'How can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you.'

:: 2004 24 January :: 7.37pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Counting Crows- Eistein On The Beach

One more sun comes sliding down the sky....one more shadow leans against the wall...
mmmm........
i am so disconnected from everything that is going on in this world..

but the funny thing is that I dont think that I mind...
i never thought that i'd say this but i think i may be at a point in my life where i prefer being by myself or with only a few select people rather than a group.

starting to really like the life i'm living....hope tonite doesnt bring that down.

also have reverted back to the "real" pen and paper-type diary for the "real" thoughts about my life right now. because i realize that there are a lot of you who dont want to hear it.

:: 2004 22 January :: 2.05pm

wowwwwwww
this is too much.

it is freezing outside. so many things to do but i would rather take a nap. i have been sweetly sleep deprived.

:: 2004 15 January :: 2.49pm

I hate it when you get put into a situation where you know you SHOULD tell someone about something but you know you can easily get away with NOT telling them and it will be a lot easier and a lot less stressful... just not the right thing to do.

:: 2004 12 January :: 7.25am
:: Mood: exhausted

I really need to start sleeping more.

It seems that there is not enough time in life for all of the things that I want to accomplish.

:: 2004 5 January :: 11.49pm
:: Mood: nauseated
:: Music: Ben Kweller- Wicked Little Town

So when you've got no other choice, you know you can follow my voice through the dark turns and noise of this wicked little town...
SO a couple people have heard about my night on Saturday so I think I'll post a short rundown.
I get back from lunch at work, and my back really hurts and I have really bad cramps. So I realize that I left my purse in my car, and I don't have my good drugs (Aleve, its what I always take for just about everything). I ask Kristen if we have any Tylenol or anything at the desk....she says we have aspirin in the drawer. Aspirin, right? Everybody takes aspirin. Well, apparently, not me, or at least, not anymore.
I took two and we were so busy, I was just trying to ignore the fact that I felt kinda weird, just figured I was stressed out and running all over the place....I finally take a break at the desk and I realize that my throat is REALLY tight. Like, I can hardly breath and definitely can't swallow. So Dan (my manager) comes up and starts talking to me, he realizes that I am not listening and asks me whats going on....I'm like...I can't.....breath...
He has Kristen walk me to the break room and I'm just chillin out back there trying to catch my breath, kinda trying to talk to Matt and then I'm like hyperventilating and I start to black out and I fall off the stool and I'm sitting on the ground. Ross walks up and he's all concerned and I still cant breath and I'm not really there at all and I kept feeling like I was blacking out.
Ross calls the store manager over and he's like, should we call an ambulance? I'm like, no, dammit, I'm fine and stubborn...but I still cant breath and he's like, I'm gonna get someone to take you to the ER...
This guy Scott drove me there, he totally drove like a madman, and they admitted me right away and had to give me a big shot of Benadryl to bring down the swelling in my throat so I could breath again, plus a handful of Prednisone to get it out of my system, I guess.
So I was really messed up from all the drugs but I could breath again, so I was a happy girl. And I went home and stopped back at work first to tell everyone that I was alive (kindof, Benadryl in large doses kinda fucks you up) and I took my car back home (probably a bad idea but whats done is done).
I've had to stay on the Prednisone for a couple days to make sure I dont react again, and the stuff is really gross, it makes me so thirsty, my tummy hurts from it, and my mouth always tastes bad but I suppose it is better than no oxygen. So that is the story about Stefanie being allergic to ASPIRIN. Of all the stupid things.

:: 2004 1 January :: 11.49pm
:: Music: Outkast- Hey Ya

Don't wanna meet your daddy....just want you in my caddy....what's cooler than being cool? ICE COLD!
this about sums up my new years eve....

My baby don't mess around
Because she loves me so
And this I know fo shooo..
Uh, But does she really wanna
But can't stand to see me
Walk ou the dooo..
Don't try to fight the feelin'
Because the thought alone is killing me right nooww..
Uh, thank god for mom and dad
For sticking two together
'Cause we don't know hooowww...
UH!

Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa..
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa..
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa..
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa..
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa..
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa..
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa..
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa..

You think you've got it
Ohh, you think you've go it
But got it just don't get it
Till' there's nothing at
AaaaaaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaaallllll..
We've been together
Ohh, we've been together
But seperate's always better when there's feelings
InvooooooOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOooooooOOOOOlved
If what they say is ("Nothing is forever")
Then what makes, Then what makes, Then what makes
Then what makes, Then what makes LOOVVEEE?
(Love exception) So why you, why you
Why you, why you, why you are we so in denial
When we know we're not happy heeeerrreeee...
Y'all don't want me here you just wanna dance

Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (Don't want to meet your daddy, OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (Just want you in my Caddy OHH OH)
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH, don't want to meet yo' mama OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (Just wan't to make you cumma OHH OH)
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (I'm, OHH OH I'm, OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (I'm just being honest OHH OH, I'm just being honest)

Hey, alright now
Alright now fellas, (YEAH!)
Now what's cooler than bein' cool?
(ICE COLD!) I can't hear ya'
I say what's cooler than bein' cool?
(ICE COLD!) whooo...
Alright, alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, Ok now ladies, (YEAH!)
And we gon' break this thing down in just a few seconds
Now don't have me break this thang down for nothin'
Now I wanna see y'all on y'all baddest behavior
Lend me suga', I am your neighbor ahh here we go!
Shake it, shake, shake it, shake it (OHH OH)
Shake it, shake it, shake, shake it, shake it, shake it (OHH OH)
Shake it, shake it like a Poloroid Picture, shake it, shake it
Shh you got to, shake it, shh shake it, shake it, got to shake it
(Shake it Suga') shake it like a Poloroid Picture

Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (Uh oh, Hey Ya)
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (Uh, uh, OHH OH)
Heeeyyy... Yaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)
Heeyy Yaaaaaaaa.. (OHH OH)

:: 2003 30 December :: 5.29pm

1) Using band names, spell out your name
S~Shins, The :)
T~Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
E~Eels
F~Failure
A~Air
N~Neko Case
I~Iron and Wine
E~Elliott Smith (R.I.P)

2) Have you ever had a song written about you? a few, none that were too pleasant...

3) What song makes you cry?
The Cult- Painted on My Heart
Billy Joel- Piano Man
Modest Mouse- Here it Comes
Grandaddy- Summer Here Kids
Counting Crows- Anna Begins

4) What song makes you happy?
Modest Mouse- Paper Thin Walls
Ben Kweller- Cally
Electric Light Orchestra- Mr. Blue Sky
The Beatles- Got to Get You Into My Life

5) What do you like to listen to before bed?
Fiona Apple

:: 2003 26 December :: 11.28pm
:: Mood: contemplative

I just came up with the mother of all new year's resolutions.

I normally don't make them, or if I do, it's as a joke (ex. kiss as many guys as possible...) but this is seriously something that will rock out.

Unfortunatly, part of the catch is that I can't tell anyone what it is that I'm doing.

:: 2003 22 December :: 11.13am
:: Mood: sleepy

Last night I had this crazy dream (I slept for like 12 hours)...I had babies, they were these beautiful twin girls. But then, they made me leave the hospital without them and I couldn't remember what hospital I had been in, so I was walking around downtown trying to find my babies. I found a newspaper birth announcement with them but couldnt find my beautiful children.

If I were to try and intepret that, I wouldnt even know where to start.

:: 2003 20 December :: 12.22am

At a loss for words.

:: 2003 19 December :: 1.04pm

In male-female conversations, the male part often consists entirely of him going ''hmmmm.'' This frustrates the woman, who wants to know what he's really thinking. In fact, what he's thinking is, literally, ``hmmmm.''

I dyed my hair. With help from mom, and Jason. It's very loud.

Also got it cut today. I think I like it, but due to low self-esteem, please give feedback.

3 FeyBebop | Edward

JediBumblebee

:: 2003 13 December :: 10.15pm

I need a sign to let me know you�re here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
�Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

I need a sign to let me know you�re here
�Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

:: 2003 13 December :: 8.54pm

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
Regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Makin' love to his tonic and gin

He says, "Son, can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger mans clothes"

Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or he'll light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be
He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me."
As the smile ran away from his face
"Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place"

Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talkin' with Davy, who's still in the navy
And probably will be for life

And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinkin' alone

Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been comin' to see
To forget about life for a while
And the piano, it sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say, "Man, what are you doin' here?"

Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright

:: 2003 11 December :: 3.08pm

Anticipated Grades for Fall 2003
MKTG 250- BA
HNRS 490- A(+!)
SOC 282- BA
CS 105- B, pushing for a BA
THEA 100- BA, pushing for an A
HNRS 399- better get an A