iwasthinkingthat
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2005 21 February :: 8.25am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Alkaline Trio- Trouble Breathing
Let it Snow?
Hello...long time no see.
I dont have much to write about but thats okay.
Yesturday I started invoices at work and I think my manager might find me useful now. I have to go in at 11 today because the day hostess is sick. I really hope they dont expect me to come back in at 6 which is my regular shift.
Its my first day off of winter break and I didnt even get to sleep in. I was awoken about 5 times last night. That is including this morning at 8. I guess sleeping just isnt for me.
Lisa, Im sorry about last night. I fell asleep at 7 and didnt wake back up until midnight. I suck. I really wanted to watch it and cry with you: (
It is snowing like a mother out there.
Thats that.
BYE
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2005 8 February :: 9.22pm
:: Mood: scared
:: Music: Saves the Day- Hold
Where do I go
I just wanted to update and let you know Im alive...whoever you are.
I dont want to talk. My stomach has been in a knot for about a week now. I dont know where to go or what to do because Im not happy and I cant figure out what will make me happy. Great timing huh...2 years and now this happens.
Im losing it...entirely Im falling apart and I dont even want anyone to catch me. I just want to fall, get up and do what I have to do. But you have a hold on me.
Yeah...thats enough
BYE
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2005 31 January :: 11.28am
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: Shinedown- In memory
If I did it differently
I went through something I doubt I'll ever go through again. I dont really want to tell everyone but I think its something that should be out there so maybe you'll think.
I dont usually go to parties let alone drink. I got over all that and I dont like what it does to people. I dont like how it takes people and obsesses them. But on Saturday night I lied to everyone and I went to a party with Lisa. It was are friends from work apartment. All these people from school walked in. I thought I hated these people but I learned a lot about them. Danielle and Kaitlin walked in with their own alcohol. Lisa and I drank way too much. People acctually got really worried about me and the girls I thought I didnt like took care of me. I woke up around 5 and almost everyone was gone. I walked around and then went back to sleep. In the morning I drove Christian and I to work and I puked all day there. I started getting worried about Lisa since she was still at the house so I left. I went to go get her and the apartment was filled with cops. They asked me who I was and said that they were looking for me and I had to come with them. They brought me downtown and I had to talk to a detective for an hour. Thats when I found out what happened. I basically woke up when the girls crashed that morning. I talked to all the other girls there and they think that the intentions of the girls were to do exactly what happened. Who would think that these beautiful popular girls were depressed. If I didnt drink I could have made sure they didnt get in the car. I absolutely hate drunk driving. It is the worst thing you can do...I would have stopped them. I had to go home and tell my parents what had happened and they didnt punish me but they cried with me. I had to tell Sean and he went crazy on me.
I was one of the last people to see this girl before she died. Thats such a horrible thought. Death shouldnt take place around strangers. It shouldnt take place in a car. It shouldnt happen when you are trashed and cant think straight. I'm sorry to anyone friends with her and her family.
I'm sorry.
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iwasthinkingthat
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2005 27 January :: 8.40pm
:: Mood: gloomy
Then say it...
Not much going on.
Its been a bad week.
I cut my hair...8 inches.
I'll take a shower now.
BYE
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2005 25 January :: 11.24am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Cold- No one
Fuck You?
So, I have been grounded from the computer for about a week and a half.
Nothing great has been going on and really I dont know why Im writing in here because I dont have much to say at all. I am in a wicked pissy mood and I love how people know how to take that and escalade it as high as they can. Everyone is a complete moron lately and I dont feel like being around any of them. People dont know how to respect each other or even themselves. People cant be mature about one Goddamn thing they do and its really frusterating. My mom is re-doing the house...why? Maybe because she feels it will cover everything up. There is no conversation in the house no matter how hard I try. Maybe if it looks pretty we'll forget to notice. I'm having a horrible morning and the only one I want to talk to is being a dick. Sorry...but you are.
We are supposed to have a p-day today for Jenns birthday but no one has called me besides Jenn at 8 in the morning to tell me something that I didnt want to hear. Not because I dont believe she can do what she wants but because she's doing it for all the wrong reasons.
When I go to college that will be the last of everyone minus a couple. I dont even give a shit either.
Thats the mood of the day.
BYE
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2005 11 January :: 12.40pm
:: Mood: stressed
Current Situation
Im not aloud on the computer as you might have noticed.
Today my mom told me I degrade her and she isnt going to talk to me anymore.
My dad is mad at me.
Unknown reasons...overreactions
Im really dissappointed with some people.
I wish I worked more...its the best place to go when you dont want to deal with your own life...you deal with others.
Well this is brief and Im done
BYE
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2004 30 December :: 10.12am
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: mmhmm
Where have you been?
Well yesturday was P-DY... yeah... no A. Jenn went snowboarding instead. It's ok. I bought Requim for a Dream and we watched that. I love that movie. We had weggies and cheese fondu. I had to work at 6 so Lauren and Lisa went to the mall. It wasnt like a real p-day. Dont get me wrong, I had fun, but it wasnt the same. We need to work on that I guess.
Work was real gay. Not fun. I hung out with Jays mom and Nancy for awhile which was fun. Lisa and Bethany came and I talked to them for awhile. We got some food and snuck it into the movie theatre and saw Meet the Folkers. (spelling?) I fell flat on my butt going to my car because it was icy and it was reallllly funny. I got home around midnight thirty.
Well I have to go.
BYE
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2004 28 December :: 10.26am
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Scratch
Not Available
So...whats new?
Not much of anything. I was at work until 10:45 last night helping in the kitchen which was funny. I had to touch meat and stuff which was really sick but pretty funny. It kind of sucked because Lisa, Bethany and I were going to go to the movies and I totally fucked it up since I couldnt drive Lisa. Sorry about that...we will go.
I hurt my knee last night which was gay. I moved and my knee cap like slid or something and now I cant bend my knee all the way with out it hurting really bad. How dumb.
I really want a lot of food right now. I hate that.
P-Day is tomorrow. I hope that turns out really fun. I would like that a lot. Maybe we'll make it out to Fulton or something fun like that.
Im a litttle sad right now for non-apparent reasons. Ehh whatever.
Well...good
BYE
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2004 25 December :: 7.06pm
:: Mood: a little lonely
:: Music: Everclear- I will buy you a new life
It was loud and now it is quite
So I had a meaningful Christmas. My big present was a hope chest. It was passed down from 5 generations and it is about 100 years old. My parents got it refurnished and spent an arm and a leg on it. It has the generations stained in it. It is really cool. I got clothes and socks and beanies and gloves. I got a new purse that is leather and green. I got this awEsome watch also. My reletives gave me lots of money and gift certificates. I got $75 worth of gas cards and I love it.
Sean got me the best PJs in the entire world. They are the footsie kind. I also got a duck and a beanie and gloves and socks.
So now all of my family has left. This is the time when we are usually at my Nana's house. I hate not being there. I really miss her.
Well Christmas was good and I will talk more later.
Merry Christmas
BYE
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2004 8 December :: 6.39pm
Today
You Are the Loyalist |
6
You have strong relationships and are intensely loyal.
People find you easy to love and care for.
You like your world to be stable and secure, no surprises.
You're cautious. You prefer your inner circle to the outside world.
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So school was the usual. I got my parking pass. The test was amazingly stupid. I got a 100 on it. After school I drove Sean home and went to the bank. Then I picked up Tasha. We went to Zebbs where we ate a hell of a lot of food. After that we went to the mall for some Christmas shopping. It was fun. <3 Tasha.
So tomorrow I get to drive to school which means Dunkin Donuts.
What else? Ehh nothing.
BYE
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2004 7 December :: 7.11pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: Sunday Driver
Things are going quite nicely
Today was pretty blah. Nothing really exciting happened. Sean came home on the bus with me and I drove us to Wendy's. We ate in the car for the pure sake that we could. I drove him home. He went to Price Chopper and got a job. Now Im not the only one bringing home the dough. That means someone better start paying for me!
So my mom proved her insanity tonight. She is of the hanger let me tell you. Details? Ask me.
Tasha and I are going to Zebbs and the Mall tomorrow which I am wicked excited about. I <3 Tasha so its going to be fun.
I can start driving to school on Thursday which will be good...no more bus riding.
Oh yeah! Today I got 5 new cds from Sean and I like them so Im really excited!!!
Okay, thats that.
BYE
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2004 6 December :: 11.18am
:: Mood: totally awEsome
:: Music: Dean Martin- Winter Wonderland
WOO!
So I woke up feeling really sick. I went to school for sociology. Then my dad picked me up at 8:30 and I went and took my roadtest. I did awEsome! All I did wrong was I stopped at an intersection without a stopsign because I thought I should be safe. I kicked butt on my parrellel parking. I wasnt nervous at all. So awEsome! So I didnt feel like going back to school...my stomach hurts. Now I watched some TV and took a shower. I think I will make some mac and cheese. Then Im meeting Sean and school and then going to work. Of course it has to start snowing so my dad might not let me do that but we'll see!
BYE
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2004 4 December :: 8.49am
:: Mood: tired
Hmm....well thats okay
So... School yesturday wasnt too bad. Both studyhalls were fun. Lisa and I filled out sex surveys.
After School I went to Ling Ling Buffet and then to work. Work was good and slow. Lisa drove me home and we had our moments where death looked probabal. No...it wasnt that bad. I went home and tried to figure out what my parents are getting me for christmas. They went out yesturday and wouldnt tell me where too but I heard it closes at 5. So my present is somewhere that closes at 5. I might have picked up on a clue when I got home from work but I dont get how it all fits together.
Today, I have to work at 10:45. That shall be fun and all. After work Sean is coming over to help me clean my room because I cant do it alone... yeah, my room is that bad.
Tomorrow I work at 2 so that means I have no free time. Yuck.
Oh well.
Well, Im going to go take a shower.
BYE
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2004 1 December :: 8.02pm
:: Mood: rejuvenated
:: Music: Juliana Theory- August In Bethany
<3 friends
So school was school and that was annoying. I rocked bowling in gym. Lisa and I went all over the school during studyhall and then went to Sean and Jenn's painting class and we painted pretty pictures.
After school Jenn and I went to both of our banks and to my house where we met Lisa and Lauren. Yes, the P-Day Crew all together. We went to Fresnos and ate a lot. Well, Lisa and I ate a lot and they ate a little. We all went to the mall and did some Christmas shopping. I have a lot to still do. We went to Build-a-bear and we made P-Day bears and we are going to decorate the shirts. They are for when we are apart during college so we will always have them with us. We are so awEsome. So now I'm home. You dont know what it does for me to see everyone again. I have always needed friends and lately I havent had anyone close to me besides Sean. So it felt great to be with the people I trust more than anyone in the world again.
So that got me thinking about all the great friends I really miss.
I miss Kendra. I will never have a friend like her again. No one will ever live at my house days on end or make ridiculous videos with me.
I miss Hillary. She is the friend from way back and I always wish we were closer.
I miss Bethany. We had so much fun everytime we were together. She was such a great friend to me.
I miss Jay since he was a guy that I could have fun with and talk to but still be just great friends.
I miss P-Day but it seems to be coming back to life.
I want to become better friends with Tasha because she is awEsome and we have a lot of fun together.
I just miss everyone who used to have such a big impact on my life. It feels so good being with friends.
Ug, Im so corny. I just feel really good right now.
Maybe I have a New Years Resolution on my hands?
Well, thats it for me.
BYE
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2004 30 November :: 8.11pm
:: Music: Juliana Theory- This is not a Love Song
So this was another bad day. But it had some perks.
I hate having a period. It makes a moody individual.
P-DAY is going to the mall tomorrow to Christmas shop which really excites me. We also have a P-DAY planned for the 21st. MMM...I miss P-Day...I will never feel that comfortable with anyone else. We are awEsome together.
My dad called the DMV and got my road test scheduled for Monday (the 6th of December) so that made me happy.
Sean came over and we did our math homework together which helped us.
My mom and I are fighting again I think.
Well thats about it.
BYE
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