When I look at her pictures I try to imagine how it would be like if I was with her now in India. From everything she told me... she thinks its happening again all the same. I hope it's not cause from what she told me it's all bad. Sometimes I think "would she be better off if she didn't meet me"... Makes sense doesn't it? I mean... now in India she just misses me and feels miserable. And even that she does know me, I can't do anything bout it. Why can't I be God. God must be a cruel tiran to let all this happen to us. And maybe just that thought about him will get me in hell. Well I don't care, he can send me to hell for all I care. I mean if God really is such an ass like he is and wants everyone to worship him I'm like fuck it. I care more bout Gaby then care bout any God. Sorry God but that's just the way it is, but hey look on the bright side, didn't you create her? And if your almighty you can look in the future aswell so you should have seen it coming. Kinda stupid.

Hmmm I dont know what to write anymore, everyday is the same feelings and the same daily crap. I'm trapped in society. You know that place where you get born, you go to school, you graduate, you get a job, you marry, get kids and die? Some people say "life is all about fun"... how the hell can they say that. Are they even aware they have a soul? Why waste your life on having fun. I mean... it's such a waste of time. I wanna do something with my life, something that can make a difference, something that will make people think bout their lives aswell so that also they will start to do something with their lives. I wanna make a difference in the world. But most of all I need Gaby for that, I need her to be with me, else I can never do that...IF I can even do it. Like it's ever gonna work.

I miss you, I love you, I'm dead.

She's gone to india now.....I said bye to her in the early morning....its gonna be a hard hard time from now on for at least 2 years. We'll face it and fight as hard as we need to. If she needs me I'll be there for her. If she wants me to come see her I will. She said she would do her best...just so she could be with me once again. I will do my best aswell. I wont let any chance slip away ever again which will make me get closer to her. I'll give her the peace she wanted... but time has to pass and we need to pay for it. But its gonna happen. Life is a bitch....but when things go bad they always go better again aswell. I'll be waiting for that one day that she will meet me at the airport and she will never have to leave ever again...... I miss you already Gaby. Your a fighter and you can achieve everything, I know you can. I love you for that. I love you for everything you are.