:: 2006 18 January :: 9.15 am
:: Music: Soil - Redefine

O RLY?

:: 2006 17 January :: 11.07 pm

You know what would be nice for once, that someone would like me for who I am, and not the way I look. That they arn't scared of me. That they hate me for the way I look or like me for the way I look. That they talk me for the way I look. Just someone who likes me for me. No one has to be scared of. I just look scary that's all. Don't ask me why I look the way I do cause why do you look the way you do? Exactly.

Moslty it's older ladies who think I'm scary, today at the book store they were staring at me again. This lady around 50yrs old, I stared back at her then looked the other way. She had this questioning look in her eyes, maybe even fascinated, who knows. Then this other lady at the counter, she had to be around 60, 70yrs old. She stared at me, but I didn't stare back. I didn't wanna scare her. She was either scared or disgusted by my looks...
I know I shouldn't care what other people think about me. But how can I not care when they stare at me like that?
I think Gaby likes me for who I am, not cause of the way I look. I apreciate that. And yes sure she also likes the way I look, but that's just a bonus =P we can't all be as sexy as me? Hehe nah I'm just kidding...
I love that girl.

O RLY?

:: 2006 16 January :: 12.27 am
:: Music: 40 Below Summer - Self Medicate

O RLY?

:: 2006 11 January :: 8.55 am

A few minutes ago everything was red outside just how my eyes felt...burning of tiredness from everything.

Sometimes I just wanna fall asleep at night and never wake up again. So I guess even if there isn't a God and if I'd die and end up in nothingness it wouldn't be that bad right? On the other hand if there is a God then there is also heaven and hell and if you end up in hell your pretty much fucked.

Everyone is always like "hell is cool, I hope I go to hell, hell is a party!, hell aint that bad!"....fucking morons.
Being consumed by flames licking your bodies for all eternity isnt fun you dumb fucking bastards, and don't think it won't hurt cause your dead already cause it will hurt.
I'm not one of those religious dickheads who try to get you into believing in God and all that shit. If there is hell it's not gonna be fun so don't act all tough and funny about cause it's not.

Sure I pray once in a while, but it's not like I worship God. "ooo God your the greatest, your the best"...no. If God allows all this shit to happen on earth I just cannot think of him in a way to be the greatest. He only has given me life. If I had to worship someone it would be Gaby. No offense God your an ok dude but you just don't do the things that your capable and it bugs me. And satan...well I don't like him, people you don't like you don't talk about.

OK enough theology by Dr. Freaky Freud

Im sitting here at home...its 9am now. I should be shooting some stuff for my 1 minute movie but how weird is it if I'm at the trainstation shooting a film there.... I hate it when people look at me and I just wanna hide somewhere. It doesn't scare me, it just makes me feel really uncomfortable and I don't like that. I don't wanna feel insecure or anything bleh.

To fall asleep and never wake up again.

O RLY?

:: 2006 2 January :: 12.14 am

Happy new year I guess. Never was too font of all that traditional crap. Saying Happy new year to everyone and stuff. If I'm gonna hear someone say it again to me I'll explode. No really I will. My eyeballs will blow up like hot dough in the oven. My head will grow the size of a melon, and eventually..........the inevitable!
Ugh what else is new. One more week of holiday, thats what's new. One problem though, I got 3 projects to finish.

1. 1 minute movie.
2. Putting the website together.
3. Finishing my rotoscope.

And all of this I gotta do in one week. Wow I really messed up didn't I? Well I guess if I messed up I also gotta fix it again. No one ever said it was gonna be easy anyway. BOOYA!
Oh yeah my computer is tottally clean again. I got it re-installed and added another 512mb RAM to it....you should hear my little baby purr like a kitten. Even in world of warcraft, specially in Ironforge my computer could never handle all those people so it would run down to 0.7 fps or something now it just runs around 40fps everywhere!!!! Gaming statisfaction accomplished...wo0t wo0t.
Last night there was so much fireworks damn! I didnt go outside though, just stayed inside this year. None of these things seem much fun anymore without Gaby. I don't blame her for it though. It's just life, I'll get over it.
I just sat in the attic on my moms desk watching the fireworks shoot up from above the houses and explode in so many different colors. There was smoke and noise everywhere. It was so nice to just sit there alone in the dark attic watching all that firework and hearing the noise. A new year had come and I'll make the best of it. No more time to have self-pity. If I want my life to stop sucking I need to work on it. Period.

Good nite you bitches and fuckheads! André is going to sleep.

What? No you can't come with me my in my bed damnit...unless your name is Gaby...*purrrrr*...well you know what I mean!!!! GOOD NITE!

O RLY?

:: 2005 15 December :: 3.30 pm

This or That Quiz

Agressive or Controlled?
Agressive

Sexual or Romantic?
Romantic

Laid back or Ambitious?
Laid Back

Money or Freedom?
Freedom

Love or Sex?
Love

Looks or Personality?
Personality

Inteligent or Average?
Average

Outgoing or Staying in?
Staying In

Truth or Lies?
Truth

Death or Life?
Death

Guy or Girl?
Girl

GF / BF or Friends?
GF

Literally or Mentally?
Mentally

Kiss or French kiss?
French kiss

Bath or Shower?
Bath

Smile or Cry?
Smile

Pain or Depression?
Pain

White or Black?
Black

Friends or Alone?
Alone

Drugs or Candy?
Candy

Breakfast or Lunch?
Lunch

Books or Practicals?
Practicals

Concert/Party or Movies?
Movies

Long or Short?
Short

1 YA RLY! | O RLY?

:: 2005 11 December :: 11.47 pm

Today was rather....I dont know actually. So I got up somewhere in the afternoon. I started working on my portfolio which has to be finished before wednesday. So I'm gonna finish it tomorrow, just gotta write a little bit more in my biography. Well rest of the day I didn't do much. Then there was Bianca and she told me she bought a webcam today. So we both got on webcam. She's a kewl person actually. I don't know her taste for music and I don't really care. She's not boring thats for sure, she's not a total slut either and she can be weird. I don't know, she's just fun to talk to and a nice friend if you ask me. Sammy is a good friend aswell. And well a while ago Dani came back online aswell and talked to me, she said she missed me. Yeah right. I havn't talked to her for ages. Ah well. And Angie havn't talked to her aswell for a long time but talked to her aswell a while ago. Not really the best conversation ever though, I told her I skipped school and she tells me I suck. Well duh...I already was feeling guilty bout the fact that I skipped school and then she comes and tells me that I suck cause of that. That got me pissed so I told her to go fuck herself and signed out. Pfffffffff..... I don't know whats going on lately but all the people that I seemed to talk to on MSN are coming back and I wanna talk to them again. I don't know why. I told myself that I'm gonna work hard, I'm gonna go to school everyday and get good grades. I told myself that I don't suck, I don't feel depressed and I can do all this shit. I don't know if it helped but I sure hope it does. I need to fucking do this. I promised Gaby I would help her get the life she wanted. Freedom. It's harder then I expected and I just hope I can help her. I don't really care bout myself in all this cause I know Gaby will do fine without me aswell. Aslong as I get her that far. Why do I feel so different with her then with any other girl. With every girl I feel like I wanna flirt with them, try turn them on but never really do anything.....but with Gaby I just wanna respect her, give her the feeling that she's someone. I treat her as a person and not as someone to play with. Sometimes I'd wish I could play with her like any other girl but then I know I don't deserve her anymore... that I don't treat her the way I should. Maybe I'm doing something wrong.
It would be kewl if she could tell me some stuff aswell. I don't know, like the way she feels, sinfull feelings. It's like she never does anything wrong....I mean not really wrong. I do wrong stuff....hell, I do wrong stuff. I flirt with girls over the internet, which is wrong since I love Gaby, but it's so much damn fun to play with them. Basiclly just making me a horny bastard. Not that I get into any shit. I mean come on.... I'm an asshole, if Gaby did the same shit to me I'd go nuts of jealousy. So why am I doing what I do? It's not fair to her. I need her to tell me something I can work with. Something that helps me.... something.....ugh I don't even know. Just need something from her.

2 YA RLY! | O RLY?