up. Well its not there and everyone that could get it for me in the office is gone. fine. but apparently tongith i came in late again. even though i called ahead of time it doesnt matter. They still left it in the office. So basically every good thing in my life right now, which is basically this job, is fucked up. I hate to sound pessimistic but when you think about it, its true. O i forgot, i do get minor pleasure from yelling at the TV whenever i hear someone talking about the election. It doesnt matter anymore. My friends couldnt care less about me. drea hates me becuase i talked to kim about drea thinking kim is a slut. Basically i did. But its kinda hard to draw a line and im not using that as an excuse.............yes i am. They are both "my friends" so i dont know who to lie to to protect the other. It's just another thing i cant handle. But im sry drea, yo8ur a gossippy little bitch that needs to keep her opinions to herself. ill admit i do talk about people sometimes but she justs winds up her mouth and lets it fly. And thats all she goes off of. What she hears. Doesnt bother to take time to figure out if its true. No of course not. Why would someone actually explain whats going on. We live in a world where all you can hope to expect is lies. NOOO you dont even get that kindness. Becuase of everyone lied you'd be able to predict them someof the time. No they change their minds and positions. Anything to move blame on to someone else and im sick of it. I cant take this world anymore. Everyone makes me sick. Whats the point? Really? When i have to go to school and question whether or not that little prissy bitch in the corner was giving me a mean look simply becuase she thought i gave her one or shes just really a bitch. Or wether or not i have to actually ask myself if my teachers arent secretly trying to find a way to fuck me over. Becuase i dont trust anyone. Not even myself. I can;t cpntrol myself so how in hell can i expect someone else to be able to control themselves? I can;t so basically ive rambled on and melded every little thing that pisses me off. Well most things. O and ive been getting sharp chest pains since Bob died. Yeah im going to be the first 16 year old to de of a heart attack. if im lucky
~BOYER

feels to be alone - and not believe
O God you have pushed me really far on this one. If you were here in my room right now, id so kick your ass. immortal deity or not. id make sure you felt the pain that i am.

about 3 weeks ago, on the day my sister was planning to leavce for college again, tab died. For those of you that dont know, Tab was my sister's bunny. He was 7. a decent run for a rabbit, but we were told a week before he was in perfect health. PERFECT FUCKING HEALTH. but then he dies. Do you know how traumatizing it is to wantch a rabbit flopp around like a fish out of water. All it wanted to do was stand. But his back was broke. my dad takes her to college since she was not stable to drive on her own. then we go down to see her a week later. we get a call when we get back that my aunt has to put down snickers. A dog. See the thing about this dog is that it has been in my family since before i can remember. i know it has had a good run. but to see it go like that. its not easy. and then the big one hits. My baby. the one constant joy in my life. my little bunny Bob dies. I wake up one morning to my mom's screams of sadness at seeing bob laying dead in his cage. at first i didnt think he was dead. his eyes were open. so i open his cage and try petting him. he was coold. and thats when i knew he was really gone. he was ice cold. It felt like my heart was ripped out and it was just laying there much like bob was. Dead and motionless. 3 deaths. 333333333333333333333333333. Was this all part of your master plan? well you know what god. Fuck you and your damn plan. go ahead. smite me. damn me to hell. I DONT CARE.
~BOYER

hahaha yeah right
I broke up with becca. she just didnt care about me. and as happy as she made me. I know this was the right decision in the long run. now i can find someone that does care. Or just lounge and enjoy my freedom for a while. bye
~BOYER

hmmm?
Hey whats up. How ya'll doing? well im over a friends house right now. doing ish.............................................................................................hard yeah i just got back from NC. I went with my sister to see a Dave Mattews concert. It was ok i guess. I wasnt really excited. Being that im not a hardcore fan. I dont know all the words to all his songs. and her friends tried to get me drunk. that didnt work very well. yah im not a big beer person. well ill update later becuase thereis more to say. PEACE OUT NEGRO
~BOYER

eww
it seems i have some updating to be doing. Speaking of doing.........Guess what i walked in on my parents doing when i got home from taking my finals? Oh you know. yeah about 30 minutes ago. i sat outside on my porch until they came out and asked me what the hell i was doing. You'd think they would have the common courtesy to let me leave and get this out of my head. "No Matt, you have chores you need to do." Thanks mom and dad.

Well i picked today to update becuase today is my two month anniversary with bekah. O God is it good to have a lasting relationship. She makes me so happy. i know this sounds so familiar. But it is familiar. Only now i dont have to think about if im doing something wrong when i kiss her. i know shes just as happy as i am. She actually feels the same way i do. And that is the main difference between her and Lauren.

But my group of friends have gone a little.....im not exactly sure. I dont understand the whole story. I havent been told the whole story. but apprently they have been talking behind my back about me and bekah. Shes been friends with them for even longer than i have. Way longer. But what i dont get is how i didnt notice all this time just how gossipy the group is. How did i not notice that? O well I think i need to go away for a little while. idk. idk much anymore. signing off
~BOYER

Becca
She's amazing. I asked Becca out on saturday. well on the 10th. she said yes. We've been dating (w/e you wanna call it) for a little over a week now. All i can say was i was being stupid. i dont know why i didnt see it before. She makes me so happy. O geez louise. Yes i just typed that. SHUTUP. Stop laughing. O well. idc. All i know is that becca makes me happy and nothing else matters right now except her. So Booyah Grandma!!!
~BOYER

No job for Matt
well it turns out that i dont get my job. though i was hired im not legally aaallowed to work there. See im only 15 and anyone 15 or younger cant work at a place where alcohol is served. But i was promised my position when i turn 16 in August. So i guess thats one plus. well im gonna go bye homees.
~BOYER

nope
kelli and i aren't going to be kelli and me. Ever it seems. Why the flirtiness. IDK. maybe it has something to do with Becca. i doubt that. Though it is a possibility. I'm not even sure if Becca likes me. But does it really matter? I like kelli. Why am i even typing this? Who cares? I just want to know if there really is a girl out there for me. And that wasnt left open for random people to reply and say o yeah you'l meet her someday. She's out there. Fuck those people. They dont do anyone any good. So i figure from now on im just going to forget about kelli or anyone else. I'm not looking for a relationship. Just if something comes up.
~BOYER

Working Boy
I have a job. The big J-O-B. Thats right folks. Mr. Matt Boyer has a job. O yeah baby. Working man. Crazy ish. Well my friend Kyle recommended me for the position of dishwasher since he was being promoted. Plus when he took me for my job interveiw, his dad picked us up in a limo since his dad had business to go to. My neighbors came out and started cheerin. And out of 10 people he found out that i was always at the top of the list. Well of course i was. My interview was yesterday and they seemed really impressed with me. At least from what i can tell. So they called this morning to tell me that I got the job. BADASS. So this weekend has been the greatest weekend of my life and i still have 2 hours and 45 minutes left. Wait there's more. i got tickets to warped tour. they came in yesterday. Man Tiger army, Yellowcard, and a whole list of other bands that i love and can't remember. Yup this weekend has been amazing. I could come away with a job, gf, and concert tickets for the greatest group of bands ever. I'm set for life. YAY!!
~BOYER

Loving Life
"Given The Chance"

the minute before we play
i'm pacing waiting anxiously
i can't wait to hit the stage
and say hello to jersey
and when the last note rings
and when i've sung all i have to sing
every minute i will count
till the next show in the next town

what can i say
that can explain
all this time
i'm LOVING LIFE
theres not a day
that i can't say
all this time
i'm living out my...

the feeling is screaming out
the words of the things i think about
hearing them coming back
from the crowds mouth is perfect
and when the curtains close
i'll realize how fast time could go
thanks for everything
you know how much this means

what can i say
that can explain
all this time
i'm LOVING LIFE
theres not a day
that i can't say
all this time
i'm living out my dream

what this is to me
is more than words could mean
i guess dreams do come true
this song itself is living proof
what this means to me
is more than it may seem
i guess dreams do come true
this song itself is living proof
what this is to me
is more than words could mean
i guess dreams do come true
this song itself is living proof

what can i say
that can explain
all this time
i'm LOVING LIFE
theres not a day
that i can't say
all this time
i'm singing out
singing a song about
a dream that has come true

O my freakin God. Life kicks so much ass right now. Well we had a semi-formal last nigh. I couldnt find a date since Kelli was going out with Tom. But on Monday night, my friend Becca called and said that her boyfriend was being a dick and borke up with her and now she had two unrefundable tickets and asked me if i wanted to go. I said of course. Then last night after having a week of the hardest track practices ever (I felt really good after them even though i collapsed in one of them, i felt really in shape and healthy) was the dance. So i go to pick up Becca and she looks great. We get a few pictures and then go across the street to our other friends house. While at Heather's (the other friend) we took another set of pics with her and her date. Which interestingly enough, was another chick. Neither of them are lesbians, 'cus i know everyone reading this is gonna think that. Stuff happened and basically their boyfriends couldnt go. So they decided why not just go together. They were crazy and joking about it like that. It was funny how they got flowers for each other and stuff. But at the same time that meant that i kinda had 3 dates (emphasis on kinda). But anyway it was fun. so we get to the dance and the decorations look like they were bought at the dollar store. And i told everyone so. But it didnt matter to any of us. We were having such a badass time. Then Becca and i really started dancing and it was sooo much fun. Especially compared to last year. Which i think ive mentioned before. (Recap: i really dont think she wanted to be there with me) The whole dance was spent in the back where our group of i guess about 15 or so like it. Anyway i saw kelli. She was with Tom since they had bought the tickets together before they broke up and i guess they wanted to go together still. I dont know. But she looked amazing. I didnt want to be all over her though. even though in my opinion we were kinda flirty all night. I didnt want to make Becca feel like i was deserting her. After all 9i was there with her and i think my main job there besides making sure i have a good time, is making sure my date has a good time. And i think i did a pretty good job of that. Then after the dance ended we went to get our jackets and stuff. I saw Lincul adn Salera there. Lincul is the craziest kid ive ever met. But moving on. Becca and i went outside to wait for her dad since her parents wanted to do pick up becuase where we were going next, well my persnts had no idea how to get there. So i offered her my jacet nad she took it. Like a gentleman (momma raised me good). Then i notcied she was still shivering so i put my arm around her and she got really coles to me. Like as close as she possibly could. She was cold. So we watied for her dad. He came and we went to a kid name Matt's house. When we got there clueless was on. Neither of us we interested in watching it so we went downstairs and we watched tv. Despite the situation, i didnt want to make any sorta move. Of any kind. I really got the impression that Becca liked me since she was the one that first suggested to go downstairs and watch tv. But i still like Kelli. And sice at the dance i noticed Tom was nowhere near her, i knew that kelli was available. And even if she wasnt. i didnt want to do anything with Becca if im still tinking about Kelli. It wouldn't be fair to her. So nothing happened. But about 10 minutes before hjer parents came (we knew when her parents would be coming) somehow (i forget) but our hands met and there was that romantic hand grab moment. Of course it wasn't like fingers interlocking kinda ish, but it was there. I know. Major screw up on my part. I'm worried i gave Becca the wrong impression. I like her and all but i like kelli more. so her parents came and picked us up and i got drtopped off. I finally got my coat back. I didnt mind but i told her she could keep wearing it if she were still cold over at Matt's. So we hugged. Nothing special. just a hug. And then i went in. And that was my great night. Except for the potential screw i up, i can't think of anything better. well i gtg.
~BOYER