Ramblings

Ramblings

:: 2005 11 May :: 8.37pm
:: Mood: drained

Breaking News
I was just attacked by a cupboard. I went to open it, it fell OFF THE WALL, and onto me. Parent's helped save me from being crushed underneath it. No gaping wounds, no broken bones, no visible bruises. Just broken glasses, stratched eye glasses, and puffy eyes. Cementing a rather bad day into my memory forever as teh day I failed a math test, got a c on a math quiz, and almost got crushed by a cupboard. So how was your day? (P.S.- I don't fail, I don't get C's... I MUST do better in math, or someone dies.)

reflect

kiwi

:: 2005 7 May :: 8.14pm
:: Mood: beautiful
:: Music: Radio station

Shallowness
So this is a kind of shallow post, but hey, what they hell. Why not?
Ok So I recently got my extremely long hair (down to my butt) cut to about my chin. At first I thought I was cutting off my best asset, but I like me with my short hair and my firends (who have seen it so far) like it too. Oddly though, one of my friends said that now guys would be lining up to go out with me. Could my long hair have made me look worse? I've loved it for so long. I don't know. of course she's my friend and she over loosk my age, and some problems I find with myslef, because she's nice. Hehe. I wish i could post a picture of myself so i could see if guys think i'm hot, oh yes that's something I would do, put up a poll asking of my hot factor hehehe.
True I've had my eye on a guy since like the first week of school, which is sad because the most I've done is say hi adn intorduce myslef... god I can talk to any boy in school but him. I kinda wish he would approach me, but he doesn't seem like that kind of guy. Damn me and my prefrences. Not to mention he's a junior. Maybe my new hair will lure him. that would be nice. Actaully I'll have more time for clothes and makeup now with less hair. That could be cool. Argh. I ahte being shallow like this. I did have a dream in which he totally was flirting with me. But it was a fantasy, not a prophacy, but a girl can wish.

reflect

kiwi

:: 2005 7 May :: 8.14pm
:: Mood: beautiful
:: Music: Radio station

reflect

kiwi

:: 2005 11 April :: 5.06pm
:: Mood: sexy
:: Music: Weezer

Wierdness
So i'm proud of myself for not getting buried under my friend's journal entries. And having time and spending time with friends. And almost being done with a book, and getting a-'s from two of my classes for the marking period. And other stuff like that. And it's stupid because I used to find that only sub-par and now it's good? Damn high school, and I'm not ever learning like I expected I would. That's really depressing. Stupid stupid people, keeping me down. Oh well I must continue my self-education then!

ON another note, I flirted and took advantage of a boy on saturday, it was fuuuun. hehe. I shoudl do it more often. And I have sexy librarian glasses, I love them adn I've gotten a bunch of compliments on them. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

reflect

kiwi

:: 2005 16 February :: 7.47pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
:: Music: The Smiths

again, why not
I never really does these... sooo...

reflect

kiwi

:: 2005 16 February :: 7.41pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
:: Music: The Smiths

... why not

~Long Survey~ (w/ good grammar and decent, unique questions)
Created by donttalktome and taken 7110 times on bzoink!
The Basics and Some Personals
Name:	Katie, Kiwi
Age:	14 years 10 months
Shoe Size:	7 1/2
Height:	5' 4"
Weight:	135?
Pants Size:	14
Shirt Size:	... medium?
Innie or Outie?	innie
Love Questions
Are you in Love?	I think so
Are you single or taken?	single
If single, for how long?	for ever
If taken, for how long?	never
If taken, by whom?	no one...
Do you like guys or girls?	I'm not sure, I think both...
What do you think about Sporty guys?	As long as they aren't total jocks
Smart?	YIPPEE!
Dorky?	The thicker the better! (The BOOK!)
Popular?	ewwy...
Your Favorites
Kind of Food:	Desert
Color:	green
Song:	When I was a Young Girl
Band:	Five O' Clock Shadow
Singer:	... Joan Jett
CD:	Heavy Petting Zoo- NOFX
Kind of Music:	Rock
Animal:	Cavies
Place to be?	Woods
Vacation spot:	Bahamas
Actor:	Johnny Depp
Actress:	Julia Stiles
Comedian:	Ryan Stiles
Soap Opera:
Day Time Talk Show:
Game Show:
All Around Favorite Show:	Doug
Drink:	Root Beer
Restaurant:	Friendly's
Number:	13
Letter:
Word:	Thwart
Your Short Opinion on..
George W. Bush:	hisssss
Gay Marriage:	GO GAY PEOPLE!
Rocketing Gas Prices:	stupid cars
Minimum Wage ($6.75):	... ummm shoplifting anyone?
Drunk Driving:	... just be safe
Legal Driving Age:	when you're tall enough to see over the wheel
Anorexia:	... it depends...
Mary-Kate and Anorexia:	leave the damn girl alone
Lindsay Lohan (18) and her 23-year-old boyfriend:	leave the damn girl alone
Young Marriages:	when your ready
Young Parents:	when your ready
Pregnency without a Marriage:	if your strong
Telemarketers:	DIE!
Pop Quizzes:	... I've got a number two pencil... anyone need one?
This Survey:	... ummm intresting
Label Your Friends!
Loudest:	Nikki
Quietest:	Anastasia
Nicest:	Katilyn
Person who doesn't think before they speak:	Katherine
Outspoken:	Alyssa
Annoying:	Nikki
Popular or has best chance of becoming popular:	Katie I.
Best Dressed:	Brianna
Worst Dressed:	Alyssa
Sweetest:	Meg
Giving:	Liz
Selfish:	Sandy
Ungrateful:	Sandy
Social Butterfly:	Kristen
Will be crowned Most Likely to Succeed by their class:	Brianna
This or That
Soda/Punch	soda
Sour/Sweet	sour
Summer/Winter	winter
Christmas/Thanksgiving	christmas
Easy/Challenging	challenging
Light/Dark	dark
Sun/Moon	moon
TV/Movies	movies
Out with Friends/Out with Family	friends
Cat/Dog	cat
Penguin/Dolphin	penguin
Book/Magazine	book
Last Questions about the Survey
Did you like the survey?	ummm, sure
Would you reccomend it to a friend?	sure
Where will you put your results?	woohu... no where else to put them
Thanks for coming...	piss off
Create a Survey \| Search Surveys \| Go to bzoink!

1 observation | reflect

kiwi

:: 2005 16 February :: 7.04pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: The Happy Cd- Let's start a War

Killing
Gar, I'm slowly kiling my friends... allll of my friends. I'll do soemthing. Something I don't think is a big deal, something I would do fro anyone... adn somehow some really weird way, it hurts my friend. I don't expect it to. I've done it millions of times before.. but now. right now, it's hurting them... Why? I'm slowly killing all fo my friends.
And the scariest part, Liz is writing a story adn she loosely based a character on me... and that charecter has thiese really cool powers, but she goes all weird and way in teh furture ends up destoring all of her friends... I read this way ebfore I started hurting my friends in any signficant way... so it almost feels like this story foreshadowed what's happening now!
And the worst part is my friends are being really really great recently. They're helping me things I didn't before, helping me through things, not passing judgement... jsut sort of being a cpach, instead of teammate on the field, but on the flip side that might be why I'm killing them... because they are as active in my immediate life anymore... and in a way they're killing me. Two or so of my friends have said that they should help me find a guy... one told me she could get me drugs... others are trying to prevert me... make me talk more... not let me read... or write, blend in. Do what everyone else is doing. While most of the time it feels good... sometimes it doesn. Like when I sit back and look at what's happening.

1 observation | reflect

kiwi

:: 2005 25 January :: 8.21pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: Green Day

Randomness
I know I'm not allll that nice and that I'm not really gulliable or taken advantage of, but sometimes I feel some people know just what to say to make me do exactly what they want. Just a few nice words, or making me smile everyonce in a while and I want to do stuff for them. Then the plant an idea in my mind and I think, sure, why don't I do this for them. Do I really feel that I don't have enough friends that I need to do these things to make these people like me more? Don't I have great friends who don't require me to do things for them... aren't those the friends I should be worrying about. Some of these people aren't even people I want as friends, they just know how to manipulate me just right. How is that they can, while I have friends who ahev known me for years and can't get me to do anything I don't want to. And other friends I've known for longer and can only manipulate me into doing things I probably would ahve done anyway, jsut a bit more grudgingly if they hadn't pushed...
I'm not even that nice! There are friends I ahve who I frequently snap at... I have a very caustic presonality and these people... I just want to fall over myself doing stuff for them. I almost want to stop everything and do this one thing they want... sure it jsut helps me procrastinate... but still. I could be doing something for me! Or someone I really like as a friend (Liz comes to mind... I don't do enough for her, or Anastasia...)
I don't like being manipulated... and I'm jsut letting these people do that to me. Just letting them push those special buttons , ones I didn't even know existed until recently. Damn vanity. If I wasn't so self-concious about my drawing and writing and crafting I probably would jsut take their compliments as they are and ignore their little hints that they would like something.
I'm also too fickle, which I decided two years ago. I can change from one minute literally hating someone to wanting to do something fun with them... My feelings are easily manipulated apperently... STUPID KATIE....

Argh... but I love these stupid people, they make me happy, they make me smile... and so far none of them have made me sad, or angry. Maybe that's why I want ot do stuff for them. Because as aquintances I haven't had to share the downs, only the ups, so they help me, yet I don't help them... grrr still bad am I.

reflect

kiwi

:: 2005 1 January :: 7.08pm
:: Mood: bitchy

teen angst
I would delete that last entry, because it is rank with teen angst and cliches... but most of it's true, it's how I feel, and It's a phase I just have to live through. Damn it though.
Will i'm on the topic of damning things, also damn being female, teenaged, crying, being mad, not being able to hold back emotions when your mad, being yelled at for yelling because you can't be ignored when you yell and the person doesn't want to hear you, not being able to take being yelled at silently, and being sick, yet getting no breaks for mental insability.

1 observation | reflect

kiwi

:: 2005 1 January :: 7.03pm
:: Mood: really angry

Damn crying when your mad
I don't tell you things like you don't know you you're talking about, because you do know what you're talking about, what I'm talking about. Prefectly well. Once upon a time, you bought me this game, or watched this show with me and I was happy, I don't know about you. I at least thought you were happy too. But who am I kidding. I'm the youngest, the least important, the least intelligent, the most annoying. Obviouvsly it wasn't as important as other things. Oh you can remember so many random things about Beth. Probably a couple things about Ed, though you pretend you can't. And you seem to remember stuff about me, how long will that last? You say you're forgeting because of 'old age' I claim bull shit, and I'm right. For once.
Just because you don't care, doesn't mean you don't know.

reflect

kiwi

:: 2004 15 December :: 8.16pm
:: Music: Ramones

Underwear
WHAT DOES IT MATTER! God, my mom was going insane and telling me to get other underwear to bring somewhere, because the stuff I had MIGHT have had tiny holes. Yes tiny holes. What does it matter anyway? No one ever sees my underwear. What does my mom think I'm going to bear it all for my friends and there for I need to have hole free underwear. it's nice to know she cares soemtimes but this was too mcuh. And she wouldn't shut up at about it. She tried talking about it at dinner, in front of my father. I mean I love my father, but I don't particularlly want to talk about what underwear I packed in front of him. GOD! Why the hell does she care so much? I've packed for these types of things hundreds of times! And it's not as if I could just call and get something if I forgot it before. So it's not any different now. Actaully it is. Becuase if I need soemthing I can have Liz drive me home and get what I need. Why the hell is my mother so paranoid about me having the right stuff then?
Some times I wish she would leave me alone. Wow that sounded super teen-angsty. Let's try that again. I wish she would just... ummmm... look at the circumstances... yes much better.

reflect

kiwi	:: 2004 14 December :: 9.48pm :: Mood: annoyed :: Music: Ramones ... evil Does this work? Because so far this stupid things hasn't let me log in!! GAH! reflect

kiwi

:: 2004 4 November :: 11.55pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: White Strips

Date the world
yes, I shoudl date everyone. It's rather funny. I'll be thinking about my friendship with some random guys adn I'll jsut say to myself. I should date him. One is a frosh who I talk to alot and we can talk for quite a while and it's intresting conversation. We don't have a ton in common but enough taht we can talk about things we both understand.
The second is a sophmore. I have like tha same odd sense of humor as him, it's a ton of fun to joke around with him. And we also use large words, which is intresting and fun, because I don't ahve to worry about always coming up with synonms in case he doesn't understand (something that happens a lot with my buds) and he's jsut really cool in general, and seems like he'd be an even cooler kid as I got to know him more.
The third is someone I just find extremely attractive, who i would really like to get to know if not date. He's a junior and I've talked to him once... I really should talk to him again. I want his ass.. badly... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm soooo pretty.....
I'll do this with otehr people too. Like there is a couple of frosh I've known for like forever that I'll do that to. It's not like I never talk to them either. I talk to them alot. Hahaha one time I went off and like hid from all humanity with two of these boys. It would ahve been funny if we were late and we walked in together and we all looked tosuled. MUAHAHAHAHA.
There is actaully another sophmore I would totally go out with... but he's gay. Damn hi. But he's sooo hot. in sooo many ways! His sense of humor melds with mine delightfully with mine, he's dyed his hair, he calls me garebear... he was tickling me for a piece of bamboo... that was fun. MMMM... damn his sexuality...

So In conclusion... I shoudl date that whole world... at once...

1 observation | reflect

kiwi

:: 2004 24 September :: 7.06pm
:: Mood: sad

...
I know it's stupid... but I'm sad... because I haven't talk to rose or alyssa for sooooooo long. Some people call like a week long. What is with this! I'm really realy sad about this. Mostly because I thought rose and I were good friends. And I though Alyssa and I were good enough friends to atleast hang out everyonce in a while. It's probably allllll my fault, because I can think of a million times when i could have gone with them... but still.... it makes me very sad... I guess I'm just... a back up friend. I miss them. I sorta feel like crying... I hate emotions...

reflect

kiwi

:: 2004 18 September :: 6.58pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: Green Day

Nail biting
I hate that people think nail biting is a bad habit but not a self destructive one like cutting! It's the same type of thing, maybe on a different level, maybe closer to scratching away at skin or picking at scabs. But I mean come on nail biting it really bad! Sometimes it eve makes you bleed, adn they're that long for a reason, to protect the skin under your nails. So what is with society thinking that if you bite your nails you are ok but if you scratch away the top few layers of your not coping well or you're punishing yourself. Maybe that's what nail biters are doing! Sure cutting is dangerous because of infection and all that and nail biting is 'safer' but it's still self estructive. Why does everything think it's better than other self destructive tendencies. And people will proably never notice as anything more than a bad habit. I wonder if cutting will ever become jsut another 'bad habit' It's an interesting thing to think about.
Just another case of society being wrong, like always. They suck... whoever they are.

reflect