so its almost saturday night... i'm sitting here by myself waiting for a phone call from anyone that will more than likely not come. i picked out some ground effects and lights and decals for my car... i hope i can get them soon. and.. i picked out the phone i am going to get. so tomorrow i'm going to go try to get a job so i can pay for some of these things.
lately things haven't been the same... its been over a month since i've seen anyone. things have surely changed. what used to be nothing has turned into everything. and nothing is getting any better.

some things just can't wait...
i went to the doctor today... i'm going to live... yeah. i did all my work. so now i have nothing to do really. in about 10 minutes i'm going to watch law and order. then i don't know what. i hope some more people get online so i can talk to them. that would be nice. i hate being like a tag along. i wish that would stop happening. okay. later.

wow. i feel way out of it. medecine = bad. nobody is online. i don't really want to go to mardi gras. i don't think that would be fun. esp. w/ the man. lol. the party might be fun though. but i probably won't stay long. i mean whats the point. i wish things would go back to the way they were before. back before we knew the man and before all the parties and the w/c. but we can't go back. 4 more months and it will all be over. everyone will be gone. kinda sad. sucks pretty much. well, i can't see straight so i'm going away. bye.

i'm getting sick. feels like strep throat or something to that effect. every time i try to breathe in i feel like i am drowning. but its okay. i'll get over it. i'm way tired. way... way... tired. and pretty bored. where is everyone when i feel like chatting it up? oh well. wtf.. lol. i'll catch you all later then.

they'll never hurt you like i do... no no... no, no no no no no
i'm dying, lying alone again in this empty bed. dark and cold and waiting for this all to stop. 1...2...3...

can you still feel the butterflies?
can you still hear the last goodnight?

if i could go back... the only thing i would change is i never would have wasted one tear on you.

<3 please, please notice me!

this weekend was incredibly uneventful, thus the lack of updates. i'm really suffering for lack of mindstate to post on here. i don't even think i'm making any sense. maybe later, i will think of something half-way interesting to say. later.

you know, one thing i hate is when you get online and as soon as you do, someone you would have really liked to talk to signs off.

so i've been feeling differently these past few days. nothing seems to be going my way, so i guess i will just hope it passes. night.

:* (
i feel like shit. honestly. i don't even know what is going through my head. i can't decifer good from bad. i don't know what i'm looking for. i don't know what i'm trying to be or trying to achieve. i just was to sleep and not wake up until its over.

fucking self-proclaimed emo shit. fucking boy.
so, i just have to remember one thing before things get terrible... we're only friends, we're only friends, we're only friends, we're only friends, we're only friends, we're only friends, we're only friends, we're only friends, we're only friends...

oh this is never going to work...

oh my darling when you smile it is like a song, and i can hear it now...
so last night i didn't say much. i was having a conversation with someone and it was really all i could think of. but i'm better now. but i just want to say that i was very exstatic (sp?) that he initiated the conversation. <3

so anyway. i'm so bored. 2 more basketball games. we were talking about prom and i think its going to be lame especially without a date. and of course i don't have one of those. i have homework. a shitload of it actually, and i probably should get around to doing it. but i really just want to sit here and day dream about thinks like orange water and other things. hehe. so i don't know. i don't really know what i'm doing. i don't really even know what i am saying, so i'm going to spare you the lines and close. bye.

"men with purple hearts carry silver guns, and they'll kill a man for what his father's done, but what my father did, you know it don't mean shit... i'm not him"
remember to breathe, and everything will be okay...