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My loveletter to nobody..

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acidtears

:: 2010 30 January :: 5.20pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Blue Foundation

I'll seek you out,
Flay you alive
One more word and you won't survive
And I'm not scared of your stolen power
I see right through you any hour

I won't soothe your pain
I won't ease your strain
You'll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for you to gain

I'm taking it slow
Feeding my flame
Shuffling the cards of your game
And just in time
In the right place
Suddenly I will play my ace

I won't soothe your pain
I won't ease your strain
You'll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for you to gain

Eyes on fire
Your spine is ablaze
Felling any foe with my gaze

And just in time
In the right place
Steadily emerging with grace

Felling any foe with my gaze
Steadily emerging with grace
Felling any foe with my gaze
Steadily emerging with grace

hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..


acidtears

:: 2010 21 January :: 11.36pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Johnny Cash.

Cocaine Blues.
Early one mornin' while makin' the rounds
I took a shot of cocaine and I shot my woman down
I went right home and I went to bed I stuck that lovin' 44 beneath my head

Got up next mornin' and I grabbed that gun took a shot of cocaine and away I run
Made a good run but I run too slow they overtook me down in Juarez Mexico

Late in the hot joints takin' the pills in walked the sheriff from Jericho Hill
He said Willy Lee your name is not Jack Brown
You're the dirty hack that shot your woman down
Said yes oh yes my name is Willy Lee if you've got the warrant just aread it to me
Shot her down because she made me slow
I thought I was her daddy but she had five more

When I was arrested I was dressed in black
They put me on a train and they took me back
Had no friend for to go my bail they slapped my dried up carcass in that country jail

Early next mornin' bout a half past nine I spied the sheriff coming down the line
Talked and he coughed as he cleared his throat
He said come on you dirty heck into that district court
Into the courtroom my trial began where I was handled by twelve honest men
Just before the jury started out I saw the little judge commence to look about

In about five minutes in walked the man holding the verdict in his right hand
The verdict read in the first degree I hollered Lordy Lordy have a mercy on me

The judge he smiled as he picked up his pin 99 years in the Folsom pen
99 years underneath that ground I can't forget the day I shot that bad bitch down
Come on you've gotta listen unto me lay off that whiskey and let that cocaine be

hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..


xjayk

:: 2010 18 January :: 1.19pm

Well it seems this is my first post of not just the year but as a married woman. Wow. Its so strange to say. Married. Wife. Thad's bitch fo' Life. Its still so uncomfortable to say but it doesn't feel any different. We still get into arguments, we still do the same things everyday, but I have noticed Thads become a bit more deffensive over me, about freakin time. It scares me at times the whole forever thing. But it only freaks me out when I fixate on it.
I feel better now though. It feels like Thad and I are doing things right for once, not just in the eyes of society but in the eyes of our God. I know it may sound a little preachy but it feels good. Really its an undescribably feeling but it just feels like everythings okay. No remorse, or paranoia. Its all good.

We're moving into our first house on the first of Feb. Its soo exciting! An actual house where Thaddeus and I can just roam. Its not big by any means but its perfect for the two of us and Klieo. We moved in our Sofa, chair, and rug. It already looks like a home. The first cannot come soon enough. I'll be an aunt, moved into a quaint little house, doing a photoshoot. Things are going to be great, but I'm soo impacient and even though its only two weeks away I want it now! If we wanted to we could have moved in earlier but Thaddeus doesnt want to move in yet. Which in my opinion is lame. Thad's been living in my dads basement for two years! Its time for him and I to get out! I'm nervous because there has been soo many broken promises about houses and whatnot, getting a house, an apartment, a duplex, he's milked living off of my dad and now its time my dad just kicked him out so he has to live on his own. Dad doesn't have the heart to kick anyone out but he has said that he couldn't wait until we moved out so he can save money. Wow, rambling... but I have alot on my mind.

I think I'm a Klieo whisperer

hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..


acidtears

:: 2010 6 January :: 5.16pm
:: Mood: contemplative

Ultrasound results.
Well, my Doctor called me today and told me what they found on my ultrasound. As I figured, cysts, they keep appearing, then bursting, appearing, then bursting, etc. It's getting ridiculous. And because I'm still feeling some pain, she said I need to be monitored, cyst-wise. So, I'm making an appointment and talking to her about a possibility. I'll let you guys know what's going on.

4 sighs | hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..


acidtears

:: 2010 6 January :: 7.08am
:: Mood: cranky

Early.
Well, it's early, and I didn't sleep very well last night. I slept in the recliner. Talk about uncomfortable. But my plan for today is to call my doctor's office, check out the results of my ultrasound, and make another appointment. I am so happy to have this routine back. Doug back to work, Kids back to school. No one here to bother me, yell, scream, fight, whine, or nag. So, that's good. Luckily my pain level has gone down a bit, I can now stand up straight. I'm not all hunched over like some old woman. Still can't lift anything heavy, or stretch. I miss stretching in the morning, it's nice. But it hurts too much, so I don't dare do it. But most of the pain is now in my left side, and its the exact same pain I get everytime a new cyst appears, or bursts, or both at the same time. Ugh. But I better go wake Ava up for school. Bye.
-Samm

hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..


acidtears

:: 2010 3 January :: 8.36pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: "Say(All I need)" By: One Republic

djfsmgnsdjkfgjsilagk!
I love you facebook, but if you don't stop being a bitch, you're gonna die.

1 sigh | hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..


acidtears

:: 2009 22 December :: 7.56am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: "Sometime around midnight" By: The Airborne Toxic Event

And it starts...
Sometime around midnight
Or at least that's when
You lose yourself
For a minute or two

As you stand...
Under the barlights
And the band plays some song
About forgetting yourself for a while
And the piano's this melancholy soundtrack
To her smile
And that white dress she's wearing
You haven't seen her
For a while

But you know...
That she's watching
She's laughing, she's turning
She's holding her tonic like a cross
The room suddenly spinning
She walks up and asks how you are
So you can smell her perfume
You can see her lying naked in your arms

And so there's a change...
In your emotions
And all of these memories come rushing
Like feral waves to your mind
Of the curl of your bodies
Like two perfect circles entwined
And you feel hopeless, and homeless
And lost in the haze
Of the wine

And she leaves...
With someone you don't know
But she makes sure you saw her
She looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
Your blood boiling
Your stomach in ropes
And when your friends say what is it
You look like you've seen a ghost

And you walk...
Under the streetlights
And you're too drunk to notice
That everyone is staring at you
And you so care what you look like
The world is falling
Around you

You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her

And you know that she'll break you
In two

hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..


acidtears

:: 2009 18 December :: 10.09am
:: Mood: calm

Yeah!
We finally have our internet turned back on, and a new number and all that comes with it. So, that's good. Today though, not much internet time, I have lots of cleaning to get done. People from Amway who adopted our family for Chrsitmas are coming over to drop off food and christmas presents. So this house has to be spotless. Better go get started. Bye.

hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..


xjayk

:: 2009 25 November :: 2.02pm

I'm getting a whole new look here on Saterday. Hopefully I forgot to check the scheduale. I hope someone could cover for me at least for a little bit just so I can get my hair done.

I have no idea how long this will take.

I'm going platnium blonde with purple streaks throughout.
Its different.
And needed.

I think we all need change.

Everyone, at this moment.

I have been wishy washy, doing things I dont want to do (like everyone else) working, seeing friends when I can, taking care of Cleo, and trying to spend time with Thaddeus, even though its a rarity anymore.
I've watched my friends go through the scariest, greatist, most cherished, most feared time of their lives, and I along with them every step. For everything I dreampt about and everything I thought I wanted is now just a confusing blob. And I've noticed this year has almost been like a foreward to change. Where we're all lost, confused, vexed, and determined, and not at the same time. Maybe what we all need is to make that jump. That one big stride instead of baby steps. Instead of sitting here in Holland hating where I live, my situation, I should just get up and actually do something rather than going through the motions waiting and hoping something will happen. Maybe I should move, find a job, start completely over with a whole new identity. (not in that order)

I'm pretty sure the coming year can go one of two ways. First is that this whole year of confusion was not in vain and things will begin to make sense and begin to work in a clearer order. Or two this year was but a prelude to the struggles of next year and we'll be tested like never before. But be better for it in the end.

I personally hope it'll be the first one. I need a break. :D

Next year will be a whole new experience for me, I'll be married, moving, trying new things, and meeting new people. Maybe I'll actually find what I love and find a way to translate that into a career.

Maybe Hillary will find peace and realize she's been working hard and its actually not in vain. Hopefully she'll see that her work ethic, her mind, and even her indesisiveness is actually a blessing that's going to send her to where she really belongs. Trying new things to figure out where she's supposed to be. I hope she gets a moment every now and then to stop and look into the mirror and see the woman she's become over the passed two years. And realize that she's further along than most people in their 30's. Working two jobs at times three, knowing what matters to her and realizing when time gets crazy she takes things in stride and moves on. There's so much more but I dont want to ramble.

I have high hopes for this year. But moreso for myself and the ones I love. I dont want us to wait for good things to come anymore. I want us to move towards what we want and not settle.

...so that's how I feel at the moment. . . . How are you guys.

1 sigh | hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..


xjayk

:: 2009 22 November :: 11.49pm

I MIGHT BE GETTING ANOTHER SPHYNX!!!!!





We shall name him Ace, if he doesn't already have a name, and he shall be Cleo's new playmate!

Hopefully this goes through. I'll be going this weekend if everything works out right!

hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..

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