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2004 19 September :: 9.22 pm
God!
Whhyyyyyyyy?
*laughs out of frustration*
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2004 12 September :: 4.12 pm
:: Music: Bright Eyes - Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh
I was watching stand up on comedy central and this guy said somethig that sparked my attention. I didn't think it was funny, I thought it was logical..
He talked about how humans are the only creatures aware of their death, so something like heaven and a God had to be created so we wouldn't all be afraid to die. So humans would just look at it as another life. When really we just die.
I don't know .. I've always looked at it as if we'd just die, and that'd be it.
But I talk about religion far too much, so I'll end this.
2 Broken hearts |
Crush me |
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2004 5 September :: 10.19 am
:: Music: The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Alone Tonight
Survey.. all the cool kids were doing it.
Read more..
5 Broken hearts |
Crush me |
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2004 2 September :: 2.58 pm
:: Music: Saves the Day
Fuck you.
I hate being like this.
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2004 29 August :: 8.23 pm
Not to sound like a depressed fuck or anything, but..
This all hurts far too much.
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2004 29 August :: 6.32 pm
:: Music: The Cure - Last Dance [*]
I won't ever forget the sound of your voice.
"I don't deserve that."
I know.
You deserve so much more.
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2004 28 August :: 11.12 am
:: Music: Rilo Kiley - Spectacular Views
"It was an unrealistic night. Like being high or intoxicated, but we didn't drink or smoke at all."
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2004 28 August :: 11.08 am
"Stacy is so tough acting, but we both know she's not. That's not an insult."
True.
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2004 25 August :: 1.44 pm
:: Music: The Smashing Pumpkins - Galapogos
I'd have to say walking in the cemetary at night, alone, has been one of the best moments in my life.
I'd love to live in a graveyard. A house right in the middle, surrounded by grave stones.
Yesterday, I was talking about how I want to die. I'd want to die in a cemetary and have someone find me there. Dead.
You may think it's strange, but death fascinates me.
I love photoshop..
Read more..
Man.. I'm a twisted fuck. *grins
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2004 24 August :: 12.20 pm
:: Music: Kill Hannah - Boys and Girls
I feel this great, great pressure coming down on me. It's just constantly coming down on me. Crushing me.
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2004 21 August :: 3.17 pm
You're weak, but not giving in.
And you'll fight it, you'll go out fighting all of them.
Rilo Kiley - A Better Son/Daughter
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2004 20 August :: 8.56 pm
I made a list to prove to someone that I was a bad person.
I didn't realize how much I haven't been thinking until now.
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2004 20 August :: 8.21 pm
And it didn't mean anything to you.
As if I wasn't messed up enough.
I blame myself.
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2004 19 August :: 1.18 pm
There's one thing I can do nothing about.
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2004 13 August :: 12.17 am
:: Music: Rilo Kiley
Ignore it.. ignore me.
Love through fingertips.
It's a feeling.
Sleep well..
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2004 9 August :: 2.43 pm
:: Music: Azure Ray
Back home.
Once again, the feeling of independence..
I drove to the store with my grandma. I'd like to say she's not much of a back seat driver, but she is. She doesn't do it in an annoying way, more of a helpful way of letting me learn everything. She refers to me as a "lead foot." I'd have to disagree however. Anyway.. back to the point. I drove to the store, shut the car off, got what I needed, paid for it, got back in the car, started it up, and drove home. My grandma was with me, but it still felt nice.
I'm getting little tastes of what I want most. A few more years is all I have.. *slightly smiles*
Crush me |
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2004 8 August :: 7.44 pm
:: Music: The Cure - Pictures of You
Rip my heart out yourself.
I feel so.. independent here.
It's like my own apartment. The Cure is soflty playing in the background, I made my own dinner, it's the loud city noise that keeps me so alive. I'm being as patient as I can with this piece of shit computer.
I drove here, speeding. Getting lectured, and laughing each time.
And it all seems fine.
It's like a taste of how it feels to be alone. This apartment is so full, yet seems so empty. I think the distance gets to me though. I like being in Cedar, just because most of my friends are 5 minutes away. Here they are all at least a half hour away. I guess it's kind of comforting in a way.
I can already tell tonight is a night of inspiration.
[Downloading msn messenger as we speak, this computer may not even support it].
Crush me |
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2004 3 August :: 7.28 am
I want to cry. My entire journal is gone. I shouldn't care so much, but I spent hours spilling every inch of what I have into each word. All my honesty, hate, love, everything. Writing is what makes me remember, makes me feel. And it's all gone. I won't get it back, and I won't ever find the words. Ah well, complaining won't make the words return.
Crush me |
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2004 2 August :: 7.46 am
I hugged him, then sat in the car.
Lisa and I sat there for a few minutes, while she was doing something.
He opened the door and said, "Kiss me" so I did.
It was funny, because I rested my hand on the side of his face, (like a prepared kiss) even though I didn't know he was even going to do it. I guess it's instinct.
It was nice.
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2004 28 July :: 4.05 pm
I'm letting everything go. I think I need to take a break from writing. It only makes me think.
I want to go back to that happy go lucky person. Last night was exactly where I want to be. Too hyper to even care. About anything. Everyone could hate me and I don't think it could have brought me down.
So I'm going to do whatever I can to be that person again. Because who I am now isn't working for me, at all.
4 Broken hearts |
Crush me |
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2004 27 July :: 11.18 pm
:: Music: Taking Back Sunday - Number Five With a Bullet
*sighs*
I just.. don't know anymore.
Crush me |
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2004 27 July :: 4.19 pm
I guess I don't understand.
Crush me |
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2004 27 July :: 7.35 am
:: Music: Radiohead - Packt Like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box
Girls really do change people.
1 Broken heart |
Crush me |
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2004 25 July :: 8.59 pm
Part of a song..
And they loved with devotion beyond what I understand.
But fear has a way of making sleep unbearable.
And the days seem cold and long.
But we'll cry and we dance.
And we stumble into love.
In awkward, perfect grace.
The moon is gone and the sun has took its place.
The moon is gone and the sun has took its place.
Bright Eyes - A Celebration Upon Completion
Crush me |
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2004 25 July :: 4.35 pm
A line from a book...
The world is evil. Wolves hunt the stragglers in a group of deer. Vultures devour the fallen. Hyenas destroy the weak. Humans kill that which they fear. Survive and be strong, or die, cornered by your prey, trembling because the night is dark.
- In the Forests of the Night, By: Amelia Atwater-Rhodes
Crush me |
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2004 20 July :: 7.36 am
This is how it's always been
But if nothing has changed..
Then it must mean..
But the sun is cold - the sky is wrong
The stars are black - the night is gone
The world is still - the space is stopped
The time is out - the day is dropped
The house is dark - the room is scarred
The boy is stiff - the bed is hard
The blood is thick - the head is burst
The taste is dry - the kiss is thirst
And it's not the same you
It's not the same you
No it never was like this
It's not the same you
-The Cure / Labyrinth
Crush me |
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2004 19 July :: 8.04 pm
:: Music: The Smiths
Almost everything turns into a joke.
Crush me |
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2004 18 July :: 11.23 am
:: Music: The Cure
Remember more than you like to forget.
I looked at the speedometer. I don't think he even realized how fast we was going. 90 or so at night, with his eyes straining. And the lights just lighting enough of the road. He looked at the speedometer and turned off the dash lights, so he couldn't see the speed.
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2004 18 July :: 11.21 am
:: Music: Taking Back Sunday - This Photograph Is Proof (I Know You Know)
First mistake:
Her not leaving the first time she got hit.
Makes me entirely sad.
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2004 16 July :: 7.26 am
The alarm clock's going off, but you're not waking up.
This isn't happening.
This isn't happening.
It is.
Crush me |
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