I wanted to believe in all the words I was speaking, as we moved together in the dark.
And all the friends that I was telling.
And all the playful misspellings.
And every bite I gave you left a mark.
Tiny vessels oozed into your neck,
and formed the bruises that you said you didn't want to fade, but they did, and so did I, that day.
::
2007 30 May :: 7.48pm
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: Interpol - The Heinrich Maneuver
At least the new QOTSA cd comes out in two weeks.
I was running for awhile, but then I stopped, and now I’m starting again.
Even though it's bloody hot out there.
I figure I can at least make myself more appealing physically. Because it’s not what inside that’s winning the boys over.
Thoughts on my birthday
As my birthday nears, I'm not as excited as I was last week or the week before.
It's not going to be as grand as I had anticipated because more than likely I won't be able to afford to do anything.
I'll be taking the day off of work, but it won't be to do anything I'd like to or will be enjoying.
Something has me in a mood right now.
Well more like all day.
Mike told me that he'd try to make my birthday special for me without having to go out and spend money.
It was sweet.
This morning he woke me up at about 2, and told me that he thought we needed to spend some quality time together.
That he wanted me to be awake with him and watch a movie and cuddle.
Hopefully Jamie quit calling Carley.
And I also hope what Mike and I said to him, didn't make matters worse.
Mike started in when he called me a 'fucking dead beat'.
So no fair with Carley today.
That bummed me out.
I was really looking forward to it.
Instead I went to the Car show, ate elephant ears and watched the smoke show with Mike and Darielle (his daughter).
Now I am waiting for Buc and Mike to get back with the car so I can go to dinner with my dad, sister and brother in law.
My arms are cold and tired.
So my tara and my katelyn have finally graduated.
And still 2 years later, I do NOT miss high school at all.
It was fun while it lasted, but it was time to move on.
Blazin' buffalo & Ranch Dorito's are my new favorite.
Except they need more of a ranch flavor to them.
Right now Wayne is here looking at Mike's truck.
He's interested in buying it.
My Carley is coming over tomorrow!
We're going to Sheridan Fair it up!
There's PONIES!
It's a little rinky dink springfest.
I also have to make time for my sister and brother-in-law.
Perhaps they will join us all at the fair tomorrow.
oOoh!
I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore
Without a life vest I'd be stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'
Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be
be
I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)
Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space
I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow (yeah)
Just to prove that I knew how (yeah)
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Set front row in my need to fall
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
into the ocean...end it all
[Zayra]
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(In to space)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(I thought of just your face)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Baseball 4 nights a week is going to be the death of me.
My birthday is nearing.
17 days actually.
Im way excited.
Red Lobster for Carley and I!
Not sure what else though.
Mike isn't getting very excited about my birthday.
Oh well.
Tara and Katie Graduate on Thursday!
Makes me feel old.
READ THIS.
Ok, so I lost all of my photos. Everything. Prom, graduation, parties, my first trip out of state, artsy shots, hanging out, my first photos with my new camera.. basically every photo in the past two years.
What happened is I deleted my account, because I couldn't remember my password for the life of me. I was asked if I'd like my files moved, so I said yes. Then I was asked if I'd like to delete my account even though my files would be deleted, I then chose no. After I chose that my account was deleted anyway.
I did searches in all drives and found nothing. And yes, I did check the recycle bin and nothing was there either. It's like they were just gone after the account thing.
If anyone has any way of getting something like this back please help me.
Basically I have lost all hope and am sure that everything is gone.
So, I am asking anyone who has any photos from an event I attended, or when friends hung out, Graduation, dances, prom.. please send them to me. Burn them to a CD or something.
Please take the time to help me out. I am completely crushed to have lost all of these photos.
Things seem to be holding themselves together.
I went back to work on monday.
It was a little rough trying to get back in the swing of things, but I managed to get myself through the week.
I realized that I function better if I sleep less.
Actually, I have a hard time falling asleep or feeling tired before 11:00.
My last day through Peoplelink is the 28th, and then I transfer to Manpower.
Unless GRC decides that they want to hire me in full time.
I sent a rather lengthy email to the head HR personnel today.
I thoroughly explained my reasonings behind why I believe I should be hired in, with details of what my daily tasks entale.
I, being a temp shouldn't be doing the computer update, the paper work, making labels, or full-time employee annual testing. (There are other tasks but my mind fails to remember them).
I also became line leader when I returned back to work, because Micki went to Rockford to work on third shift..
Total crock if you ask me.
I care about my job because I fear losing it, but I don't care enough to blow or kiss ass to get a raise or promotion.
I signed a job posting to work in service, but I won't get it.
I spent 3 hours doing computer testing today and then I was frowned upon because my line was behind.
Not my fault by the way.
Mike got his lay off slip last night.
Sorry, I am just in the mood to piss and moan about whatever I possibly can.
It started at 6:00 this AM.
I spent five hours in the E.R. with my mom last night.
It was upsetting to see my mom like she was.
It was late, and I had to work in the morning.
The only thing that made me smile was the meth-head who shared a curtin with us. She was totaly nuts and it was funny.
Now I know I shouldent laugh at that, but at least she will get help.
I get two of my teeth filed today after work. That should be interesting. The only thing left to do will be to whiten my teeth then I will have a nice smile. I hope.
I go back to work today.
Im not that excited about it.
I enjoyed being laid off but the lack of money sucked.
Unemployment was paying shit.
Mike is losing his job in two weeks.
Its been awhile since I've seen 5 AM.
And I think I got up way too early.
I slept wrong on my neck.
If you haven't noticed I feel like complaining right now.
Meh, whats the use.
Lost and Found
Well all I'm very upset. I either left my new cowboy hat somewhere or someone stole it..... That was the first thing my dad's bought me in like 5 years. :( It meant alot to me because it was my favorite hat that I've owned. If anyone would like to help me try to buy a new one Please send money to my house just some spare change or something. Thanks if anyone responds and sends money my way.
::
2007 6 May :: 8.54pm
:: Mood: my buzz is almost dead
:: Music: something interesting at the coffee shop
Rolling with the Punches.
I haven't updated in months and months. I have been so absorbed in this whole business of making a living and a life, with Dustin. It's definitely drained me. I did not do as well in school as I probably could have because I didn't focus. I'm off of school until the end of June: I am taking one summer course to catch up my chemistry credits. I already had to take Bio twice because I skipped too many classes(including exams) my
first semester.
I just moved on Friday. Almost on a whim, Dustin and I signed a lease for this little apartment near WMU campus two weeks ago and just... moved out. It's hard because we were living with brother in the house my parents own and now he's left with a ditsy, deadbeat 'model' (whom I personally kicked the shit out of one night a couple months back), and her brother. They don't know what he has to go through just to live in that house. It's complicated, I guess.
I haven't really made any friends down here at all. The one time I went out with some of the people I work with, I got everyone kicked out of the bar, and I haven't been invited since. I'm doing a little better at keeping the few friends I've got floating around Grand Rapids (and Chicago), and those are the ones that reall y matter to me; but there are many that I lost touch with and miss :( I don't dwell on it, I try to move forward.
Everything will be fine, it just isn't yet..
Peace, for now.
So I guess I'm going to go see Three Days Grace with my sister on the 20th in Detroit? It should be good times.
And then It's Deftones June 14th in GR
BNL June 15th at DTE
Queens of the Stone Age whenever they come to Michigan
Dave Mathews Band August 25th at DTE
I got called a hussy by a kid around the age of ten today.
Little bastard.
Baseball starts tomorrow!
Woo-ha..
Little kids attempting to play baseball.
I have a feeling its going to be about the same as them attempting to play soccer.
Watching 8 year olds play soccer/baseball, is worse than watching the special olympics.
From 11 last night until 5 this afternoon was the longest I have ever gone without speaking to or seeing Michael in the last 18 months.
It was really hard for me.
But when I saw him, I realized how lucky I am for what I have with him.
I also realized, that I don't ever want to lose him.
And that I am in this relationship until death.
::
2007 30 April :: 12.05am
:: Music: Crazy - K-Ci and Jo-Jo
What zeh fuck..
Shitty end to a perfect weekend.
Went to the blessing of the bikes in Holland today.
That was a long ride.
But I made it safely.
A couple of the guys we went with, left shortly after we did, and they collided and crashed.
Leaving both bikes totalled, and one guy with a broken foot.
I'm so happy that it's finally riding season.
Maybe I will finally muster up the courage to learn to drive a motorcycle. Not that I'm scared, just a tad nervous.
I think before I even attempt to do that, I need to practice safe speeds in a car/truck first.
Apparently, I was doing about 90-95 up 131 today in his truck when we were coming home.
His spedometer is WAY off.
Oh well.
I also got pulled over tonight.
Wasn't for speeding. And there wasn't a ticket issued either.
I didn't cry to get out of it either.
Oh well, enough information disclosed about that.
So I really wish that I would have been told by Peoplelink before today, almost 2 weeks AFTER my lay-off that I was eligible for unemployment again.
However they are a bunch of flaming idiots.
I did file a claim though.
I have to call tomorrow to see if I can claim these last two weeks.
Hopefully I can.
I recieved a call from Vicki at Peoplelink telling me that I can work in Rockford for awhile and then she said she'd call back with a time/date that I could start over there.
I stopped into Peoplelink and she still hadn't heard from them with a date or time.
She told me that if I wanted to take a pay cut, I could go to Clarion and work 3rd shift.
We'll see how things go tomorrow.
I need a paycheck. Not having money blows ass.
I should probably pick my mouse up off the floor..
