Refuses to give up. I'm SO close. I just can't let it go. So maybe I fucked up, I have to do this..otherwise everything I've worked for will be for nothing.
Graduating will mean everything to me.
I don't care if I have to move to Alaska for grad school. I will knock down doors until somebody lets me in. I want to help people, it's what makes me want to live. It gives me purpose and meaning in my life.
I WILL be something. I am a smart person, I can't just give up and work at the casino for the rest of my life. I need to push through these hard times. Maybe this is what will change my life around for the better.
When I think of my future, I know what I want, and it's not living in a dumpy college apartment, struggling to make ends meet living paycheck to paycheck.
so last night nic told me something that really made sense. if you're upset about something or constantly worrying about something...don't. set aside 30 minutes of your day to actively think about it and to do what you can (if anything) to make it better. after that 30 minutes is up LET IT GO! for that day because otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy.
i really should start doing this. it's not easy though because thoughts easily pass through your mind that you don't intend, but i guess you just have to work on controlling it.
i realize i'm in a semi-crappy place right now, but maybe everyday ahead of me, i can do a little something to make it better.
today, i went through my finances and wrote in my planner all my bill due dates and amounts that automatically come out of my checking account..maybe it seems obvious or trivial but i don't keep track of that stuff usually very well and this will help me be a little less worried about finances. +1 for the day...
ps-i really appreciate the advice given on previous entries. it truly helped
Day 07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event
always love me some four finger five. i remember getting sufficiently buzzed at one of their shows at founders and listening to this song and dancing my fool head off. which is sad, because i'm really a spectacularly terrible dancer. i apologize to whoever may have been forced to endure it.
I can't even explain it, it's too long and it makes me too disappointed in myself.
The only thing in life that made me feel good about myself and accomplished and hopeful for the future was speech pathology, and i've slowly just majorly fucked it all up.
i'm so lost, i wish i could turn back time and do things differently but i know it can't. and i'm too ashamed to admit all the wrong/bad i've done in school and with potential letters of rec. from professors that are on the admissions board. i'm an idiot and i feel like i've lost all that i worked for.
