\'I have no concept of time, other than it is dieing.\' (Alantis Moreset)
\'You cannot leave foot prints in the sands of time if you are sitting on your butt, and who wants to leave butt prints in the sands of time.\' :
( I read it all by my self!!... somewhere... :) )

There is a certain pain that comes with each day that passes me by. I am constantly updating a \'stadard relivence\' for what i have spent the day on. When this standard is not met, it hurts in side. The pain is partially for the seemingly waisted 24 hours, but more so for the lowered standard. Other days far surpass the standard, then i am happy for the moment, yet filled with the fear of falling back down.

Despite all this, i rather enjoy the ups and downs, for it is better to have to joy and pain, than to not feal at all.

*Frost, To be cold and unfealing. Numb to the world, and often in the way. But when morning comes and the sun does rise. I shale thaw, and become once again the nector of life... Must i fall to the ground?*

I have been asked a few personal questions about my fealings recently. While dwelling upon how it is I wish to reply i learned more about my self.
Summery:
My greatest fears:
1) That fear of #2 will make it a self fullfilling destiny
2) To lose someone important to me.
3) To not fear #2. (if something so important to me is no longer important, where does that leave the rest of the world?)

It was also mentioned that i deal with my emotions quite well. (i assume the meaning to be focused on anger, and maybe even stress) On my attempt to observe my calmness, i found my beleif in (what i used to think was called) \'transendence\' ^i thought it summorized the idea of \"what goes around comes around\", but uppon a closer look at the dictionary, its not even close.^ anyways this style of thought process leaves me less upset with many situations than the average person.

I have found something that disturbed me, during this time of analisis.

That being how loosely the average person uses the words Always and Forever.
One minute someone could be telling me that that we will be friends \'forever\', the next the internet it taking \'forever\' to connect. Thankfully they are still my friend.

Also i have been told to \'just pay more attention\' in order to know what bothers a person. however. My attentiveness leads to my actions that bother them... I also must work on avoiding the words \'I sorry\'&\'I appologize\', and i must find other words to exspress my sympathy for a situation that has little to do with me.

I have rid myself of \'I\'m sorry\'s in the past, however with no insentive left afterwords, for those who cared had exited stage left from my life. Perhaps unconcously i blammed it on the lack of appologies, or perhaps i gave up on fixing myself after that. Either way, they have returned, simply to be \'fixed\' again.

--Through-out my life i always here \'no body\'s perfect\' and at times even \'nothing is perfect\'...--

Recently i took a few steps back to look at the world. In my perseption the world is perfect, for with out no downs there would be no ups... and with-out flaws to fix, and dreams to chase, life would be far less fullfilling. ^lets hope i state this last part in an understandable way^ This world/life is all im sure i have, what comes after is unsure to me... So with all things in this perspective, If this is all there is. How could it not be perfect...

I think that is the end of my opinions today.

well i guess i would also like to point out my captivation in the style JediBumblebee is useing in her journal entrys