To be, or not to be,--that is the question:-- Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them?--To die,--to sleep,-- No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to,--'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To die,--to sleep;-- To sleep! perchance to dream:--ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long life; For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely, The pangs of despis'd love, the law's delay, The insolence of office, and the spurns That patient merit of the unworthy takes, When he himself might his quietus make With a bare bodkin? who would these fardels bear, To grunt and sweat under a weary life, But that the dread of something after death,-- The undiscover'd country, from whose bourn No traveller returns,--puzzles the will, And makes us rather bear those ills we have Than fly to others that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all; And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought; And enterprises of great pith and moment, With this regard, their currents turn awry, And lose the name of action.--Soft you now! The fair Ophelia!--Nymph, in thy orisons Be all my sins remember'd."

 

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:: 2003 21 March :: 1.54 pm

Shaun's goddamn rock solid ghetto shiznit name is Ass Machine Kawfi.
What's yours?
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Jake's goddamn rock solid ghetto shiznit name is Wankmaster Dawg.
What's yours?
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Dan's goddamn rock solid ghetto shiznit name is Ass Machine Shizzlemah.
What's yours?
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:: 2003 21 March :: 1.53 pm

PJ's goddamn rock solid ghetto shiznit name is Wack Jones.
What's yours?
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:: 2003 21 March :: 1.51 pm

My goddamn rock solid ghetto shiznit name is Doctor Shizzlemah.
What's yours?
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Kiel's goddamn rock solid ghetto shiznit name is Fellatio Weed.
What's yours?
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:: 2003 19 March :: 12.12 pm
:: Mood: listless

In recollection of previous events, I've realized that those whom I've worried about couldn't care less about me. A "friend" ( I use the term loosly) of mine discovered that she was pregnant a while ago. I gave her my best wishes. Then she was stricken with a torn placenta and internal bleeding, and very nearly lost the baby and her life. I worried for weeks about her and her family, wondering when I was going to be called to a funeral. Then, just this past weekend, I was informed that she had had her baby, a girl. That really PISSED ME OFF! The least anyone could have done was tell me. Another friend of mine recently moved to Arizona, and I found out that she had married another of my friends...without talking to me, as she promised she would. I've decided that it's not worth it to care about people.

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:: 2003 6 March :: 9.45 am
:: Music: ICP - Helalujah

Look at me,
I'm not the devil
I can take you
To my level
Above the rocks
Above the earth
Tell me what your soul is worth
How much money do you make?
How much will you let me take?
I will give you tranquility
Just send your welfare checks to me
Life is going to expire
And your soul will burn in fire
You will perish in the thunder
Unless you call my hotline number
God has asked you to make me rich
My and my fat rat God-hatin' bitch
On your tv's late at night
Send me those check and
I'll guide you to the light

Oh, you call me
And then stop by
Then I tell you you're gonna die
Unless you buy my holy water
Check, cash, or a money order
This is true
Don't question me
I'll even send you shit for free
It's only ten bucks for the call
And I'll send a prayer
No charge at all
Put your lips up to the screen
Close your eyelids and intervene
Your lips to mine, now send the cash
And while you're there, you can kiss my ass
Take your paycheck and send me half
And I'll send you God's autograph
I'll get you Allahs and Buhddas too
Even Zeus I don't give a fuck who
Just send me that money

Pass the collection plate
Show me how you heal
Pass the collection plate
Give my deliverance
Pass the collection plate
Show me how you heal
Pass the colection plate
Show me how you heal

Your total's twenty-two eleven
For your set of keys to Heaven
Make the checks out in my name
Me or God, it's all the same
Bring your crippled ass to me
Pay the usher the holy fee
I'll bless your legs and bless your chair
Then wheel your bitchass out of here
Now a special ceremony
This one don't cost any money
Drip a drop of blessed water
Now I fertilize your daughter
Even though I fucked a hooker
Took your baby girl and shook her
You still buy everything I sell
And I'm livin' well
See you in Hell

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:: 2003 6 March :: 9.43 am
:: Music: ICP - Behind the Paint

Remember me, Bitch? Eighth Grade
Old Park, skinny assed welfare raised
Ustler and Bruce brothers we was the shit
Dungeons and Dragons and Bruce Lee flicks
Quit school, nobody missed us
Nobody hugged and kissed us only dissed us
And now look at these beautiful model types
High class women takin' my dick in 'em
You don't remember my kind in class
The wigged out freaks starin' at your ass
Never had the courage to even say hi
Only smelled you perfume vapors when you walked by
I'm the scrub that never crossed your mind
Now you're flashing your titties at me, waitin' in line
And that's fine, while you're workin' your tongue
Look beneath the paint, bitch
It's the scrubs who won...

Look at me, look at me, analyze what you see
Look at me, look at me, analyze what you see

Used to say 'Ah ha, look at him!
The same pair of pants and the shirt again.'
An outcast, I knew I had to do somethin'
Figure out a way to make somethin' outa nothin'
Open up shop, now what you need?
Speakers, clothes, CD's, a bag of weed
But that shit got me no where, except jail
Me and all my homies too broke to make the bail
So now we're right back to the place that we started
Chuckles and laughs, the second we turn our backs
Asked out, but we was like FUCK Y'ALL!
We got each other at the drop of a homie call
Look at us now, bitch, hold my platinum
Fall on my dick, but I'm the same as back then
Forget the money and fame, because
Beneath the paint, life's just like it always was

Look at me, look at me, analyze what you see
Look at me, look at me, analyze what you see

Look at me, analyze what you see
Look at me, analyze what you see

Another girl, I don't dare to confide,
Playin' that role, it hurts inside,
Here I am, thinkin' she wants me
She only wants that killer on her CD
Just when I couldn't feel any worse
Bitch asked me to fuckin' paint my face first
The day I finally get to leave this land,
Behind the Paint will be the shell of a used up man...

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:: 2003 5 March :: 11.22 am

Scott is going to Europe!!! Yay!!! Some time in June, I get to visit London, Paris, Rome, Pompeii, The Lourve, The castle of Versaillies, and two airplanes. Who's happy for the Fatman?

1 Said Yes | Wish to be Enlightened?

:: 2003 27 February :: 11.46 am

Ladies and Gentlemen, all is right in the world. Why, you ask? Why is the Fatman happy? The answer is simple...




The Fatman got some pie.

1 Said Yes | Wish to be Enlightened?

:: 2003 25 February :: 9.16 am

You know, life really blows. I thought that I was going to have a week off between closing "The Clouds", and "Once Upon a Mattress", but apparantly I don't. Yeah, my free time: none. I think I need some pie...

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:: 2003 21 February :: 9.46 am

I've lived one hell of a life,
If you're to take it tonight,
I've lived the life of a king,
But so much to darken my life.
Looking 360 degrees
200,000 disease
How can I lay back and chill?
So many down on their knees...
But then again, who am I?
I'm just your typical guy,
I ain't no fuckin' hero
I just been wondering why...

I see the children
Crossing the bridge
What kind of life did
They get to live?
What kind of toys do
The get to be?
What if it was
A child's mistake...

I never questioned the book,
But let's say I lived by the book,
I never ate meat on Tuesday
How much bigger do my wings look?
I try to pray everyday
But sometimes get lost on the way
I seen the Holy Spirit
So much to mislead the way
I gave the visions I got
I've been told I'm gonna rot
Inside the Devil's intestines
I'm still here, holding my spot

2 Said Yes | Wish to be Enlightened?

:: 2003 19 February :: 9.15 am

Maybe I like bloody murder music
You know, shit like stab your fuckin' eye
Maybe I like eatin' shit like Tylenol PM's
Cause 5 or 6 can get you high
Maybe I like punchin people I don't even know
I knock em flat up fuckin out
Tuch some money in thier jacket with a note That simply reads I had to let some anger out
Maybe I only hang out with weirdos,
and hoodlums, and junkies,
I keep em by my side
Maybe mama doesn't understand
a friend is hard to come by,
so I'll keep what I can find
Maybe I got two felonies
Tattoos on my neck, and I always paint my face
Can I still date your daughter
I may not think I aughta,
I like the way she tassssssssste

AIN"T YO BIDNESS/ How I act/
AIN"T YO BIDNESS/ Don't get slapped!/
AIN"T YO CONCERN/ WHAT WE DO/
LESS YOU WANT YO/ Face slapped too

AIN"T YO BIDNESS/ How I act/
AIN"T YO BIDNESS/ Don't get slapped!/
AIN"T YO CONCERN/ WHAT WE DO/
LESS YOU WANT YO/ Face slapped too

Maybe I don't even like you,
But I gotta front cause
you're a record lable guy
What if I dragged you by the hair,
Beat your ass and put a boot up in your eye?
Maybe I would rather fuck a Missy Elliot
before a Toni "Braxton"
Maybe I would rather fuck a Macy Grey
Before a Janet "Jackson"
Maybe I don't have no self esteem
So I have to pick on everybody else
Maybe when I was a boy,
Underneath my shirt I had bruises and welts
Maybe I was hungry, bottom barrel poor
And My ma was always sick
Maybe I'm lying
I'm just tryna fina an excuse
To be a dick
Maybe I'm upset that you left me
I hang myself right above your bed
From the ceiling fan,
so I'll be swingin' when you walk in
I might kick you in the head
Maybe I've got 7 therapists, I been committed,
But my manager got me free
18 pills a day, I get so dizzy and high,
I can't even see.

AIN"T YO BIDNESS/ How I act/
AIN"T YO BIDNESS/ Don't get slapped!/
AIN"T YO CONCERN/ WHAT WE DO/
LESS YOU WANT YO/ Face slapped too

AIN"T YO BIDNESS/ How I act/
AIN"T YO BIDNESS/ Don't get slapped!/
AIN"T YO CONCERN/ WHAT WE DO/
LESS YOU WANT YO/ Face slapped too

Wish to be Enlightened?

:: 2003 30 January :: 12.06 pm
:: Mood: contemplative

You know... I have noticed that recently the only person who seems even slightly interested in what I have to say is Justin, and this is not for you, cause you've been a good friend when it comes to advice. No, this isn't for Justin, but for anyone and everyone else who reads my journal: I put my thoughts here as questions that could use some advice. Now, there are a couple of you who I know read my journal, and I read your's as well, and I comment when you need help. I am asking for the same help, if not for the actual help, then for the knowledge that I am not in a world of people who operate off of the same mind. The stereotypical "cool person" is just an image that people put on, like a costume. That needs to come off! "Imitation is suicide". Has anyone ever heard this quote before. It was written in an essay by Emerson, called "Self Reliance". All of you who are followers need to read that essay, and take into account what is held within those words.

2 Said Yes | Wish to be Enlightened?

:: 2003 27 January :: 9.13 am
:: Mood: depressed

I wonder how many people could deal with what I go through on a normal basis. To lay it all out, A close friend left for Arizona today, and won't be coming back; another friend, well, I guess you could call her my first love is pregnant, and she is bleeding internally from a torn placenta. If it completely tears, she dies as the baby dies. If they remove the baby by C-section, she goes into cardiac arrest and dies. And to top it all off, I have three shows that I'm working on, I need to come up with just under $2000 by the end of march, I need to make $100 for school play, and I need to start going to rehearsals for "The Clouds" so I can memorize the cues. Yeah, I've got problems right now...
Oh well, these problems are somewhat alleviated by the fact that I may be going out with one of two people. One of my friends approached me this weekend and said that one of her friends, who has never met me, wants to go out with me. Now, I don't think that is gonna happen anytime soon, but the other person is my friend Liss, who ended up falling asleep in my arms twice this weekend. Anybody have comments? They would be read, if not appreciated.

1 Said Yes | Wish to be Enlightened?

:: 2003 22 January :: 11.37 am






I am a POET

I know that rhyming isnt everything, and I use my talent to explore my mind's deepest and often the most eccentric corners, instead of focusing on the bad like so many angsty teenagers. Oh, and girls (as well as femmy guys) really go for my poetry...

Wish to be Enlightened?

:: 2003 20 January :: 6.19 pm

Okay, I'm gonna lay it all out on the line here...who wants to go out with the Fatman?

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