:: 2003 3 June :: 10.35 pm

la de da.
i am bored.
work is hard, but i'm enjoying not being bored out of my mind all day. i will be excited when it actually starts feeling like summer around here. it was only like 60 degrees today. talk about mucho frio.
i am so tired and i have a summer cold. now i'm just complaining. i hate complaining, its annoying. i have 4 tickets to a st. louis cardinals baseball game for friday night. too bad i don't have any friends. bleh.
well i am going to take a shower and go to sleep. i am dead tired. <3 always.

:: 2003 1 June :: 11.49 pm

these last few days have been difficult to say the least. graduation was friday night. it was sad. everyone is leaving me after the summer, and that night was just a bitter assurance of that fact. after the ceremony was leslie's party though. it was alright fun up until around 11 when the coolest person ever came in. i talked to him and his friend for about an hour and then they left. then after the party leslie and i took a country cruise until around 2. the next day was parties all day. that would have been saturday, yesterday. laura's party was okay. then jayme's was alright. we managed to sneak some vodka into our punch. good times. then i went for a drive with fro and then stood up town w/ some friends until 1. then someone awesome called me at 1:30 to find out what was going on. nothing was so i will call him tomorrow. today was incredibly uneventful. i didn't even wake up until 11:30. then i went to the mall to buy something to wear to work tomorrow. yes, i start work tomorrow. i work from 8-4. then after that i am going to go out and do something. next weekend is going to be a huge drunkfest. i can't wait. thats all for now. i'm praying for good luck with my favorite boy. <3 always.

:: 2003 29 May :: 11.03 pm

"i am always the one who calls" - pedro the lion
its times like these i can't wait to get the hell out of here and forget everything and everyone in this stupid place.
my friend was supposed to call me almost an hour ago to go out tonight, but i guess that's not happening. i hate when that type of thing happens. it makes me angry. but everyone is still on msn which leads me to believe there is nothing better going on. i talked to someone and he didn't have much to say. i hate that. he never has anything to say to me. i guess thats how it will always be.

:: 2003 28 May :: 11.42 pm

my journal is very matrix-ish now. ummm... i didn't mean to make it like that, i was just experimenting with green and that happened, but i will leave it for now. i will go back and change it when i am in the mood... silver and red next time... i think... otherwise white. i don't know, something semi-interesting. sleep = good.
<3 always.

:: 2003 28 May :: 11.16 pm

today i went to see the matrix reloaded. it was amazing. i loved it. but you know.... even neo chose love over saving the world. thats sort of crazy, that love is that powerful. that sounded dumb... but oh well. i'm not in the mood to backspace. i'm still listening to the get up kids. and watching the news. tomorrow i am getting my hair dyed and cut and tomorrow night is my brother's 8th grade graduation. school is now officially out. its summer. next week i start work. this summer will go by fast and then my senior year will fly by. and before i know it i will be in college... hopefully happy. but as of right now, only one thing would make me happy, and it doesn't seem that anything of that sort will be occuring anytime soon... oh well, one can still dream.
<3 always.

:: 2003 27 May :: 11.34 pm

tomorrow i have my final in pre-calculus. i'm going to fail, and i don't give a flying fuck. after that is supposed to be the matrix party, but i have yet to hear if that is going down. i hope so, otherwise, i may very well go to see it myself, along with down with love and maybe even another overpriced flick. i've been listening to the faint a lot lately. i just bought the danse macabre remixes and i like them very much. the glass danse is still my favorite. right now though i am listening to a techno remix of "if you're not the one" by daniel beddingfield. yes yes i know, i'm a trendy fuck... but its still not working for me. they still call me a punk. sunday could have been so good. oh well, it was still alright, better than saturday, and better than this whole week has been thus far. its difficult to have a concept of time when there is no school. its difficult to have high expectations being let down to fall so far. he wanted her. she didn't want him. i want him. he doesn't want me. what the fuck? why can't things just work out? its because i wanted them to, and nothing happens good for me...

:: 2003 26 May :: 10.28 pm

because she is exactly what they all want. why can't i be? <3 <3 <3. unescapable <3. one more week. 2 more months. fragment after worthless, pointless fragment. "i'm not going anywhere" <3 "how's it going" <3 everything every little thing means so much to me it kills me to know i'm going through this again... <3 <3 <3 or lackthereof...

:: 2003 26 May :: 2.12 am

tonight: tonight was better than average. i had a semi-good time at the party. actually better than semi-good, but it could have been a little bit better. still i'm not complaining. we saw a shooting star, and my wish... i can't say, but... i would be infinitely happy if it would come true.
<3 always.

:: 2003 25 May :: 6.15 pm

last night i went to a midnight barbeque. leslie got fucked up. i talked to nathan and derek and some other people. it was fun. very very fun. we burned the chicken. lol. ah, much fun.
<3 always.

:: 2003 24 May :: 1.41 am

this night was not so bad. i got to see and talk to the coolest bestest person ever. he makes me smile no matter what. its so great. its just too damn bad that he's too good for me. oh well, just friends is better than nothing i suppose.

:: 2003 22 May :: 11.27 pm

whoo, i am tired. 1 more day of school. its kinda sad, but i am also pretty stoked. i thought i had something to say... but i can't remember. maybe i'll be back later.
<3 always.

:: 2003 21 May :: 11.23 pm

what is up with that? clay lost american idol. that is so bogus. i'm tired. 2 more days of school. bored is the only word to describe how i feel. i get the pleasure of going to the dentist tomorrow... but in order to do that, i get the pleasure of missing english class. the dentist blows, but a small price to pay to escape the deep hell of english class.
<3 always.

:: 2003 20 May :: 9.47 pm

my nextel rocks my world. i love it. tonight i voted for clay on american idol. wow am i a nerd. my friend got 2nd degree burns from dropping a tv dinner on her. i tell ya, this town is a damn soap opera. lol.
<3 always.

:: 2003 20 May :: 12.58 am

today turned out to be a pretty good day... i mean nothing spectacular, but i'll take what i can get. first, i got my ACT scores back today. i got a 29 which is awesome for me. then i went and bought a phone. yes yes, the i-90 swiss army special edition. i'm stoked. but the bad thing is that it doesn't come in until wednesday. then i came home and the coolest person in the world messaged me and said he'd seen me tonight. and he also said he would love to come to our matrix party next week. i'm stoked.
<3 always.

:: 2003 18 May :: 11.42 pm
:: Music: "campfire kansas" -the get up kids