I wanted to believe in all the words I was speaking, as we moved together in the dark.
And all the friends that I was telling.
And all the playful misspellings.
And every bite I gave you left a mark.
Tiny vessels oozed into your neck,
and formed the bruises that you said you didn't want to fade, but they did, and so did I, that day.
I checked woohu to see if anyone left me a comment on my new note. But I didnt write one. lol
That party was awesome.
I saw two guys i havnt seen since 8th grade, two girls since 11th grade, michelles old roomate fell into my lap and gave me many hugs, steve-o, two girls from my class, the guy who is always having sex that lives above me, suezann, kevin, jon, tom and joe.
I'm a jack ass.
And damn proud of it.
I wish I had a theme song.
Perhaps I will right one later on tonight.
Anyway, I went back to work friday.
For how long, no one knows.
I go back monday to finish doing what I was doing friday.
Gauging hooks on springs is fun! NOT!
I did well over 5,000 on friday.
I sat alone in a corner for 8 hours.
Booze cruisin' was in store for this evening.
But our parade got rained on.
More like stormed actually.
His daughter came over for a few hours, and by the time her mother picked her up, he was dead asleep.
And dead asleep is where he stays.
I'm not surprised though.
Tomorrow we have wrestling.
Yay! Not. I get to sit on hard bleachers for about 5 hours, trying to look interested in little boys touching each other.
Anyway, it's time to go see if maybe he'll wake up.
on the good side of things though, i get to see Clutch in March. Also the expansion to Oblivion is coming out soon. Many hours will be devoted to that.
So I had this dream, and I think that it's kind of relative to my life and my current mindset...
so I'm in a room of mirrors... and I see a bunch of things, what they are is irrelevant to you. THey were all things that I desire (make jokes, go ahead). I try my hardest to get a hold of everything I see, but no matter how real it looks to me, when I try to grab it it just ends up being the reflection. I cannot, for the life of me, find the real things.
you can imagine how frustrating this was for me.
so , to make me feel less wierd about this, lets make a joke...
Kevin, you were trying to get a hold of (fill in the blank).
Today I got 2 kind of good phone calls.
The first one was from my mom.
Calls from her usually don't result in anything that makes me happy.
But I get to go work with her tomorrow and make money.
Kind of exciting. I get to answer phones.
It was more exciting to want to do, but now that i get to, im not so excited. haha
And I got a call from Vicki at Peoplelink and I go back to work on Friday!
So I'll hardly be online anymore, and very rarely will I be up past 9 haha.
Things are still good with Mike and I, even though we have had a couple of arguments this week.
He needs to learn to sleep.
And I need to leave him alone when he's trying to sleep. haha
Yeah buddy.
So I am long overdue for a good rant.
I knew it was too good to be true that I was truly happy.
That all I did was smile.
And that we were getting along so good.
We aren't arguing.
Just creating a huge space.
I hate how when I leave for a few hours when him and his daughter are here, I come back to this place absolutly trashed.
It's fucking ridiculous how little control he has over her.
He doesn't pay any fucking attention to her and just lets her do whatever.
The last time I tried to say anything about it, I got my head bit off.
Not only is it that, she goes through ALL of my stuff.
When she takes a shower, she uses MY towel.
Hello, haven't you ever heard of getting one from the shelf with a TON of towels?
It's actually quite simple. I do it rather often.
I know she's 8 and I shouldn't be so pissed but for Christ Sakes.
When I was 8 years old, I was using my own towel.
Everytime she gets a glass of WATER, she gets different glass.
She attempted to make mac & cheese.
Eats ALL of our food.
It's insane.
What hurts most of all, is that he's not happy.
I try my hardest to make him happy.
I give him everything I can..
I'm not Paula, and I'm not Lori.
Nor will I ever be, and nor do I want to be even close.
For some god forsaken reason, he holds Paula on this pedistal above everyone else.
She cheated on her HUSBAND with Mike, and they had a kid together.
I'm not sure if its the PMS peaking through but I'm in such a terrible mood.
I cried the whole way home from my moms.
And I'm fighting back the tears right now.
Everything is going to fall to shit again.
I hate it when the weather is shitty out because then I don't feel like going anywhere.
Then I get really irritated from being sick of sitting home..
The madness!
Snow = Shitty.
Today we spent opening up to each other.
And I felt awful because he didn't go to sleep until 6:30 this evening after working all night long.
I feel like a load has been lifted.
When he was in showering, I went out and started the car for him, and in 2 inches of snow on the windshield, I wrote "I LOVE YOU"..
It's hard to believe that yesterday marked 15 months.
The more time I spend with him, the more I love him.
I haven't cried in awhile.
And it feels great.
I'm constantly smiling.
It's a wonderful feeling.
And it's not drug alcohol or pill induced either.
Anyway I need to get some rest. I believe Rachel is stopping by on her way home from CMU.
I haven't seen her in FOREVER!
Oh, and I saw Tara yesterday.
I miss her dearly.
She'll always be my best friend.
And so will Justy, and of course my sister who I love more than anything.
I'm come to terms with my insecurities.
Which in turn has made me become rather bitter.
My sarcasm has spiked to its all time high.
I've pushed my mother away, because I don't believe anything she says anymore.
I think we've only argued once since we moved.
He's becoming more serious about our relationship.
We are working on communicating more.
I am very happy.
Our financial troubles are working themselves out.
But I have to go clean and do laundry!
If I didnt treasure my internet dearly, I'd tell Charter to lick my anal region.
First my VOD doesn't work.
So they had to reset.
Then my movie channels wont work.
So they had to reset.
Now nothing works.
Fucking dumb asses
The only problem I have with any minority is that they continually go on about how they want equality (by which I mean equal seats in government, business, schooling). They want half of the pie. the problem is, why would you give half of the pie to 30% of the population. That means the other 70% is only gettin half. Now that's not very fair is it? Young minorities are trained by their parents that everyone is out to get them, especially the white man. So they respectably honor their own traditions ( no foul play there), but in turn feel as though it is their mission in life to push this tradition on others, and when we don't want to be a part necessarily, it's racism. The minorities of the past suffered immensly, and today these people should be educated about it, as "white people" are educated about horrible things we've done about minorities, i.e. hitler, slavery, etc.... ( by the way, fuck howard zin, he goes on the incesent rants about how we aren't educated and we don't know anything about how awful of people we are). I feel no need to apologize for what someone did 200 years ago. I don't have the same mind set, feeling, or faith as those people, so why should I feel bad? In fact, I'd rather not associate with them at all. Maybe I should turn myself green, then people will leave me alone.
Basically, everyone needs to shutup, deal with what they have, and make more valuable educated decisions about what we, (majority or minority), do in the future.
when andrew clute is rich and famous he will take care of me and jes jes forever because he is our best friend and the three of us will have a threes company thing going on. like we already do except we will live in a gigantic mansion with sean william scott. because he is the hottness
I just typed out a long entry on how I feel about marriage and pregnancy and all that.
Then I decided to erase it and not post it because my opinions on said subjects aren't what anyone wants to hear.
However, I will say this, I am so sick of hearing about people from belding getting pregnant.
There's better things to do.
Carley, I barely have service at my apartment, so if I call you from my house don't ignore it.. It'll be a 989 number.. I'll call either tonight or tomorrow. I love you.