christmas
the only part about christmas i enjoy is decorating the house at about 11 pm at night by myself. it just is..i dunno
mom puts the lights up and i do the rest
there is one set of lights that u can press a button and they change the tempo of the blinking
its my favorite
this year we had to throw it away...i felt so..depressed all cry-y and ish
mom knew that its just something that i had to have..so at fucking 10pm we went to CVS n got lights
lol
i love my mom
yeah
jamie spiker came over friday night
it was funny
and his first time
we r supposed to hang out today too
i dunno
i dont really like getting high nemore
its just not...i dunno
its just not the same or like it used to be
gah..so yeah
bobby is online
im all staring at his name and ish
trying not to like him...failing grr
jon is like...not there nemore.
ill probably still like him but he was such a fucking faggot
talking about me to jamie
grr
n dave...i dunno lol
hes so...dave...at least i can like him in secret and peace
except kim flirts with him
YOU GOTA FUCKIN BF
gimmie a fucking chance...

hung out with gurney too
he is such a fucking hysterical person
n thats saying something
cuz everyone can make me laugh
u cant u got something wrong with u
but hes just so funny

yeah...i dont want to go to school tommorw
i want it to be christmas time except a year ago
before my life started changing
i usually save this for my newyears post
but im gonna start now
things that have changed since last year:
1. smoke a lot
2. made honor roll
3. started loosing myself more n more
4. met bobby, jon, and dave managed to push and be pushed away by each of them
5. not best friends with kim like i used to be
6. friends with danielle n jaycee lol lyl
7. not gotten a new hair style

my opinion of my life hasnt changed
im still waiting for love lol
still kills me eh
i wanna stop smoking
like i think that should be my goal in life right now
sucky goal right?
eh?
new years i wanna hangout with jon jaycee danielle and other guys that dont do drugs
but i doubt thats gonna happen
ill probably end up passing out in some random fuck's house
if i end up walking around by myself ill probably kill myself
happy new year
maybe ill jump off the bridge
...
sry for the manic depressive
better in this thing than my head

yeah

gahh i need something to do with my life
that isnt getting stoned every night
yay for ryming
fuck u my spelling

i kinda went backwards with the progress i was making with my life
if i was making progress at all

s-o-m-e-b-o-d-y
.s.a.v.e.m.e.