holiday
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2007 8 November :: 1.12am
Yep I still check this from time to time
Wow it's been a long time since I posted. Let's see....what's up with my life...
Caleb turned a year old on Oct. 26! Yay. He had his doctor appt on Tuesday. Stats when he was born: 6 lb 10 oz, 19 in long.
Stats when he was a year old: 22 lb, 32 in long
He is soooooo tall! Seriously, he's in the 97% ! He's 97% taller than all other 1 year olds! The doctor said with his height he's the size of a normal 17-month old. But his weight is just normal.
Carazy. This year has gone so fast. I am in my 3rd year at GRCC still no sign of graduating anytime soon. ha. Still cookin up good things all the time. Not working right now, just a stay at home mommy. Charlie and I are doing great. We're living in Wyoming right now, but we might be moving to Traverse City in the next couple years. It's sad I don't really have much to write about after all this time. Except Caleb, he's wonderful.
He's brought so much to my life, I love him so much.
Anywho I need my beauty sleep, HA! Nah, I have a date in the morning with a little boy to watch Clifford cartoons!
2 People gave me |
lovin'
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spud
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2007 8 November :: 12.33am
:: Music: the voices (they're everywhere)
going to maryland. leaving tomorrow. should be fun.
jessica is super-cool. and awesome. and having to tolerate me. which sucks. and so is everyone else, but they're just not faring as well in their tolerance as she is. which is unfortunate, although not entirely unexpected.
i'm fucking tired. and i haven't done shit this week.
oh well. maybe at the end of this tunnel i'll find myself. or at least someone else who can find me for me.
3 People gave me |
lovin'
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.j.e.s.s.
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2007 7 November :: 2.56pm
me and jess tried on wedding dresses together today.
i'm not sure which one i want. she is though
lovin'
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spud
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2007 6 November :: 4.07pm
:: Mood: disoriented
cardiopulmonary recussitation
"Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever.
All I know can be shown by your acceptance of the facts; they're shown before you.
Take what I say in a different way and it's easy to say that this is all confusion.
As I see a new day in me, I can also show if you - and you may - follow.
Speak to me of summer, long winters - longer than time can remember,
The setting up of other roads, to travel on in old, accustomed ways.
I still remember the talks by the water; the proud sons and daughters
That knew the knowledge of the land spoke to me in sweet accustomed ways."
and stuff and things.
all in all, though, feeling good. just very lost. and my concept of time is completely out the window.
lovin'
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.j.e.s.s.
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2007 4 November :: 7.45pm
sometimes i just wonder what would happen if i just dropped out of school. i hate it so much it makes me so frustrated. there really is nothing i enjoy about it. nothing i get out of it. i've learned a few things ..... the only class i really liked and i didn't even like it that much i just found it relatively interesting was medical terminology.
it is stupid. fuck. i should just drop out and i'm not getting anywhere anyway. fuck fuck fuck. i wish i could just move to florida with my parents.
1 People gave me |
lovin'
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2007 3 November :: 4.23am
:: Music: kevin and jessica
i think i'm a good person.
it's amazing how i can be so alone, and yet so complexly together with so many people.
i wrote this earlier. i had an idea about reincarnation, which seemed poetic at the time:
My soul is an old man swimming.
Am I his final foray into the waters?
Or does he have life left in him yet?
At times he is very adept,
So well used to his aquatic occupation.
At other times he is old and tired,
Barely floundering on the surface.
Despite his age he has a spryness about him.
But is that enough to carry us through?
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all questions, no answers. oh - how the mighty fall.
it's so disjointed. primarily due to how i have fallen. or at least that is how i feel at this particular epoch. different times will give rise to different emotions.
fucking A.
1 People gave me |
lovin'
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2007 1 November :: 3.10am
as much as i feel like a lot just happened, i also feel like nothing's going to change. which is both good and bad.
and i just never know what the fuck i'm supposed to do with it all. it's like god's cruel joke.
puts all the fucking pieces in my hand, and just expects me to figure it out. the only flaw being that sometimes i have extra parts that i made myself, and sometimes i'm missing a few parts that slid under the couch. but i can't just give up on the puzzle because the parts sometimes come alive and bash me upside the head, until i put them together. and then the next shipment arrives, the moment i torque down the last bolt.
it's bullshit, i'm telling you.
and also, i have to remember that, while social relationships are like atomic bonds, once the bond is separated, sometimes they take an electron with. and sometimes they give you one. and sometimes you just trade a few. i think it works. too bad nobody else understands it.
5 People gave me |
lovin'
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eddy
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2007 31 October :: 10.20am
Song or Suicide
Sorrow rebuild me as I step out of the light
Misery strengthen me as I say my goodbyes
I heal my wounds with grief
And dream of you
And weep myself alive
Sleepwalking Past Hope
I hid the keys to unlock love's heart
To hold you in my sweetest pain and suffering
Everything's unfair in our lust and war
Redemption beyond right and wrong
In our hearts love keeps sweet-talking to despair
And goes on sleepwalking past hope
All is lost in this war
And all we can do is to wail and weep to the saddest song
Sleepwalking past hope
I unlit the light to embrace the dark
To be near but not to turn into you my darling
Forever we're lost in our souls' storm
Reflections of each other's faults
I gave up long ago
Painting love with crimson flow
Ran out of blood and hope
So I paint you no more
My hell begins from the 10th and descends to the circle
Six hundred threescore and six
And from there I crawl beneath Lucifer's claws just for one last kiss
2 People gave me |
lovin'
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spud
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2007 31 October :: 2.17am
i carved a pumpkin tonight. it turned out well.
i also baked the seeds, which also turned out well, considering i forgot them in the oven for over half an hour.
and i got a sharpie tattoo of a skeleton from lindsay. nice work, linz. looks badass. oven mitt and all.
now time to sleep, so i can sort of act normal tomorrow-ish. although i don't have any plans for the evening. i may wind up studying, or something ridiculous like that. but c'mon, it's fucking halloween. i can do better than that. what'd i do last year? i don't remember. and the year before that i hung out with gunnie.
i always wind up being pretty boring on halloween. like the time i read harry potter while i was giving out candy. i enjoyed it, but it was very solitary and slow. which i guess i need sometimes.
i really want to play again. it's seriously beginning to hurt me inside. i just want it. so fucking bad. maybe this thing with robby is an answer.
5 People gave me |
lovin'
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eddy
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2007 30 October :: 10.35am
I've decided I can't do art anymore.
Not...straight art anyway. Like..drawing and painting and such. I can't help but feel creative in most things. But as for just plain drawing, I don't think I can do it anymore.
And I've also decided that I'm going to give up on almost everything. Except for pure friendship. And see where I will end up.
I hold on to too much pointlessness...
3 People gave me |
lovin'
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