<center>Lucidity

:: 2009 21 June :: 8.47pm

I sometimes wish responsibility didn't exist.

:: 2009 6 June :: 8.19pm

Even though we all drifted apart, we're still connected.
Connected through this place, it brought us together and tore us apart and brought us together again.

Funny how that works.

:: 2009 20 May :: 4.49pm

Why are we still here?

:: 2009 7 May :: 9.57pm

Baby I've been here before,
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
but love is not a victory march
it's a cold
and it's a broken

hallelujah.

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the lord of song
with nothing on my tongue

but hallelujah.

1 Read | Write

:: 2009 16 April :: 2.28pm

I thought it was going to end better than this.

2 Read | Write

:: 2009 1 April :: 10.18pm

I remember that beach. Dinner on the porch, everyone dressed well. The heat lamps and laughter and the unity of awe over the sunset on the water. The feel, the vibrancy, the laughter, and closeness in the air.

Like the square, with the fountains and all the prayer.

It's everything this cold, empty, loneliness isn't.

I guess I know how much it meant to me. Such a small thing, but now that it's gone, I feel like I've lost the whole world.

I love you, man. Never doubt that. And I'm on your side, when it does come to sides. And really, so is he, even if that doesn't mean a thing to you.

Still my friend...but not the same. It changes nothing, but everything's different.

I don't get it either, I just wish things were the way they were. I wish we were eating dinner on that beach. I wish we were in that square, arms locked. I pray that tonight, as I sleep, those memories will pass through my mind a hundred times. I love those memories.

I have regrets. I can't deny that. I've treated you like shit, and I turned a shoulder when you needed me the most. I see that now. But I never turned my back, and it couldn't have been that way forever. Things move on, people grow up, and maybe that's what this is all about. Or maybe it's about being young.

I know how this will end, I guess. One of two ways, and either is fine because it's your choice. But I'm a liar and a false friend if I tell you I'm not scared.

My God,
You know it's true; I am so scared.

:: 2009 23 March :: 6.15pm

I think I'm finally beginning to understand...

:: 2009 22 January :: 10.38pm

Sometimes I'm made of clay, and sometimes steel. I'm either waiting for the hands to mold me, create me, and put me through fire or I'm cold and still, isolated. I know I should always be clay, but I always want to be steel. Nonetheless, sometimes I'm made of clay, and sometimes steel.

I just want to know if there's such thing as a should.

I feel like there is, in the deepest corners of my soul. But my brain tells me other wise.

I can't help but feel that my brain tells me wrong. I can't be both steel and clay, but I have to.

I want to. I want to be that nobody that is everything and knows everyone, but is still nobody.

That's the kind of person I want to be.

But I'm not.

1 Read | Write

:: 2008 12 December :: 11.08am

I found my computer, I aced my History final, all my grades are being submitted today, I'm going to eat pho in two hours.

But I still don't know if I'm accepted to Whitworth for (potentially) six more hours. I might shit myself.

1 Read | Write