eddy
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2008 3 November :: 6.36pm
:: Music: Chevelle - Panic Prone
The old problems still stick around.
But I think things are looking up for me.
I'm hopeful, at the very least.
5 People gave me |
lovin'
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.j.e.s.s.
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2008 1 November :: 10.21am
i am having a horrible horrible day...week...
i/we have never done this before. we've always been so on top of things and yeah we've been short before but never honestly with nothing. this is going to wreck things for us. this stuff is permanent.
god how do you tell a friend that you need something because it's fricken ruining shit.
this sucks and i keep getting sick every single day from the stress and i am not liking it.
3 People gave me |
lovin'
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spud
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2008 29 October :: 1.26am
:: Mood: contemplative
recollections
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i feel like i've lost a lot of my pizzazz. (or maybe you spell it pissass. depending on how many laxatives i took that day.) you know? i feel like i used to have more vitality, more everything. not that i was a driven, self-motivated type of person. not that i was spastic or rambunctious. i just feel like i had an undercurrent of motion that just isn't there anymore.
nowadays i let the simplest things prevent me from getting anything done, and i really don't feel the need to try and innovate, or make new things happen. i'm content to attempt, and fail, to merely recreate those which have come before. nothing outstanding. nothing superb. i just settle for okay.
but that really doesn't seem right. i don't want just an okay life. i don't want just okay friends. okay coworkers. okay family. that's not how it works for me. i feel like everything about my life up to this point has been outrageous. and now it's just mellowing out. i guess it's my job to keep it outrageous. but i have a lot of fucking jobs right now, which i guess is what's bogging me down. so, adding the job of unbogging myself to the pile doesn't really work. it'll just exacerbate the problem.
so, i just need to get a few things out of the way, one at a time, so that i have a bit more freedom to have some of that guilt-free, sporadic, funtime. where my energy is put to its most effectively pragmatic use. because clearly i don't get shit done when it comes to actual work. but give me something fun to do, and i'll forget to eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom, i'm so diligent.
and faking myself out to think that the "work" stuff is actually "fun" stuff doesn't cut it. believe me, i've tried. although, i have discovered that some of the "fun" stuff is actually "work". but since it falls under "fun" in my classifications, i can still do that, at least.
i guess we'll make it happen eventually. and until then, i'll just have to tough it out. but i want to be fun and exciting again. none of this boring, grumpy, old man nonsense. that suits me at times. but i don't think this should be one of those times.
i'll get there, and i'll enjoy it. but i'm not there yet. and there's no sense in rushing it.
1 People gave me |
lovin'
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spud
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2008 15 October :: 3.46am
Bzoink Friend Tests I got 1000000%on jessa's Test!
5 People gave me |
lovin'
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spud
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2008 15 October :: 3.32am
:: Mood: sleepy
I mean, crap, man.
... that's, like, his stomach plug on the ground, there. That's not even physically possible, if you think about it....
::
so yeah. i really need to clean out my email inbox. it's seriously bad.
i also need to stop failing at doing my homework. i turned in a paper today that was almost a week late, and when i was called on for discussion in another class, i just told her that i couldn't answer the question, because i didn't do the reading. not that half the class did. but the fact that i had to put it out there in words was awkward.
and it's not going to let up. theoretically i'll be starting work soon, which will only cause things to get worse. then again, maybe it will keep me busy to where i'm more productive and more motivated. hopefully that's the case.
either way, something has to change, because i can't keep going on like i am. i have serious issues with getting to bed, getting up, getting my work done, and getting places on time. especially lately. and it's very uncool.
that aside, the front moved through. that's nice. much cooler tonight. makes me happy. i'm excited for fall.
lovin'
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.j.e.s.s.
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2008 28 September :: 2.31pm
my prozac has taken the day (maybe week) off. I am in the worst mood ever and i would seirously suggest not talking to me today because I am bound to explode.
when someone tells you they are comig over at 1 and decide not to come to oh who knows... THREE or something? maybe you should let the home owner know. that'd be great thanks.
lovin'
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.j.e.s.s.
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2008 26 September :: 3.58pm
FOR ANYONE WHO LIKES TO TALK ON CELL PHONES.
dont you ever EVER EVER EVER ever come up to me while talking on your cell phone and fucking show me by using your fingers what tanning bed you'd like to tan in. or by pointing or mouthing words or fucking any of that stuff. seriously i'm going to punch this business dressed man who thinks he's fucking better than me i want to kick him in the fucking crotch. god i hope he dies.
fuckers.
i'm in such a bad mood.
lovin'
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.j.e.s.s.
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2008 26 September :: 3.41pm
i'm in a really bad mood and i'd really like to be home right now.
ugh.
lovin'
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spud
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2008 26 September :: 1.48am
:: Mood: tired?
:: Music: mr. deeds soundtrack
^^^no idea why^^^
so yeah. i had class all night. also turned in my app at papa john's. and i locked my keys in the car. dad came and bailed me out, though.
we did an audio interview with a guy in tampa tonight. how many thousand miles away? with 20 to 15000 Hz bandwidth, talkback, and almost no delay. phenomenal.
then i got back and chuck and i watched mystery science theater 3000 - "Hamlet" (the "from the 1960s, german, and dubbed in english" version).
that at least made it a little more worthwhile.
only had one cigarette today. thought that was pretty good.
time for bed, man.
goodnight.
6 People gave me |
lovin'
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spud
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2008 24 September :: 11.56am
this semester is strange.
i don't know where i was going with that.
i just know that it's noon and i need to get up off my duff and start doing things. otherwise i'll be late and unprepared for my meetings today.
... that sounds so big-person-ish.
3 People gave me |
lovin'
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