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2005 2 August :: 12.15 am
Watched this movie "Fantastic 4" today. It was an awesome movie. You know... I'd give up my whole life as it exists to have super powers like that. Though I'd never give up Gaby. But just imagine to have powers like that. You'd be so powerfull. I'd be no longer human, I can seperate myself from everyone else and think "YES I AM BETTER" cause those super powers just make you superior. I'd give up alot for something like that... To see that movie and to watch someone jump down a building then to burst into flames and fly away. If something like that would ever happen to me... but it won't and it never will. You know why? Cause this world is boring. The only magic we got is the magic that does jack-shit and is good for nothing. There are no exciting things in life. There is only happyness or sadness... if your not happy then your sad and the other way around. That's it. Nothing more nothing less. That's why I love movies like the one I saw today. They show the impossible that could never happen in this world... I'd wish my life was a super hero movie with me as the main character. If I could wish for one super power, it would most defenitly be flying. I don't think I'm the only one wishing for powers like this or am I? If someone reads this then let me know if you do or not... just wanna know if your out there.
You know whats funny, today in this game World of Warcraft. I acted like a total fool and people thought I was drunk. Why? I never really been drunk. I just act my same weird self and they call me drunk? It's weird. I mean... how hard can it be then to make people believe your drunk without taking any alcohol. Maybe it's not the drink. Maybe you just wanna get drunk and your body makes it happen. Nah. Bullshit theory. I know that and I don't need to hear it from someone else either. Though I'd love to get drunk, with people I can trust...so I can puke on the street, and be un-able to walk and they would help me. I'd wanna be drunk cause I wanna forget bout all the shit that is happening. I wanna be drunk cause Gaby has been drunk. I wanna be drunk cause I fucking can be. I wanna fuck myself up...
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2005 1 August :: 12.54 am
:: Music: Earshot
I'm at my dads place now... just thought that Chrissy actually paid for me to have this journal, wel least so I could keep it. But I don't like her at all anymore. What was she thinking when she paid for me? Hmm.
I feel like I'm suffocating. There is nothing to get a grip on. I'm not doing good at all even if it might seem like that. And the last thing I want is that people start worrying bout me, specially the one I love. Don't you worry bout me please. I'd just feel more bad. Physically no I'm not doing bad, but in my mind everything is so much different. My mind isn't in the right place. I shouldn't exist. I can't do anything with my life then the things people expect me to do. Is life really that simple... maybe. But I don't enjoy it at all. Should I not enjoy being alive? I wish I could take it all as a big joke eventhough it's all a really bad thing but I can't. Not anymore. I used to. When you grow up you can't take it as a big joke anymore. I don't know why. It's just so big... this whole life thing, it's big and terrifying. But I'm not scared. I just hate everything that is happening in it. Everything that shouldn't happen is happening. It feels like someone is stalking me and let all those things happen to me as if it's all a trap I'm walking into. I feel so shit. I wanna sleep forever.... least till all the bad things are over.... will you wake me with a kiss when you'll come back to me? I miss you....
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2005 27 July :: 4.06 am
Click the date
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Why would I post a picture of myself on here right? Cause even I sometimes like the way I look, eventhough its just a petrified body.
2 YA RLY! |
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2005 20 July :: 5.13 pm
2 YA RLY! |
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2005 18 July :: 10.11 pm
Sometimes you have these people who have shitty lives and they wish it was all good. And that everything was perfect... The things that happen in my life are shit... I myself dont have a life but I would never want it to be perfect... I hope my life will stay full of sorrow and pain... It's the way I want it to be. Everyone else who doesnt feel like I do...get out of my life.
Something's wrong,
Trying to conquer these fears i thought were gone.
And it's been so long, I'm dying to live in a world I dont belong
I cant wait for someone to hear me,
And wait for someone to touch me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.
I cant wait for someone to feel me,
And wait for someone to heal me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone..
On my own,
I'll show myself what it means to be alone.
And the tears i cry are washed away.
All the scars are my disguise.
I cant wait for someone to hear me,
And wait for someone to touch me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.
I cant wait for someone to feel me,
And wait for someone to heal me.
And wait forever to be told,
Im forever alone..
I'm forever alone.
I'm forever alone.
I'm forever alone.
I, I'm not waiting here this time.
I can't wait for someone to hear me.
And wait for someone to touch me
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.
I cant wait for someone to feel me
And wait for someone to heal me
And wait forever to be told
I'm forever alone.
Earshot - Wait
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2005 15 July :: 1.48 pm
If I could help it. I would be the one to end the human race. I'd set disease upon them all and watch them die slowly over the few years they had left. Poison the food and polute their water. If I could help it the human race wouldn't exist.
Don't tell me how the world works, I don't want your lies.
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2005 15 July :: 12.23 am
I really thought the people I had in my msn crap and stuff, were like good friends....well friends just people who were better then the shit I know.
But they are not....
They are just the same as those asses out their with their fake smiles. I havn't gotten on msn anymore since a looooong time. Only Sammy sended me an e-mail saying bla bla bla andre where are you havnt talked to you in a while miss you, ill e-mail you later gotta go now.
She never e-mailed me back.
Its called FORGETTING about me....she forgot about me. Thats not what friends do. The only person who really exists to me is Gaby... she would never do any of that shit. Hmpf....I dont need those fuckers on msn or from the internet..you hear me guys fuck you all. You were all just lonely asses who were searching for some attention and to get rid of your problems...well you know what....Im sick and tired of listening to peoples bullshit. So you can take all your crap and stuff it in a place where the sun doesnt shine cause Ive had enough. Yah I might be egoïstic....and I dont give a shit. FUCK YOU!
3 YA RLY! |
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