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2004 5 March :: 9.06 pm
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yupp, go to hell!
1 comment |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 5 March :: 7.48 pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: John Mayer-Comfortable
Fuck it
Today couldn't of been worse. Woke up late, wasn't ready, got in a fight with my mom on the way to school, was crying when I got there, Jess wasn't here because of band, tv production was pissing me off, did bad on my biology test, my teachers a moron, dont fucking understand algebra nothing new really, stayed in for lunch to work on math cos im a dumbass, english was boring and were reading the most retarded book ever, choir was shit, last hour was shit, myles brought me home and slammed my damn finger in the door, and can't go to the damn game. Yeah, pretty much qualifies for a shitty day. Oh well, I'll get over it.
We'll see after it. I'm pretty sure it'll end this way though, that's really the only way.
Why don't you just get on with it already?
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Today was one of those days were you fucking hate everyone, and could hit anyone at any second. Yup, sorry.
Jess
3 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 4 March :: 9.20 pm
akjdfkajdflkjaldfjal;sdjflajdsfl;ajdsfkajf
How do I put this into words?
3 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 4 March :: 6.45 am
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Michelle Branch-Breathe
Bahhhh
Yesterday I stayed home sick. It was nice. Didn't wake up untill about noon. Ahhh gosh, I haven't
done that in so long! It felt so great. I don't know why but for some reason when I woke up it just
totally felt like summer. AHHHHHHHHH I miss it so much. You have no idea. I'm so ready for
this school year to just be over and for summer to be here. Bonfires, beaches, pool parties, just
normal parties, flip flops, ice cream, tans (well not for me of course), sleep in late, stay up late,
parents gone all day, job which equals moeny, the zoo, and the best part *No School* yay! I'm
getting too excited. I'm just going to make myself sad and disapointed so I'll just stop there.
I didn't decide it was over, I just felt that it already was. Enough said. It doens't matter anymore.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh he makes me crazy, but oh so happy.
I talked to Angeeh on the phone for a long time yesterday, it was really nice. We haven't really gotten
the chance to really talk in a very very long time. Same with Linds, but we always talk. Heh, and
Devon. Yeah all my phone conversations yesterday were very long, and very serious. I love when you
feel like everything is just crappy, and you have so much on your mind, you're so overwhelemed and
you dont think you can tell anyone, and then somone, or a few people come along, and make sense
of everything you say, and totally understand, and ahhh I just love you all more for it.
We'll see how everything works out.
Luv, Jess.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 2 March :: 8.25 pm
:: Mood: sad
Ahhh
Why is that everything in this world has to be so complicated, so confusing, so hurtful, so...crushing? I don't think I'll ever understand it one bit. You say, you're not supouse to. Yeah, that may be true but it sure does make things really difficult, really stressful, really depressing.
"Love thy enemy" I can't do that. After today and everything I heard. I don't want to be friends anylonger. Friends dont drop one another and then tell everyone else but her when he wants to pick her back up again. Even though you hurt me times ten compared to why your upset, I'm still not out there bashing you. That isn't you, or maybe it is. That's the problem. I think I know you, when you're really someone else. So yeah...I guess our friendships just over. Why does that hurt so much to say? Why should I care so damn much? I shouldn't...yet I do.
I do miss one of my other friends. He was a pretty good friend for a while. Called eachother a lot, hung out, did things like movies, bowling, houses, ect. But now...I dunno we just don't talk. And I guess there's nothing I can do. I'm tiered of always being the one to do something. Everyone is just as capable as I am to do something. I need a break. Here it is.
Baby I need you to know you can fall into me that my arms are wide open and we'll always be right here waiting staying strong come and fall into me. Fall into me. You say you've turned it off, hid your heart up on a shelf. Scared of what it might cost to take it down for someone else. Because loving in her you lost, to much of your self baby. Why can't you see, that she's not me? And I need you to know that you can fall into me, that my arms are wide open and I'll always be right here waiting staying strong, come and fall into me. I'll follow any road anywhere to get to you, I'll open up my heart if that's what you need me to do. Now baby it's your move. All you've got to do is believe in love, just believe in us.
....Never liked that song untill now, when the meaning is so perfect.
You're all I want, all I could ever want, all I could ever need. All that could make me happy, humble, kind, caring, and loving. Just let it happen, that's all.
Happy Sweet 16 to Kate tomorrow! I love you babe and hope you have a great Bday.
Luv ya always
Jess
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 2 March :: 7.16 am
I saw Passion of Christ again last night with Jess. I can't really say I wanted to see it twice. It took away a lot of meaning, and at the same time added it.
I just don't understand. It breaks my heart knowing how selfish we are, how selfish I am. That movies changed the way I look at so manyt things. Mostly being okay with death. I mean of course I want to go live my life, graduate, go off to college, get a job, fall in love, get married, start a family of my own and just live life. But if that's not my plan, then I'm 100% okay with it. I trust and believe in God to do whatever he pleases with me, I'm ready.
It may sound dumb but I want to change so manyt things, starting with myself because there is so much I could change. I want to stop swearing, I want to stop fighting with my parents so much I may not always agree but you should obey your parents because the stupid things you fight about now, going to the mall, hanging out with a certain someone won't matter in 2 months. Or even two years. I'm just starting to grasp everything. I want to stop making bad choices and saying and doing things without thinking about them first. I want to be more like the way I should be, a child in the eyes of the beholder.
Do not only love ones who love you back, but love your enemies because what reward would that be? Thje greatest gift to man is to die for your brothers and sisters, your friends.
One of the most valuable things I personally think you could ever learn.
So after the movies me and my dad got in a fight. More like he just yelled at me the whole way home because the movie ended later than he thought I guess. And for the first time *EVER* I wan't mad he was yelling, I was angry, or even upset at all. I was just so happy, and thankful I have someone who loves me enough to yell at me.
I'm sure this all probably sounds....dumb to at least someo f you, but ....a movie, a life that can touch so many people, everyone if you have a heart and change us for ever, for the better. It's undescriable, it's amazing.
I love you threw the good and the bad, you are there. The only person I can truely ever rely on to always love me and be there for me every second of my life, is no one else but you. You are my eyes, my head, my heart, and always and forever me. I am your servant in love always and forever until the day my body dies.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 1 March :: 6.43 pm
..........Going to see Passion again cos I promised Jess I'd see it with her, and then I went w/ other people. So I'm going again tonight. I don't really want too. No one enjoys watching that movie, but it could never lose meaning no matter how many times you see it. So yeah, I'm going too. I luv my Pappy, I'll go for her.
I'm so head over heals, it's unreal. This is either going to make me the happiest girl alive, or the saddest one. I think we'd all perfer the happy one.....have you ever felt so....overwhelmed, but in a good way that you just wanted to ball your eyes out? Yeah. Me, that's it.
So Myles brought me home after school, and I walk into my house, go down stiars, then go back to my room, and what do I see? Yup those candy bars I was selling for choir, to go to New York...my dog Pepper ate them all. Thank God, I only had 7 left. She's so cute I can't stay mad at her, it's pathetic.
So yeah...............I'm crazy..........about...........you know.
Jess
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 1 March :: 7.17 am
I went and saw Passion of Christ with Linds Jon and Kevin last night. I can't explain that movie, in a sense I don't even feel comfortable talking about it. It's an amazing movie. I don't even want to call it a movie, because it's real. I don't know....jakdj I just hope I see what I should in those eyes. 159 million dollars in a week. After seeing that I'll never be the same.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 29 February :: 10.06 am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Michelle Branch-You get me
"I just don't understand it. I don't understand myself. I thought these feelings were gone, but they never really left. I see it, what I want, what I need, most of all what my hearts desires and you've never really left me at all. When nobody understands you come and take the chance. When nonce of the pieces fit, you make sense of it. You look inside my wild eyes never knowing what you'll find, and still you're here all the time. It's all I want. For so long, it meant so much, now it means everything. The craziness and heartache involved I just dont let get to me. Like I said I don't understand it, but you don't have to understand something to love it, sometimes you just do."
*tear* want.
Jess
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 29 February :: 8.52 am
I had a lot of fun last night. All day had pretty much been crap because of the Katie thing, Tony and Brent. yeah, big mess. I'm pretty sure things are okay now though. I hope. But yeah so Jon wanted to hang out so I went over there. It was fun. Lol minus the fishing bate. Other than that it was pretty good. Then me and Linds hung out later after and lol we didn't get to watch our chip'n'dales strip but it was still all good! At least till about 4:30 in the morning. lol Linds, I luv you! You're such a peach!
So I wanted to go see the Passion with Jess, but I couldn't...grrr I really want to see that. Everyone that has seen it told me they've cried. I mean Dakota even cried! For Pete's sake, I'm going to ball my eyes out. I think that is so incrediably amazing that movie, of a great story, of truth can make so many people cry like that. To touch so many people. It's just....amazing in my mind. So yeah hopefully I see that some time this week.
I want to go shopping, yes shopping. I think I'm going to make my mom take me today if she feels like being nice. We'll see.
So school starts back up tomorrow, joy! I'm so ready for school to be over it's not even funny. I bet you couldn't find one person in our school that isn't ready for school to just be out. Yup, not one. Crazy stuff. So that's about it. Toodle Lo.
All my luv,
Jess
3 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 27 February :: 9.56 pm
1.)You don't talk shit about your friend, period. You talk to them if you have a fucking problem.
2.) You don't treat your "friends" like shit. Espically when they've done nothing but be there for you.
3.) You don't make them feel like shit, and do stupid shit thinking it's funny, because guess what? When most people have bad days and you pull that crap, sometimes you aren't going to be forgiven for a long time. So keep the jokes and calls to your fucking selfs! And you wonder why you have no fucking friends. Think about it bitch!
People are fucking dumbass's I swear.
6 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 26 February :: 2.47 pm
Today sucked. Why the fuck do I care about this crap? MAYBE BECAUSE UP UNTILL NOW IT WASNT A LOAD OF TOTAL BULL SHIT!
So yeah, meant nothing. Yeah really makes me feel even more like shit. Oh-well, I just really shouldn't have expected anything else.
bah ajdf;kajdf;ljkadljfal;sjdf
Yeah I'm getting really fcuking sick of having my partner not be there after school to help me edit, and now I'm going to be here at school till like 7 when the band concert starts because editing takes friecken forever! And my fucking camera kept going to dead, and everyone I interviewed cept Linds was boring as heell, so yeah, If I get a bad grade for film festival tomorrow, yeah lets just say I'll be mad.
Threw everything today, Thanks Pappy for being the only one to be able to understand.
Jess
13 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 25 February :: 9.54 pm
...................I still am so crazy for you. I'm going to get hurt, I know it. It always happens.
3 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 25 February :: 4.30 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: None, the sound of tapes ratteling around.
This is when it hurts me the most.
So yeah I'm at school right now. Doing nothing, because me and my partner were supouse to stay after school to work on our TV Production project. Yeah...she never showed up. Which makes me really mad, because:
1.) It's due in two days, and we don't have any footage.
2.) It would take us like 4 or 5 hours to do it, so I was just planning on getting a ride with my dad or mom on their way home, but now I have nothing to do untill 6 o'clock. Even my homework is finished. I even friecken did extra credit, yeah pretty sad.
So yeah, This week started off soooooooo great! Monday was like the best day I've had in like 6 or 7 months. After school me and Jess hung out and made our own video, haha it never gets old. If you haven't seen it lol you should, cos you'll laugh your tooshie off. Believe me you will. Then Tuesday was a pretty good day too, but then today. I swear it wasn't like terriable or anything, it just wasn't good. You know when sometimes your just really aggravated and when people are beind dumb, and trying to act funny you just think to yourself, "wow their friecken stupid, I want to hit them?" Yup, that was about the equivalence of today.
The longer and longer it takes, the less you realize that the more time that passes, untill you try to get it ...the more and more it gets torn apart, and the more it gets torn, the less respect I have for you, because of how you're making me feel. The more you tear it up, the pieces get so small, eventually it wont be able to be put back together. The sad part, is it still breaks my heart, not yours.
It's really not cool. Grrr I don't understand it. I just really think it all sucks, it's all stupid. It's just fake. It's bull shit. That's what I think and almost everyone else does. Cept the few lucky ones. jdfkjaflkjal;kfjal;ksjfl;kasjdf;lkfkjklajdfljaldfjal;f
Please don't happen again, please don't go back to the way it was. Please please please. akjdfkajsfdkjasdlfjaslkdfjlasjdflkjsdf
13 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 24 February :: 9.38 pm
:: Mood: complacent
Today was a pretty damn good day! Again, two days in a row. Lol, pretty nice streak I got going there compared to the normal days huh? Lol I'd say so.
I showed mine and Pappy's tape today to like 1st hour, 4th hour, 5th hour, and some people in a different english class 5th hour. Heh it was so great! No one can watch that and not laugh their tooshie's off. heh. "That's the shit" lol! *fun fun fun*
So after school Mitch gave me a ride. I really miss that kid, he's such a sweetie. I swear he's really like one of the best guys that I have ever met. I really never understood that, or got over it. I luv that kid! God, he's so sweet.
So me and Devon hung out after school, she helped me on my math homework, which was nice because for once I actually understood what I was doing. Fucking math, I hate it. When am I ever going to have to fucking multiply monomials the rest of my fucking life?!?! huh just fucking give me oneeeeeeeee example that I'll have to use that in real life, What when I'm fucking 90 and shrivled up, I'll put the number of fucking wrinkles as a fraction and count them up, and do all that crap? I THINK NOT! lol yeah as you can see I HATE MATH!!!
So yeah my plan is to wait it out. Linds knows what I'm talking about. When softball and track season start, since I'm doing both, it should be a lot better. yay! I can't wait.
woo that's all, all my luv Jess
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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