jedibumblebee
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2002 22 January :: 9.55pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Harvey Danger- Private Helicopter
No one's making us do what we're supposed to...
Why does no one ever comment on my journal entries anymore?
I know that I'm not profound or interesting, but I try...sometimes...but I tend to be too cryptic.
I'm only digging my hole deeper and deeper...but I can't put down my shovel.
1 Fey |
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 22 January :: 4.03pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: The Cult- Painted On My Heart
Something in your eyes keeps haunting me...I'm trying to escape you...
If its all so simple, why can't I just let it go? Or maybe just accept it?
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 21 January :: 10.35pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: The International Noise Conspiracy- Only Lovers Left Alive
Your lack of passion, and your lack of dreams pretty much made you obsolete...
I hate college. I wish I just went to normal school like everyone else. :(
Auditions- blah, i'm not sure HOW that went so i suppose we will see and you can be sure that i will say SOMETHING about it..
Why can't I sleep anymore? I've tried all those tricks again and nothing works...I got a humidifier for my room...tried music, no music, bubble baths, drinking milk (uck!) etc etc etc and I'm still having troubles. So I am under the alias of doing homework, when really, I'd rather be sleeping!
I wish I knew what people were thinking...but thats a whole seperate issue, eh?
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 21 January :: 5.17pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Green Day- Jinx
I'm hexed with regrets and bad luck...so keep your distance cuz it's rubbing off...
shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit
I messed up.
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 20 January :: 7.46pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: NOFX - We Threw Gasoline On The Fire And Now We Have Stumps For Arms And No Eyebrows
You don't know me let alone my intent......To me it's plain, to you absurd (i know, out of order....but it makes more sense that way...)
Robby, what did you do now??? I just got SET UP! ugh! i didn't think i'd ever let ROBBY do something like this...and to think i was MAD at him yesterday...
I can only hope it'll be fun... and that it'll keep me away from the mess i'm in...
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 20 January :: 4.50pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Better Than Ezra- Extra Ordinary
All I want to do is...stay til early in the morning...
Well, today's a little slow...I got up between noon and one, did a little homework, and I've been chilling on this here computer... But i've managed to stay IN my house and not go to work, OR spend any money (yet). So overall I think I'm doing pretty good.
Anyone want to go out and party tonight? :)
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 19 January :: 10.42pm
:: Mood: scared
:: Music: Barenaked Ladies- Falling for the First Time
I'm so smart, too bad I can't get anything figured out...
Ever come to a shocking realization about yourself that you should have made WEEKS ago?
Like, I did something stupid, something should have been totally obvious to me from the very beginning but I didn't pay attention! **smacks forehead**
So now I am stuck.
I've probably just got myself in a big mess. But it may be too early to tell.
1 Fey |
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 19 January :: 3.38pm
:: Mood: irritated
:: Music: Goldfinger- Superman
I'm trying to keep the ground on my feet, it seems the world is falling down around me...
updates on everything that happened yesterday:
1. Yes, my sister's arm is broken. She's got a slight fracture, not bad enough to have a cast but she is in a sling.
2. The washing machine ate a sock. My sock. That's why it decided to spew water all over my floor. So now I need to buy new socks.
3. I didn't quit my job. I tried, and my boss promised me that everything would be worked out. SO we'll see.
4. I'm still mad at my friend.
I'm so confused, about what to do, sometimes I want to throw it all away.
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 18 January :: 9.58pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: Soul Coughing and Weezer- American Girls
knocked me on my knees and i can't stand up...
MY DAY TODAY
1. English exam. Got up late, wore scrubby clothes and drank apple juice. That was ok. I got a good score.
2. Hallway passing time. Realized that I looked like the rest of the white trash girls and that slippers at school are a bad idea.
3. Choir Exam- ouch! So that's what happens when you skip review day... Everyone listened to rap music and chatted. I don't know how to chat. I sat alone for a long time.
4. Leaving school. Hurtful glances, pain in my tummy too.
5. Home to get ready for work. I still feel yucky, i haven't refilled my perscription yet so that was probably a contributing factor.
6. While changing for work, I get a really nasty nosebleed. Remember my last entry about blood? yeah...
7. Go to work, walk in and my boss can tell how icky i feel, i say i'm sick and wanna go home.
8. Go home, talk on computer, get bored, go shopping, spend much money. Bought a TV that doesn't work. Drove home and got stuck in traffic due to a stupid accident.
9. Walk into house. Hear two screaming children and a whole lot of water, and no adults present.
10. Futilely attempt to stop broken washing machine from spilling liquid contents onto floor.
11. Console sister about serious pain she receieved while rollerskating in my establishment at which I had gone home sick earlier.
12. Call mom on cellphone. Repeat about 12 times.
13. Drive to basketball game to retrieve mother to drive sister to emergency room.
14. Return to house to mop floor around washing machine.
15. Go back to basketball game and attempt to sell pizza coupons in place of mother. Sell none, but had enthusiatic help after the real help ditched me (thanks dani! nice dancing! :) ).
16. Get rejected by person who i thought was my friend.
17. Stop at work to tell boss what happened. Told that I am wrong.
18. Cry
19. Go home.
20. Cry
21. Decide to quit job.
22. Weep bitter, depressed, miserable tears.
I'm still on step 22....
2 FeyBebop |
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 18 January :: 11.56am
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Nerfherder- Kiss Me Deadly
it ain't no big thing...but i know what i like...
What really iritates me is when someone will sit there and tell you that every theory that you currently follow in life is WRONG.
That the way you handle your problems is incorrect and won't help anything.
That they "already tried that" and since it didn't work for them, it couldn't possibly work for you.
Why can't I ever do things my way?
Of course, my way really hasn't worked yet...mayb i'm just stubborn...
i had hoped that i could get somewhere but i find that people like to shatter every chance i thought i ever had.
try shaking the world...will that wake them up??
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 17 January :: 10.44pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: Staind- For You
All your insults, and your curses, make me feel like I'm not a person...
so something unpleasent happened at work today...a lady fell while she was skating... and she hit her head really hard.. and had a hematoma.. which i found out is a very large, bloody lump on your head... she was bleeding a lot and i didn't notice... until i was in the ticket window and i looked at her from behind and her hair was totally matted with BLOOD.. i don't handle the blood thing real great... if you ever see me watch a gory movie, you laugh... but this was unfunny.. i started falling over and grabbed onto the counter... i couldn't finish my work in the lobby so i had to floorguard...while i'm still all queasy...we even had to call an ambulence... and there was lots of blood...a whole lot of it.. i didn't like it.
Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?
Should I turn this up for you?
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 17 January :: 1.26pm
:: Mood: satisfied
:: Music: Green Day- Poprocks and Coke
you place the name, you know i'll be there...you name the time, you know i'll be there...
yay! I dont think i failed! i'm thinking B-C range, which is ok. But let's all say good-bye valedictorian... and probably good-bye salutatorian too, depressing...i lose my scholarship to central now...not that i wanted to go there anyway but it sure looked nice on paper that i had most of it paid for.
i'm still quite upset, i missed my cornell app deadline...i really wanted to get out of here. so now i am pretty much stuck in-state. western...woo-hoo. go broncos.
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 16 January :: 10.30pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Artificial Joy Club- Sick and Beautiful
have some mercy and kevorkian me to sleep...
god, today was so blech. i didn't go to school but i was mad busy without it and i'm GOING TO FAIL MY PHYSICS EXAM.
my business class homework isn't finished, i'm behind in my reading for ALL my classes, and i've just generally not accomplished much of anything lately...
1 Fey |
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 15 January :: 9.26pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Beck- Devil's Haircut
everywhere i look there's a dead end waiting...
ok, exams piss me off.
I've waited year after year to become a senior so i could be exempt from exams...i usually have A's and very few absences...
Let's remind everyone that this is year number 4 of senioritis for me...it all started having Dave Harvey in speech my freshman year, and since then I have never rid myself of it.
So this year, being a senior, i thought i'd have it easy, but noooo....
All three classes are requiring me to take my exams...
English and Choir everyone has to take. But physics...you have to have a frikken 95%, which is pretty ridiculous. Physics has serioiusly been kicking my ass. Like, I can't grasp a single thing in that class. It's shots in the dark, and my tests are showing it. I was pretty pumped because i ALMOST got 50% on the last test.
SO I am rather screwed for this exam. And i really don't need it right now....
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 15 January :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: The Ataris- Teenage Riot
no matter what you do still some things never change...
back to work again, it feels so good...
i got cut to only 10 hrs this week at menards so i'm picking up real close to the full 18 at the rink...so not quite my 30-35 as usual, but hey. it pays the bills that i don't really incur.
i'll buy some fancy shoes to go with my swirl dress that i won't wear.
i'm not going to school tommorrow, exam review is more effective when i'm not around people...people are distracting. so when you don't see me there, that is reason #1. that and my sudden social dysfunction... er wait...
so two posts ago, about the nasty rumor...i think that's over. so you can disregard it. the truce has been called, and i'm hoping it'll help things.
Edward
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