Sleepy.
I know all of my non existant readers have been just dieing to have me write another journal entry, so here we are.

Things are changing. I like the changes.


Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those wordsa it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it so hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late

This song really does remind me of our talk.

In further news, I've not eaten too much within the past week, and it's actually kind've starting to show. It's not that I'm purposely starving myself, it's just...I've got no interest in food. Everytime I eat something, I feel like I'm going to get sick. Oh well. I suppose I'll catch up on some sleep that I've lost within the past few weeks. I'm off tomorrow, so that leaves plenty of resting time.

Ich liebe dich, für immer.

That's why I've held on, and that's why I can't let go...

To you:
It's incredibly difficult for me to finally accept that there's no way you'll just be a memory. I try so hard, to forget everything I'd ever felt. It's impossible. Perhaps trying to get seems wrong but honestly, I don't know what else to do. Insanity is starting to creep up on me. Thoughts are getting so clouded... I can no longer write...I can no longer think straight...you've done it. You're the only one that possibly could... You're the one person I'd give my heart away to....and as it appears... you've gotten it. Seperated by states doesn't even fucking stop me from wishing...from loving you. Daily I listen to songs, that make missing you that much worse. I can't tell if falling for you was a mistake, or fate... Loving you is, in no way, a mistake. I'd give anything...to say this to you. Nothing can keep you away from my thoughts. I've tried everything possible. Death is always an option...but that's not one for me. I'll never give up. I just want one chance...to whisper in your ear, how I truly feel. I want one chance, where I can lay under the stars, staring into your eyes. You're beautiful eyes. I just want one chance... to hold you... Crazy dream for a teenage boy, eh? Not quite. I'll never give up... I've wanted to... but I never will. I want to be the one, you wake up to see. I honestly do not know if you feel the same...I just... need you to know...I really do love you. A simple infatuation, this is not.

Love- 'A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.'

Infatuation- 'A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.'

Similar...but not quite the same. I'm no fool. I know what I want; I know who I want.

I really do love you Carl...