JediBumblebee
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2003 21 February :: 8.05pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Our Lady Peace- Annie
you've had enough....they're too unkind....but did anyone consider what annie might have in mind?
and so i realized today...
i hate my job.
like, seriously, i really hate it.
at times, it doesnt seem so bad, but thats really just a cover. i love to work, but i hate my job.
i hate the whole premise of it. customers bitch at me for things that are not my fault. they make stupid rules and then when you try to follow them, they are almost impossible to stick to. i never get out on time. i hurt my back almost every day that i work because they make me lift heavy shit. i waste almost every weekend of my life there. it requires no skill, and hardly a brain. some of my co-workers are incredibly annoying. my manager constantly accuses me of stealing or breaking major rules, even though i've worked there for like two years, and if i was planning on ripping them off, wouldn't i have done it by now? i cut up my hands, get splinters, and get totally dirty. my feet hurt from standing all day.
to the hundreds of people that i try to make happy every single day that i'm there, i'm hardly noticed. i'm just a tool. a living machine.
i'm reminded of a quote i read in an AIM profile:
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
Probably from some movie or something that i never saw, whatever, it gets my point across- i know that i'm bitching about a common complaint, but this is my issue for today.
and i missed the sun. i was at work before it was all the way up, and it was down before i got out. fuck that shit.
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 20 February :: 2.28pm
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: Poe- Hey Pretty
You've got to follow me, boy...I'm trying to show you where I'm at...
today is a day of craziness.
starting last night. getting eliz a birthday present, and an interesting fight/conversation with Jason.
slept in today. took a really long shower and relaxed.
then morning started off awfully energetically.
sun is out. i walked to class without a jacket.
got to social psych and sat in the front row. actually spoke with the professor (he likes me now that I had the nerve to stand up to him and tell him that I thought Chicago was a good movie). Found out that I got a 91 on my test. Which was fabulous.
Not only that, but I review my answers and realize he added wrong by ten points. So I have a 102%, which brings me to an A or BA average in the class right now.
rode the bus home. pulled the stop request cord thingy.
ate lunch (yucky lunch...) with a friend from class, who just moved in to eldridge.
its my last day of class for the week.
i have a midshift at work tommorrow...10:30-7. and then i dont have to work for another week.
the sun is out.
i have a cool boyfriend.
my mom mailed me chocolate.
i'm passing all my classes.
i'm going home for a bit this weekend.
another week until spring break.
i love life!
2 FeyBebop |
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 18 February :: 8.13pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: The Thermals- Brace and Break
Stuff your sentences into your boring diary....stuff you senses into the back of your jeans...
So I work for the campus radio station now...WIDR 89.1 FM Kalamazoo... I've been doing CD reviews and finding some totally sweet shit... The Raveonettes, The Blam, and The Thermals to mention a few that I've been reviewing.
check these lyrics:
"you only want the one
that leaves you shaking
you only want the one
that makes you crazy
it's been so long
i forgot how to say it
it's been so long
i forgot i was waiting."
"tell me if this hurts
if you've heard this
tell me if it hurts
is it worth it?
we can go to hell
if you can teach me
i finally found my voice
and i'm speechless."
"you can choke
or you can focus
i wanna forget."
"i may be out of it
but i'm still into you
i'm born dead
i'm born again
i can feel the ache
and i can feel it breaking."
Imagine these as lo-fi power pop/punk tunes that seriously rock. IM me, anyone, and I'll be glad to send you a few files.
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 16 February :: 10.44pm
all right, so people asking about my v-day, and wondering why I was so negative...
time to get out of my crypticism.
letting all the kids back home know. so i met this guy down here at school. yeah. it's like, i liked him a lot, and i guess he liked me, but we never did anything about it like, forever.
but finally, we started hanging out a ton (he came up over xmas break a couple times, a few people met him) and we've been *together* for almost a month.
It's all great, I'm actually very happy. We have our differences, and we're both very stubborn in our ways, and we got into a fight on the night before valentines day and it was sad....but we are all better now...
i'm gonna go visit him, just wanted to let everyone know what's going on!
1 Fey |
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 16 February :: 8.44pm
:: Mood: pissed off
so here's the story...
I pointed out some really stupid mistakes made by this band's mailing list...they got angry and immature and subscribed me to about 300 porn lists.
so basically I need a new email address.
It was about time anyway.
any suggestions?
1 Fey |
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 14 February :: 12.06am
happy fucking valentine's day, everybody.
1 Fey |
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 13 February :: 11.47pm
i don't know why i'd ever let myself believe in it again.
what a wonderful waste of time. i guess i'm jsut out for sympathy, huh?
i really thought that was going somewhere, but thanks for letting me know that it wasnt before i got too caught up in the illusion.
you never knew who i was, and never tried that hard to find out...
sometimes i want comforting, not questions. sometimes the way to make things right is to just hold me, not interrogate me.
but i'm not going to find anyone who believes in that.
i think i'd rather be alone.
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 13 February :: 8.29pm
i'm tired, i'm cold, i'm empty.
i thought i knew better, i thought it wasnt always the same.
i just want to wake up tommorrow and forget how i feel right now.
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 9 February :: 9.30am
What band...
Reminds you of an ex-lover: Built to Spill
Reminds you of an ex-friend: Smash Mouth
Makes you cry: Elton John
Makes you laugh: brand new
You never want to hear again: Avril Lavigne (nice call kevin)
Sums up your teenage years: modest mouse
You want to get married to: uhmm...elton john
You like to wake up to: ben folds
You like out of your parents record collection: elton john, rod stewart, hootie and the blowfish, aerosmith
You love that you wouldn't know about if it wasn't for a friend: modest mouse
Makes you think of someone who died: blind melon
You love the video more than the tune: stiches by orgy
Reminds you of your first crush love: blind melon
Reminds you of your now crush love: badly drawn boy
Makes you think of sex: nine inch nails
Makes you think of being alone: randy mcclain
Has only been released recently but you love already: Neko Case
Are you embarrassed to admit you like: Natalie Imbruglia
Perks you up: ben kweller
Makes you wanna injure somebody: tool
Do you love to sing: fiona apple
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 8 February :: 4.36pm
An Observation of Human Behavior 2/8/03
Scene: Medallion Scholarship Competition 2003
I'm assigned to help proctor essays, to do some Q and A, and basically chat with these kids about college, my scholarship, and college life.
It's fun. I like talking to people and I feel like I have something to bring to the college conversation. I can answer just about any question they can toss at me, and I'm starting to think I should become a college admissions representative because I enjoy it that much.
So we seat about 100 kids in a room and make them write an essay about the US foreign affairs and internal restraints.
It's a grueling essay. An hour long, with little to go on and a tough topic.
If they write a decent essay, they will be considered for one of about 26 scholarships of $32,000.
A girl gets up after the essays had been written and handed in. They are headed to lunch.
She turns to me with a big smile. She says "Thank you."
For what?
I didn't do anything.
I just sat and watched you work your ass off.
And I don't even decide if you get the money...
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 7 February :: 1.28pm
:: Mood: contemplative
An Observation of Human Behavior 2/7/03
I'm kindof liking these, I might continue doing them. Working on my sociologist outlet, and my objectivity.
Scene: The mall food court.
I went shopping with my mother to buy a "professional suit" to wear to the function that I have to attend tommorrow and next saturday. It's the scholarship competition at Western for the class of 2003, and since last year they decided at this same competition, to give me $32,000, I now have an obligation to assist in running it for the next four. I speak on panels and direct discussions, and schmooze with all these fancy people dressed up and decked out in an sttempt to impress people with their intellect to make money to go to school with.
The shopping trip was highly successful. I found a classy, professional, uppity looking business pantsuit.
So we go to get something to eat from the food court.
As we sit in the booth discussing school, and financial matters, I can't help but notice the guy next to me.
He's a mall employee.
He is cleaning the stands that hold up the tables in the food court.
I look at these stands, and I realize just how clean the food court is, and that the table stands don't even have a show scuff mark on them.
But he is scrubbing away at these table stands.
Cleaning these stands is his job. And he was down on hands and knees. Working his ass off.
Even this guy could have totally slacked off, done a half-assed job, or even skipped most of the tables because they were basically clean already, he was working so hard.
It made me feel insignificant.
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 6 February :: 2.21pm
:: Mood: annoyed
An Observation of Human Behavior 2/6/03
I walk into the caf today, approximately 2:00pm, for lunch.
A girl is talking on her cell phone while loading her tray with food. Mind you, I find this extremely annoying but there are worse things in life I suppose, as long as she doesn't drop her phone into the jello or something, whatever..
She is talking to her mother.
"Mom, remember how you said you were going to pay my first phone bill? Yeah, I got the statement but you only paid $60 of it."
At this point I'm already shaking my head in disgust. My phone bill averages around 45-50 dollars a month, and I have a huge plan. So this girl has a phone plan that runs over 60 dollars.
I'm loading up on chocolate pudding, and I'm not really listening to her. Until I hear her sobbing profusely to her friend who she was with.
"She said she's not going to pay it. She said she would pay my first bill. It was part of my christmas present. She's SUCH a BITCH."
Whiny girl. Ok, maybe there's more to it, that I don't know.
She calls someone else on the phone. (At this point, she has picked a table. I sit in front of her so I can continue to listen and be amused while pretending to be entertained by "As The World Turns".)
Fromn this second conversation, my amusement turns to disgust...
"Well, she said not to worry about keeping track of my minutes, because she was going to pay the first bill."
She is still sobbing, pauses for a question asked by her partner on the other line, undoubtably something like, well, how much was it? Just what I was curious about.
"I'ts $256."
You've got to be kidding with me. The girl gave the impression of a total brat to me, racking up this bill about as high as she could get it, knowing (assuming) that her mother would pay it for her.
She goes on to recount her other debts to the person on the phone, and totals them to about $1000.
She pauses for a moment while the person on the phone speaks, and she begins to regain control of her emotions.
"Ok...well...I can pay it over the phone with the credit card. I'll do it tonite. Thank you. I love you, daddy."
She hangs up the phone and turns to her friend, perfectly calm and back into pissy bitch mode.
"God... and my mom wonders why I'm a daddy's girl. She's such a bitch."
3 FeyBebop |
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 5 February :: 11.20am
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: Pretty Girls Make Graves- The Getaway
How far will this get us from here? And I don't want to talk about what's back there...we can never go home...Just as long as it's us....that's all that matters...you're all that matters...
as i was crawling into bed last night, i gave myself that reality check.
i was starting to change my mind about what i believe.
but i remembered the key reason why i have to think the way i do.
i remembered just how painful it is when both sides are not equal.
i'm not about to give in just so i can get crushed down again, i can't do that to myself, i cant..
i just dont know how to feel anymore. that girly side is rearing its ugly head. i have to kill it...or at least quell it until i can think straight.
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 3 February :: 2.13pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: The Verve Pipe- Happiness is
Happiness is...where ever you find it...and I wanna find it with you...
do you ever realize how much harder it is to write a woohu entry when you're happy? when you're in a terribly good mood? unless of course you do a whole big long detailed entry explaining JUST why you are so damn chipper. i can say that i dont like to do that much. i like remaining cryptic...
my life is good right now. and thus my entries are short, cryptic, and get no replies.
1 Fey |
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 2 February :: 5.22pm
:: Mood: indescribable
this morning i awoke in a state of bliss.
i had most certainly forgotten what bliss felt like.
Edward
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