I'm SOOO TIRED!
I haven't updated because I haven't had time
I've been working so much lately, but the pay checks are nice
Core groups and fall retreat leadership team both started
that group on Monday night started
and more more more work
I haven't even had time to write Eric
my ankles hurt
I swear there's something wrong with the left one because I normally limp on it and lately, it's been getting much worse, like stinging pain when I take pressure off of it and/or put pressure on it or if I turn on it funny and sometimes when I step on it, I have to buckle because it hurts
now, if I try and tell a doctor this, they don't believe me, what am I supposed to do about that?
oh well, no sense in complaining about it, I guess I'll just have to wait until it breaks and then be like "HA! I told you something was wrong!"
~*~

I think I'm doing Fall Retreat Leadership Team!
I haven't even asked my parents yet! Oops!! GAH! I feel like, WHAT?!? I signed up yesterday and the first meeting is the fifteenth of September so apparently, I'm in it because I got an e-mail talking to Fall Retreat Leaders
I need two theme ideas and I've never really thought about it, so this is going to be hard.
GAH!!!!
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it's a subject now
There are days:
-when I love boys. I was thinking about when Scott, Nathan, Eric, and Timmy made this huge deal out of Mel's birthday on Project Serve. It just shows me that there are awesome Christian guys out there who are willing to go way out of their way to make a girl feel special. Yay for sweet boys.
-when I wish I had a bigger chest. Yes, this is completely shallow but I'm just sad sometimes looking into the mirror and not filling my clothes properly because there is nothing there to fill them out with. Take, for instance, today: I was trying on the dress I want to wear to homecoming (if Scott asks me, that is), and I was just sad. It's a strapless dress and it stays up, not a problem, but I don't really like how it's so flat in the front. I might just have to wait until I get pregnant, so I suppose I'll be waiting for about ten years.
-I wonder what's wrong with me that guys aren't attracted to me. Again, yes, I'm aware that this is shallow. I suppose it's just me being stupid because I should wait and it's really not a big deal but I just feel so un-attractive so much. It's not cool. Oh well, hopefully this weekend will be good.
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don't you all love my mood?
I had two quizzes today and it's the first friday of the school year, this is going to be really interesting
I'm going to be a "SuperFan!" tonight, oh man *rolls eyes* we all know that's not me at all but I'm just going to go and have fun and be with friends so we'll see how that turns out
worked last night by myself for the first time and it was interesting because I had to double-seat people because of how many people came in at once and who had open tables
Andy, the cute one, commented to me on it and called me "sweetpea" : )
he's so adorable

So my day really sucked. It was the first day of school so that’s no fun anyways but it was worse than normal. I’ve got study hall first period and there was another class with friends of mine but we are supposed to sit on opposite sides of the cafeteria so I spent a better part of the period sitting by myself waiting for the class to be over. Spanish is going to suck too because the majority of it is morons or ditzes, neither of whom actually understand Spanish and I don’t know why they’re in fourth year. I had hoped all the morons and ditzes wouldn’t go on to fourth year, unfortunately they did and all of them are in my class. Surprisingly, health wasn’t bad because Allie and Kristin are in my class and Mr. Eaton seems okay. I have math with Mrs. Blanco so there’s no hope for that class. Mrs. Johnson hates us already. Government wasn’t too bad, there’s just going to be a lot of homework. English was okay but at the end of the period, I found out that the group of people I hung out with a couple of times are doing something after school and they talked about it right in front of me. I just hate myself when it comes to friends. Am I just too annoying or something? Should I really be crying over something as stupid as this? It’s so hard for me to make friends in the first place. It’s just been ruining my afternoon and I already got mad at my mom and annoyed with my dad. I really want to live alone. I like that Simon and Garfunkel song at times like these: I Am A Rock. I just feel so alone and empty and deserted right now and it really hurts. This is so stupid! Why am I crying over this? I shouldn’t expect them to tell me when they hang out because it’s not like I’m part of the group or anything. I’m not really that important either. I should have known something like this was going to happen. I mean, people have tendencies not to invite me to things that they’re doing. I just really like these people. I don’t want to invite myself, though, because I feel like I’m intruding on their group vibe, even though Mel says I’m not. I really don’t believe her. She’s a nice person and would say that even if it weren’t true. I really feel like everything’s out of my control and it’s such a stupid thing to be worried about. I mean, its just friends. Who needs them, right? They’re just there to help you through things, make you laugh, hang out with you, and make you feel better when you’re sad. Who needs social interaction anyways? There are days that I wonder if I disappeared, would anyone notice? This year is going to be really hard. How many days until summer vacation?
~*~