home | profile | guestbook


...

recent entries | past entries


tuwang

:: 2011 6 January :: 9.12am

back then they didnt want me, now Im hot they all up on me.

I wish it were easier to make apostrophes on this keyboard.

Bitches need to learn to take a joke, especially when the implied meaning isnt inately evil by any means.

my three thoughts for today.

Akemashite Omedetougozaimasu.

2 BEEPs | Comment


phil-himself

:: 2010 24 December :: 8.05pm

Downtown Browntown

Comment


phil-himself

:: 2010 21 December :: 7.33am

USA #1

2 BEEPs | Comment


phil-himself

:: 2010 15 December :: 10.26pm

If this deal goes through I will be a member of the land owning community.

Comment


m&ms487

:: 2010 11 December :: 10.56pm

I graduated from college today.

Comment


this-acoustic-love

:: 2010 11 December :: 9.17pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Josh Groban



3 BEEPs | Comment


phil-himself

:: 2010 8 December :: 7.25am

Your music is bad and you should feel bad.

Comment


m&ms487

:: 2010 5 December :: 8.49am

I turned 23 years old yesterday. It's hard to imagine that I've had this journal for about a decade. Almost more than half of my life.

I didn't really do anything 'special' for my birthday. It's the weekend before finals and I'm entrenched in some tough paper and exam writing--but I know that I'll get through it. I just keep chugging along and crossing things off my list and eventually it will be Saturday.

Oh yeah. I graduate from college on Saturday. I'm going to walk across the stage and everything. I'm graduating Magna Cum Laude (I think, whatever the second best one is). I get to wear a big metal, but not as big as the highest honors people get to wear.

Last week was a week of lasts: last undergraduate classes, last Kappa Kappa Psi meeting as an active Brother, my last band concert at CMU, last week of being 22 years old. I thought I was going to be a mess, but I'm actually quite zen about it. I will miss it, but I have the feeling it's just time for me to go--to move on, to do other things.

I will be a graduate student in January and I think being a graduate student is going to be easier than the last few years of undergraduate work. I'm only taking 6 credits, and they are both literature seminars. I'm waiting to take more until I get full funding at a graduate assistant. That is, if I'm still at CMU.

I'm almost done with my application for the joint PhD program (English and Women's Studies) at the University of Michigan. I'm scared to move away, scared that this could be a real possibility, but at the same time, it feels so good that I've come this far. They only accept 3 people per year, and that would mean that I would beat out out over 100 other applicants, most probably with Masters degrees already. We'll have to see. It would mean that Rueben and I would be apart for a semester, so that would be tough, but fuck, it's a PhD program with complete funding.

Exciting, exciting things happening. I can't wait until Christmas break when I can sit around in my owl pajamas and eat bon bons (well, okay, popcorn).

Comment


phil-himself

:: 2010 4 December :: 12.44am

We manufacture synthetic reasonings to justify our existence.

I don't need something else to validate why I'm here.

3 BEEPs | Comment


phil-himself

:: 2010 28 November :: 11.07pm

Missed a stop sign and crashed my truck, this blows.

10 BEEPs | Comment


tuwang

:: 2010 22 November :: 5.09pm

this is the point in time where I usually pack it in and say fuck it.

but fuck that.... not this time bitches.

the question is is it really worth the effort its going to take? and on top of that, the amount of emotional energy its going to consume?

I really dont understand the situation at all, but clearly somethings going to have to give.

its so easy to give up when its two ways, but its so difficult to capitulate when its one sided.... why is that? I dont really have anything to prove, and theoretically speaking, Im sitting pretty otherwise. Its like Im 18 again... I dont like me at 18...

1 BEEP | Comment


phil-himself

:: 2010 28 October :: 9.27pm

Shoot
I could use a steak and a good beer right about now.

3 BEEPs | Comment


m&ms487

:: 2010 1 October :: 9.38pm

I took the GRE today. The testing center is in the basement of one of the old dormitories at Central. It was weird. And dark.

I earned a 550 on the verbal section and a 480 on the quantitative section. I'm going to take it again in a year if I don't get admitted to University of Michigan's joint PhD program in English and Women's Studies.

1 BEEP | Comment


m&ms487

:: 2010 21 August :: 11.10pm
:: Mood: calm

It's the end of the week, but only the beginning of the end. This is the Saturday before I start my last semester as an undergraduate college student. This was also the first week that I have been on educational leave from The Company since my freshman year of college.

I spent the entire week devoted to volunteering at CMU's band camp: meal set up, instrument sorting, wind suit dissemination, water cooler wrangling, to name a few of the tasks. Tonight, I and several of my Brothers went to see Jeff Daniels perform a concert in the streets of downtown Mt. Pleasant as volunteers for the Red Cross. They were raising money specifically for their infant pantry and I was able to collect the largest single donation: a $100 check.

Standing in the middle of the barricaded road with my Red Cross Volunteer Vest made me think about what I am doing. I intend to apply for a joint PhD program in English and Women's Studies at the University of Michigan this fall (for fall 2011 admittance). I want this degree because I think it will allow me to have a job in the eventual downfall of the University English Department; but the real reason I want it is so that I can understand. I want to KNOW. I want to examine those socio-economic hetero-patriarchal hegemonic power structures so that I KNOW how to turn them in on themselves. I want to expose them and say "AHA! I've got you now!" I want to understand why things happen the way they do so that I can make others understand. I want them to be empowered so they have a chance to make a choice for themselves; to be able to have some semblance of freedom (I know there are several hundred theorists which would, at this point, as if freedom is even possible; Janis Joplin would tell me it happens when there's nothing left to lose).

But, at this point in time, an academic has just so much hold. There is so much to do and not every woman (or man that cares about these power structures-yes, men can be feminists, too) is going to be going through a university class which others like me will teach. What to do? Why aren't there more of us helping organizations like the infant's pantry? Why didn't I know that the Women's Shelter probably needed volunteers? That's how I can start to make a difference.

I was thinking this as I stood there under the street light as the sun began to go down and about one hundred people crowded around the small stage to meet Jeff Daniels. I stood there, holding my donation bucket, smiling as everyone walked past me, guiltily looking away because they did not want or could not afford a donation. I didn't donate any money simply because I don't have any to give; but I have my time. I gave my time and my thoughts and stood there, smiling, hoping that at least each person walking by thought about what it might be like to be a woman or a man going into that pantry, how he or she got there, and why.

Why?

Comment


phil-himself

:: 2010 20 August :: 9.13pm

Workin for the Man
New Exchange Administrator right here

5 BEEPs | Comment


phil-himself

:: 2010 3 August :: 7.25am

Power Slave (iron Maiden)

Tell me why I had to be a Powerslave
I don't wanna die, I'm a God,
Why can't I live on?
When the Life Giver dies,
All around is laid waste,
And in my last hour,
I'm a Slave to the Power of Death.

Comment


fishyrere

:: 2010 2 August :: 11.39am

I'm getting married in 5 days.


:)

1 BEEP | Comment


wraith6699

:: 2010 31 July :: 7.45pm

Happy Lunghnasadh
Hello again Woohu. Life for me has been hell for the past month. I feel like I've been broken down into my base elements with only myself to look to for re assemblage. It hasn't killed me yet at least. The good news is that I've become a better person because of it. Here's to new beginnings, and the growth that we've seen in the past year. Happy first harvest festival.

1 BEEP | Comment


phil-himself

:: 2010 18 July :: 2.11am

gettin drunk and yellin at my dog, classic

4 BEEPs | Comment


m&ms487

:: 2010 16 July :: 12.33am

I went to the Roethke House tonight in Saginaw with my graduate literary criticism class. I was so sad to see the state that one of Michigan's best poet's house is in. The Friends of Theordore Roethke (a non-profit) have tried to refurbish and renovate it, but he's not as well known as he should be and the money just isn't there...yet. I'm trying to get some of my Kappa Kappa Psi Brothers together to do a day renovation. It looks like it's a favorable idea. I hope that it helps!

Comment


phil-himself

:: 2010 6 July :: 10.00pm

Kinda want a mullet mobile, don't have money for it right now.

4 BEEPs | Comment


m&ms487

:: 2010 1 July :: 3.19pm

Today is the second day of my graduate class. I really like this class and I am one of four undergraduates, the others are teachers and a graduate students in creative writing.

I'm role playing Longinus tonight and I am prepared and ready to go! He is all about the sublimity of poetry and literature.

Working out is going great and I feel like a totally different person!

Comment


m&ms487

:: 2010 25 June :: 9.24am
:: Mood: mellow

Summer Session one is done! I earned an A in biology 240 and it put my gpa up .01 to 3.77. Whateve. I start English 535 in a week and a half, but the prof already has us started with stuff. I have three days off next week and I'm sure that I'll be in the library for a while.

It's so weird to think that one year from now I could possibly be somewhere other than Michigan training for Teach for America, or I could be entering my second semester as a graduate student. Weird. Weird.

It's nice having some semblence of a day off. I don't work until six tonight, so I'm going to get up, eat, do some tae bo, bake some cookies, and just hang out with Rueben until I have to leave.

I think it might be summer now.

Comment


m&ms487

:: 2010 15 June :: 9.37am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Train- "If It's Love"

I finally finished the first draft of my writing sample for graduate school. It's titled _Sister, Where Art Thou?_ and is a combination of feminist criticism, feminist theory, and historical christian texts. Basically, it investigates the question of why there are so few women writers and why, when women writers do first prominently appear in literary circles in the nineteenth century, they were faced with the fracturing of their "womanly" personality and their "authorial" personality. The great thing about it is that I'm sure I can expand on it and perhaps it might be a direction for my eventual thesis.

I purchased a tae-bo dvd yesterday with the intention of attempting it this morning. I've managed to stay at the same weight since my surgery and even bought a new bathing suit yesterday-a size 12. It's definitely odd to eat, be full, and not feel like I'm going to puke. I find myself being a lot less crazy about food and it's definitely a MUCH healthier relationship. I eat what I want, when I want-but I don't eat if I'm not hungry, and I still can't eat that much because of my stomach size. I'm okay with that, though. I can eat a hotdog (with bun) or almost all of fajita size taco in one sitting. It's wonderful!

I'm editing a novel for pay this week. It's going well, and is probably something I would consider doing freelance during graduate school if I can find the work.


A Year Passes

Beyond the porcelain fence of the pleasure garden,
I hear the frogs in the blue-green ricefields;
But the sword-shaped moon
Has cut my heart in two.
-Amy Lowell, March 1917

Comment


phil-himself

:: 2010 12 June :: 3.42am

Who you are can be better.

Comment

Woohu.com | Random Journal