<- I could watch this for hours...

4 Said Yes | Wish to be Enlightened?

:: 2005 4 November :: 3.27pm

why must boys be so complicated and needy?

:: 2005 31 October :: 9.50pm
:: Music: Eagle Eye Cherry--Save tonight

the new nymphette
this is just what the doctor ordered... two teaspoons of sex and one shot of rum, x2 and you get immediate gratification.

call me in the morning.
kisses xoxox

:: 2005 30 October :: 5.34pm

most amuzing thing i have seen in a long time... my room mates best friend from school dressed up as richard simons for halloween. it was hillarious.

:: 2005 30 October :: 5.15pm
:: Music: Brad Paisley ft. Allison Krause--- Whiskey Lullaby

The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby

:: 2005 30 October :: 3.16pm

i started to think that i should apologise to everyone who reads any of my god forsaken journals, but then i realized that if i can't change my life why should i apologize for something that i already knew sucked. and so i just go and look at other people's entries and then realize how much happier everyone else looks. and also how much more beautiful so many other girls are.
if only for one night, he could love me again...

:: 2005 29 October :: 6.29pm

so here it is me not knowing what the fuck is wrong with me again. do you think it is possible for a person to have something permanently wrong with them, that nothing can be done about it?

well, so i guess i am just depressed agian. i really don't know anymore. it's like a permanent emptiness. i feel like nobody wants me around, i don't even know what to do with myself anymore. i haven't actually slept all week. it's like i just want to drink to feel numb, but even drinking doesn't knock out the pain. and then everyone is gone this weekend. they have either gone home or they have gone to madison, or chicago. because apparently that's where the party is at. and even though everyone can tell you where they are going off to, nobody asks you to go with them. i have come to the ultimate conclusion that something is definitley wrong with me. it can't be everyone else because they are all able to go out and be happy. i really just want to fucking cry my eyes out. i feel like i am in this big black hole with no way out.

i just really wish i could stop hurting. why doesn't anyone want me around you know? i mean, it feels like mike wants me to go far far away and rot, the whole problem is i can't imagine my life without him. i seriously just wish i could be with him for the rest of my life.

i am so irritable right now. i just yelled at kelly for no reason. i was in this half sleep today and i felt like i was drowning. and at that moment it was like i could see my heart or my soul or something and all that there was was an incredibly empty room with thimbles, a teddy bear and a tube of lipstick. what the fuck is that supposed to mean? everything was just kind of floating. like i was in the bottom of the ocean. i really just want to be in someone's arms. i need to feel needed.

2 Said Yes | Wish to be Enlightened?

:: 2005 28 October :: 4.34pm

Well I found out today that i might get moved to third shift soon. that's both good and bad. I still have to keep day care b/c then after I get out of work I go and pick up Kyra from my mom's and drop her off at daycare so I can get some sleep.
Kyra is really sick again she just finished her meds on monday and today she's really really sick. she has no voice at all and won't even eat. I'm gonna try and get her to the doc as soon as I can but I don't have the co-pay so it may be a few days before she gets in.=(
love to all
Kat
write more later

jburt1

:: 2005 28 October :: 2.46am

It's funny how one thing can change everything. Or how someone will say something in front of you that changes what you know.

It's the roommate situation. I'm living with Keith, my friend from last year. Things are great. Yeah, there are things he does that irritate me, but I'm sure there are things I do that irritate him as well. But we get along. And those are just trivial things.

Since we started living together, though, we haven't been as great of friends. At least that's what it seems like because we both kind of do our own thing most of the time.

He's become better friends with his roommate from last year, though. To be frank, the kid rubs me the wrong way. I don't know why that is, but it just is. Tonight I was playing uno with him, his girlfriend, and her roommate. He made a comment about where he was living next year, saying that he was going to live somewhere whether or not keith lived in the same building. I'm not sure what he meant by that, but I didn't ask.

I'd like to live with keith next year, especially if we can get an apartment...with an actual kitchen, living room, and separate bedroom. But I don't know if keith is making other plans to live with his former roommate or what. I don't know how to bring it up, either. He made a comment last week asking where I thought I'd live next year...kind of sounded like he already had plans.

I was considering being an RA next year because you get free room and board and then I'd basically be paying nothing, but I decided I don't want to take that avenue because I think it will distance me further from some of my friends, including keith. Plus, I want the responsibility of living in an apartment, paying rent and cooking food.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess because it's on my mind. And I don't have anyone here to tell it to.

I will say this, however. The one thing I learned is that you can't make decisions based upon other people. You have to make your own decisions for what is beneficial to you. One reason I didn't go to Rome this year was because I based that decision on other people, on friends. But now that I'm here, instead of Rome, things aren't the same anyways. All my friends are doing their own thing.

I really liked freshmen year, okay?

"If it all ended tonight...back to the good ol' days, before it won." Random song lyrics.

:: 2005 26 October :: 1.09pm

do you ever just like walk around kind of in a daze like sitting there thinking of all the fabulous romantic things that could happen at any given moment.
i was walking back to my room and all i can do is like hope that some guy will just like walk up to me and kiss me and say, everything is going to be alright. or have someone who really likes you and you really like them to just like come up and push you against a wall and start kissing you passionatley and fondling you... ect. i mean, maybe i am just a hopeless romantic, maybe i just need to get some. but idk, i really wish something romantic would happen to me.

:: 2005 25 October :: 1.34pm

for the sake of all things holy, that was too easy
Marla
You are Marla Singer. You appear to be a cold
person deadend to the outside world who can
take care of themself, But on the inside your
just like everyone else. You seem to be a jerk
on the outside, not caring about others. But
you really do care about others you just show
it a little differently. It's hard for you to
express ideas and thoughts making conversations
short. Something has happend to make you the
way you are. probally some act of cruel
society. You try to be nice but are afriad to
get to close to anyone. You want to be noticed
for who you are and not who others see you as.
You are the voice of reason. And allthough it
doesn't seem like it other people listen to you
and respect you. but sometimes you can be a bit
melodramatic.

Which Fight Club main character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

:: 2005 24 October :: 3.16pm

why does this hurt so much? i feel more alone now than ever. damnit. it kills to know i just missed you, a dollar short and a day late. fuck.

:: 2005 23 October :: 7.24pm

Well not a lot is going on in my part of the world. Work is finally picking back up. Fall finally started hitting today, it hit 54 today and just two days ago it was in the high 80s wow what a change!! Brandon is working again so hopefully we can get our bills in order. Kyra is getting better in day care she no longer screams when I drop her off, that's a great thing! It's alot easier to get threw my day knowing she's not crying all day. she's trying real hard to walk on her own but not quite there yet. Her birthday is only a little ways a way. I can't believe she's already 1 time sure has flown by. what happened to my little baby girl who slept most the time!! lol any way it's time for me to go to bed. love to all
Kat

Who Were You In a Past Life?

:: 2005 21 October :: 5.48pm

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Famous Dancer.

Where You Lived: India.

How You Died: Hung for treason.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

:: 2005 21 October :: 5.47pm

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.