KinkyRose1212
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2006 19 April :: 12.32am
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: System of a Down- Toxicity
This is the part where I kill myself...
I would be eternally grateful to anyone out there willing to put an axe through my head. This vacation has sucked massive balls thus far. First of all, Natasha blew me off AGAIN, which REALLY pisses me off, and then today I found something out that kind of makes me want to kill myself. I had the STRONGEST feeling that we were going to be together, and I still kind of do, but what the fuck? I don't even know if I feel like writing about it. I think I am giving up on love. Obviously, Natasha and I are broken up, and if my piece of shit " boyfriend " ever answers my fucking calls, I'm going to dump his ass. I heard a line in some song today that said " I'd rather be lonely than happy with somebody else. " Or something like that. That's pretty much how I feel. Aww! My kitty is playing! He's SO cute! But anyway, yeah. I went for a walk today, and I thought I was going to collapse. Damn. But I'm going into Salem with Lisa and Julie on Thursday, so at least there is SOME light in this dark tunnel that is my April vacation. Meh. If there was school this week, I wouldn't be there. Cunts.
Burned Out
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KinkyRose1212
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2006 10 April :: 8.17pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: James-Laid
I actually got requests for updates!!!
Well, I suppose I should start with Friday, because Denae wanted an update about that. Well, she, Vega, and I went to Mrs. Collins room for part of the morning, and then we went to Dunkin' Donuts. After that, Denae wanted to go to Annie's Book Swap, so we did, and I got a couple books. Then Johnny V wanted to go to the Mall, so we did. And THEN, we went back to school so Denae and I could get our electronic babies. They were turned o Saturday morning, and I had SO much fun with it! On Sunday, Julie and I took the baby to Wal-Mart to look at baby clothes, but we had to walk away, because we were getting emotional. But it was very fun. Now we both want one! A real one. And I'm fucking grounded this week during ovulation period because I didn't go to school today. Oh well. There's always next month!
2 Candles |
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KinkyRose1212
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2006 3 April :: 8.08pm
:: Mood: aggravated and depressed
People sucking
I hate people a lot right now. In general. I'm just done with dealing with everyone's bullshit. I refuse to believe that I'm a shit person, because I'm not. But if people want to convince themselves of that, then whatever. Anyhow, I've been trying to call my boyfriend all weekend, but he's not expected home tonight, and that adds to everything else that's making me want to kill myself right now. I'll just have to write him another letter. My mother appears to be going crazy again. Fun. I cut on Saturday. That was neat. Whatever. And no one had better comment about how I should fix my own fucking life and how to feel better and all that bullshit, because I don't want to hear it, and chances are, I don't want to talk to the people who would be saying it, anyway. Whatever. Leaving now.
Burned Out
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KinkyRose1212
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2006 3 March :: 8.07pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: James-Laid
Human affection, or the lack thereof
As I was driving home from dropping Natasha off, I all of a sudden got ridiculously lonely and depressed. I was going to sleep over there tonight, but her mom said no because they are taking stuff out of storage this weekend. I tried to call Lisa, even though she probably won't want to get together, anyway, but the line was busy. I've been reading over my printed out on line journal from 2003. I only now just came to the part when my journal was found, but a page is missing, and it's important, so I've not started reading that section yet. Anyhow, the reading the journal might be part of what's depressing me because it was from tenth grade, which was a really shitty year for me, but if it's influencing me at all, it's only in the slightest way. I'm so depressed that I feel physically sick. So now Lisa's grandmother is probably going to pass on this weekend, and that just... sucks. I don't know. What I need is some human affection. But there's no one to get it from, no one to cuddle with, and no one to talk to. I signed on AIM hoping to talk to Bri, and I would have even talking to Matt Berte if he was there, but they are the only two people on line right now, and they are both away. I'm going to try and call Lisa again, and if she's not around, maybe I'll call Jess; I haven't talked to her in a while.
Burned Out
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2006 23 February :: 7.43pm
New journal. It won't be hard to find me;;
Leave me a comment, and add me as a friend. But only if you will actually comment once in a while, please?
12 Candles |
Burned Out
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2006 17 February :: 5.42pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Sarah Beth- Rascal Flatts
Yesterday we had a 1/2 day of school. I came home around 11:30am and helped my mom clean our house. Then I got a shower and went to Amy's. She was having a get together with just a few close friends for her birthday, which is on Monday. So Kristen, Randi, Jena, Amy and I had a pretty good time.
Today was senior skip day, so I stayed home from school, and I had the best day that I've had in a while. I had a long talk with someone, that was very much needed. It was nice.
Randi, Jena, & I might go out tonight. Maybe bowling or something. We're not too sure yet. Tomorrow I have Bridal Shower to go to, and I'm not too excited about that. I'll update some other time.
I love you.
Becky.
7 Candles |
Burned Out
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2006 9 February :: 6.46pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Tonight I Wanna Cry- Keith Urban
I really don't ever feel updating anymore. I'm hardly ever on the computer, I always have an away message up on aim, and that's it.
So I guess alot has been going on. Numerous amounts of homework both in school and the class that I'm taking for the dual enrollment program. People that I were friends with before are no longer my friends, "friends" talking shit behind my back, and of course, the biggest thing-- me getting pissed off at everything and everyone. I don't even care anymore though. I just really don't care. I have my boyfriend, and that's all that I need.
The other night I was going to go shopping with Kristen & Randi, but that fell through. Then I was going to go shopping with Amy, but that fell through too. Then Jena and I were supposed to go but she wasn't able to get a car. So Sam asked me to go to Rite Aid tonight, and I went, and picked up a few things, then I went home. I was only out for about 45 minutes- big deal? Not really. Jena just called me though, and asked me to go to Rite Aid, but since I already went, I really don't feel like it. Not to mention, my mom hates when I go places. She says that I run to much. I disagree, but whatever. Her house, her rules I guess.
Becky.
1 Candle |
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2006 2 February :: 5.36am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: I Wish You Were Here- Incubus
It's February 2nd already. Valentine's Day is coming up. It will be a year since my grandmother passed away; and I miss her like crazy. Nobody has any clue how much I miss her, and think about her. It's been 4 months since my grandfather passed away. [Different sides of the family. Dad's mom; but Mom's dad.] I miss him too. It's awkward without them being here.
Anyways, on a brighter note. There is one good thing about Valentine's Day. Actually having a boyfriend. But I have no clue what to get him. I'm on a budget of like $40-50. What a cheap girlfriend.
EDIT--[5:10pm]
We got report cards today. I have six A's and one B. Not too bad; atleast I made the honor roll. I got the B in Accounting, which kept me from making high honors. Blah.
I don't have much to update about, but I was bored; and just felt like saying something. I guess I'll go work on my homework for Medical Terminology. It takes forever to do.
Becky.
1 Candle |
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2006 31 January :: 5.57pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Freaky- Juelz Santana
I guess you could say that today was pretty eventful. I've fought with Amy pretty much all day. I won't go into details. And no, I don't feel bad for fighting with her. She brought it all upon herself.
Randi, Jena, Kristen, & I always talk; and when we're telling stories or whatever, it comes to the point where we've caught Amy in a lie. It would be fine if it happened like once a month, but no, it's EVERYDAY. We are all fed up with her drama and lies.
Not to mention, Amy and I started fighting once I found out she's talking to my [older] brother. She's calling him, text messaging him, and talking to him on aol. It really bothers me. Maybe I'm taking it a little bit out of hand, but in my eyes, she's MY friend, not his. Do you think I'm overreacting? Honestly? I don't think so, but Amy does.
Becky.
2 Candles |
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2006 29 January :: 12.47pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Believe- Brooks & Dunn
I've been sick all week and haven't felt like updating. I missed a day of school because I woke up with a really sore throat; not to mention I didn't have a voice that morning either. I still don't feel good, but I'm getting better. My ears hurt the worst though.
Today I went with my parents over to my grandma's house and made her breakfast again. Just as we do every weekend. Which is good considering she lives by herself. She needs the company.
School tomorrow; and class tomorrow night.
I love you.
Becky.
3 Candles |
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xxinterrupted
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2006 27 January :: 12.00am
:: Mood: happy
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY
TO ME!
kbye.
6 Candles |
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2006 24 January :: 5.32am
:: Mood: tired
I started the medical terminology class at CCAC last night. I really liked it. It will be a lot of work; but nothing I can't handle. Last night we actually completed 3 chapters. I'm not used to that pace quite yet, but I'm still hanging on. We were also told that we have a test every week on the material we learned the week before. The class is from 6pm until 9:10pm every Monday.
I just wanted to update really quick. I need to go take a shower so I can get ready for school. Comment me.
Becky.
6 Candles |
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2006 22 January :: 7.18pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: Wish You Were Here- Pink Floyd
This weekend was pretty much amazing. =]
Friday I came home from school and took a much needed nap. I woke up; and read for a while. After that I went out for the night with the best guy in the entire world. <333
On Saturday, I went to my grandmother's house with my parents, and we cooked her breakfast. I came home and then left again. After I got home, I cleaned my room and did some of my homework.
Today I was just laying around all day. I was waiting for 3pm to roll around so that I can watch the Steeler game. Which by the way was great. Steelers beat the Broncos; 34-17 and we're on our way to Detroit for the Superbowl. I'm not sure who we're playing yet; that game is still going on. It's probably going to be Seattle. I'm not too worried about it. The Steelers are going strong.
I love you.
Becky.
2 Candles |
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2006 21 January :: 4.21pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Sarah McLachlan- Angel
When the broken hearts are mended and the many tears are dried, you learn. When you're over the old boyfriends and girlfriends and you realize you can live without your first love, you learn. You see that the world doesn't end just because you think it will, and that sometimes growing up means letting go. You learn what real love is, and you begin to see that one friend who really cares about you is better than a hundred friends who don't. You learn that you can be strong. Take each day step-by-step, and survive every sad moment. So feel the pain and cry the tears, go out and experience life. But when you're at the end of your rope, and you're ready to jump off that ledge, remember that heartache fades, pain subsides, and though life seems at times too tough to handle, it's also too precious a gift to waste. So keep living. Never give up, and remember: You Learn.
Becky.
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2006 19 January :: 12.21pm
:: Mood: pissed off
Ahh, I don't know why I haven't updated. Haven't felt like it I guess. Anyway, Amy and I went to the mall last night. After that we went to Wal*Mart and then went somewhere to get something to eat.
Today has been a really bad day since I woke up. Not to mention, Kristen and I are fighting again. We were sitting at lunch today; and she said:
Kristen- "Becky, I've been meaning to ask you something. What did Sam say about Randi & I being friends again?"
Me- "She didn't say anything."
Kristen- "You're lying."
Okay, so that's when I flipped and cussed her out. First of all, nobody will ever sit there and call me a liar to my face and not expect to get a bad response out of me. I'm not a liar, and I don't appreciate someone calling me one. Second of all, Sam really didn't say anything because she doesn't care. A lot of people are really self conscience, and think everyone talks about them. But actually, they are worthless and nobody could give a rat's ass about them.
Becky.
5 Candles |
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2006 11 January :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: My Best Friend- Tim McGraw
I haven't felt like updating. Actually, I haven't had anything to update about. School is school. Family is family. Friends are friends. That's pretty much it.
I came home from school today and my mom, my brother and I went to a few places, and then we went to the mall. I wanted a new pair of shoes. So I got a really cute pair of Pink & White Etnies for $45.
The part of this song is perfect;
You're more than a lover. There could never be another. To make me feel the way you do. And oh, we just get closer. I fall in love all over, everytime I look at you. And I don't know where I'd be. Without you here with me. Life with you makes perfect sense. You're my best friend.
Becky.
3 Candles |
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