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2004 30 January :: 8.15 am
:: Mood: annoyed
I don't really know what I want. I always think I do. I build all these things up in my head, as to everything I want, what I'm looking for, and what I'm not. Then as soon as I find it, ....I don't want it anymore. And it's no one else's fault, but my own. One day, it's going to knock me on my ass real hard too.
So last night me and my dad were talking about "my future." I guess you could say. And I told him that I wanted to be a teacher, side of being a coach after school. Of course he doens't even know that, because he barely knows anything about me. THe only friend he actually remembes all the time is Jess. That's only cos she's been my best friend since we were really little. I would bet he even forgets that sometimes. Anyhoo, when I told him I wanted to be a teacher, "What, why?" Were his *exact* words. "There's no moeny in that, that's stupid." Yeah.....my dad.....thanks dad for actually showing some intrest and support in something I want. That it isn't about moeny, because Iknow teachers don't really make that much, but yeah...I think it would be the funnest job in the world, and I love kids, and I love school, and being able to help people. That *is* what I want, but clearly my dad knows more than I do....yeah. Nice huh?
I'm really going to go insane when Jess leaves for Flordia, a whole friecken week! I hate band! jk
Ughhh I'm really tiered of this. It's not fair, it's not right, it's not cool. It's not anything that I want to deal with. Bah oh well things suck.
I miss him.
<3Jess<3
1 comment |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 25 January :: 8.11 am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional-Hands Down
Yesterday was a blast! We picked up Caleb, Tyler, and then Jess and my dad drove us to Pando and dropped us off. Oh my gosh, I had such a good time! Lol it was great. We went tubing, and it was so much fun. Sounds a little dorky, but it was the funnest I've had in awhile. Lol me and Jess looked like stupid little penguins with all the crap on, lol next time when they take us to learn how to snowboard I think we'll go alittle better pre-pared right Pappy? lol Good times. I'm glad we went. Espically those people, coudln't have been funner.
So afterwards my dad dropped us off at the movies and we went and saw Along Came Polly cos me and Jess had been wanting to see that, so we dragged Tyler and Caleb along even though Tyler's seen it twice before then. Lol oh well he didn't seem to mind. It was a good movie. Then Tyler's mom dropped us off back at Jess's. Where we called them talked to them all night on the phone and on here, lol so all together I had a great day!
On a different note. Ughhh that is so stupid. I don't even care anymore. How dare you take your two's problem out on me. You even apologize for it, and then start all over. What is that?!?! This is not my problem, so you better figure it out yourself without blaming me for it. BEcause best friends don't do that to one another. lieing?!? wtf. ughhh so stupid! When you're ready to start being a real friend who can keep your personal issues away from blaming me, then *you* can talk to me. Otherwise it's going to be pretty silent for a while. akjdflakjdf STUPID!
Well Me and Jess have to start getting ready for church so I'll talk to ya later. <3 Love lots-Jess <3
4 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 25 January :: 8.11 am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional-Hands Down
Yesterday was a blast! We picked up Caleb, Tyler, and then Jess and my dad drove us to Pando and dropped us off. Oh my gosh, I had such a good time! Lol it was great. We went tubing, and it was so much fun. Sounds a little dorky, but it was the funnest I've had in awhile. Lol me and Jess looked like stupid little penguins with all the crap on, lol next time when they take us to learn how to snowboard I think we'll go alittle better pre-pared right Pappy? lol Good times. I'm glad we went. Espically those people, coudln't have been funner.
So afterwards my dad dropped us off at the movies and we went and saw Along Came Polly cos me and Jess had been wanting to see that, so we dragged Tyler and Caleb along even though Tyler's seen it twice before then. Lol oh well he didn't seem to mind. It was a good movie. Then Tyler's mom dropped us off back at Jess's. Where we called them talked to them all night on the phone and on here, lol so all together I had a great day!
On a different note. Ughhh that is so stupid. I don't even care anymore. How dare you take your two's problem out on me. You even apologize for it, and then start all over. What is that?!?! This is not my problem, so you better figure it out yourself without blaming me for it. BEcause best friends don't do that to one another. lieing?!? wtf. ughhh so stupid! When you're ready to start being a real friend who can keep your personal issues away from blaming me, then *you* can talk to me. Otherwise it's going to be pretty silent for a while. akjdflakjdf STUPID!
Well Me and Jess have to start getting ready for church so I'll talk to ya later. <3 Love lots-Jess <3
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 13 January :: 10.32 pm
This world…this world…is dumb but you don’t…you don’t….have to go. You’re feeling sad, you’re feeling lonely and no one seems to care. You’re mother’s gone and you’re father hits you, it’s pain I cannot bare. We all bleed the same way as you do and we all have the same things to go through. Hold on if you feel like letting go, hold on it gets better than you know. This…it goes way to long and your nights… you can’t sleep at all. Hold on. You’re not sure what you’re waiting for, but you don’t want to know why. And you’re not sure what you’re looking for but you don’t want to know more, but we all bleed the same way as you do…and we all have the same things to go threw. Hold on if you feel like letting go, hold on if you feel like letting go, hold on it gets better than you know. Don’t stop crying you’re one step closer. Don’t stop searching, it’s not over. Hold on. What are you looking for? What are you waiting for? Do you know what you’re doing to me, go to hell! What are you waiting for? Hold on if you feel like letting go, hold on it gets better than you know. Don’t stop crying, you’re one step closer. Don’t stop searching, it’s not over. Hold on if you feel like letting go, hold on it gets better than you know. Hold on……! Sometimes…I wish I was brave. Wish I was stronger, which I could feel no pain. Wish I was bold, wish I was shy, I wish I was honest, wish I was him not I, cos I feel so mad, I feel so angry, feel so careless, so lost confused forget, I feel so cheap, un faithful, lets start over, lets start over. Sometimes I wish I was smart, I wish I made cures for how people are, I wish I had power, I wish I could hear, I wish I could change the world for you and me, cos I feel so mad, I feel so angry, feel so careless, so lost confused forget, feel so cheap, so unfaithful, lets start over, lets start over. Cos I feel so mad, feel so angry, feel so careless, so lost confused forget, feel so cheap, so unfaithful, let’s start over….let’s start over. I feel so mad, I feel so angry, I feel so so careless, so lost confused forget, feel so cheap, so unfaithful, let’s start over, let’s start over, forget you. When people are cruel you just have to raise you’re head and forget them. Everyone goes threw bad times, everyone goes threw the rough, when you have a good heart, it doesn’t matter. You can’t let it get to you. To someone who flat our says lets make someones life hell, you’ll always have 5 feet, 10, 20, 100, more on them. The best advice I’ve ever gotten in my entire life was from my brother, he’s always said, “The farthest distance you’ll ever travel in your life is the 12 inches from your head to your heart” I’ve never heard anything so true in my entire life. Suprisingly he gives really good advice, and can be really good at help. Pieces come together slowly but in the end, it’s all worth it. I hate what’s happening right now. I hate thinking what I’ve been thinking, but just like I look at every other crap that has ever happened to anyone, it just makes you better, stronger, and a wiser person in the end. So more power to it. The world bitter, is all I see. The word pathetic is all I see. The word miserable is all I see. The world heartless is call I see. The world coldhearted is all I see. The world ****** is all I see. It’s something unp-predictable, but in the end it’s right. So take the photos and still frames in your mind, hang it on a shelf in good time, tatoo’s memories, for what it was worth it was worth all the while. All gossip, jerks, plain out assholes, preps, punkers, jocks, goth’s, every title in the world doesn’t mean shit later on….it doesn’t. you’re never gonna get them back. Choices are indeed important. Almost everyone. Laugh it off, or let it go. When you wake up it’ll seem so yesterday. Haven’t you heard that I’m going to be okay? You can act real tough, you can say your torn, but I’ve heard enough. Thank you, you made my mind up for me. do you see a single tear? It isn’t gonna happen here. At least not today…cos if it’s over, let it go come tomorrow it will seem so yesterday. Regreats- One hundred days have made me older. A thousand lifes have made me colder, and I don’t think I can look at this the same. If I would have known, I never would have chose. But how could I chose if I didn’t? Everything I know…it gets hard to believe, but it wont take it away. When the last one falls, when its all said and done, it gets hard, but I won’t leave.It’s been to long, and I’m lost. What am I going to do, said I’d been needing it. Who’s the same, and who’s not you. I miss you. when I think back on those times, and the dreams we left behind, I’ll be blessed to know I had you in my life. I look and see you’re face, you were right there, you were right there for me. lyrics lyrics lyrics….nothing’s better. In my heart, you’ll always be, for all my life. I owe so much to you. You were right there for me, you were always right there for me. My heart is yours, the words are harsh, lets not get busted. Safe in from all the stupid questions. Stay quiet, stay nice, stay close, they can’t hear. So wont you kill me, so I die happy. You think you’re going no where, acting like you just don’t care..life could be so sweet. You’re not fooling no one , you’re not even fooling you. Sometimes it’s so hard to see the good things passing bye, there may not always be a flashing light to tell you when to make your move, but why not? If you lose the moment, you might lose the life. so why not? why not take a crazy chance, you always dress in yellow when you want to dress in gold. You always listen to head instead of your heart, if you always listen you’ll never know. I wish that things were different you know that. I’m still happy for the times we had, you mean the world to me . I wish you strength, when times are hard, losing it is tearing me apart, but a part of me will be with you no matter where you are. I wish that every star you see is within your reach. I love my best friends, and I don’t know what I would do without her. My right hand, my strength, my eyes when I can’t see, my sister, my listening ears, my shopping buddy, tsomeone to go to the movies with, someone to cry with till we get a head ache, someone to laugh with on the phone just hearing each others laugh till 11 oclock at night, someone to tell me when I picked a really cute outfit to wear, someone who understands me better than anyone else, someone who knows me better than I know myself, someone to have a scarp book with, someone to go to north Carolina with, someone to trust, someone to be honest with, someone to care for me, someone to love me, someone whom I can tell anything to, someone whom I can share anything with, someone I’ve grown up with since I was 4, someone I will continue to grow up with, someone who means the world to me and Iw ouldn’t know what I would do without, someone who in a way is my world, someone who shares a friendship with me that no one else in this world could ever have, someone who gets me, someone who stays up all night talking with me, someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway, someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out, someone who you know their house like the back of your hand, someone who sees the best in you, someone who sees no bad,s omeone who most of all you love, and couldn’t live without. My best friend. Pappy. For the crap….I don’t know. Don’t really care. It’s just…simply that..crap. I hope you had the time of you’re life.
2 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 7 January :: 2.10 pm
*snow day* yay! Happy 17th Birthday Katie Jo!!!! I love you!!!!!! <3 Jess
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 5 January :: 9.18 pm
irkjerlkjasdlfkjasldjfalksfj Could today get any fucking worse?
I'm heartless..... would you rather have me wait longer?!?
fjalkdjflkajsdflk it's none of anyone's god damn business anyway! kdjfklasjdflk;ajsdf
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 2 January :: 3.23 pm
d o y o u
HAVE A BAD HABIT? of course, who doens't.
LIKE TO DRIVE?: I LOVEEEEE to drive
f a v o r i t e s
TV SHOW: will and grace, the oc, friends, my wife and kids, real world, south park, and true life.
CONDITIONER: so sexy from victorias secret lol i luv it it smells yummy
BOOK: a walk to remember
MAGAZINE: ym or seventenn
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: orange juice
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: hang out with friends, movies, anything fun.
h a v e y o u
BROKEN THE LAW: of course not.....
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: lol tryed
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: once with Jess,a nd once on my own
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: ehh at jess's, will never do it again
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: pshh, no, that's gross.
USED YOUR PARENTS CREDIT CARD: yes
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: oh yes. mostly w/ pappy
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: lol not that I recall
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: yes, most of the time I end up cryin too
l o v e
BOYFRIEND: Yes
GIRLFRIEND: um no
CHILDREN: nope, but someday
CURRENT CRUSH: ...
BEEN IN LOVE?: nope
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: yup
BEEN HURT?: yup
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: if only....
GONE OUT WITH SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: haha collin
r a n d o m
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: bah no
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: blink 182
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: baby blue with sparklez, of course!!! :)
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: lots of things, espically my puppy pepper
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: that's mean to just say names...so ill pass
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: whatever cd I decided to get lol...
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?:ughh wow, Jess, Kate, Katie Jo, Linds, Cass, Shea, And, Kevin, Kevin, Caleb, Ang, Katy,JD, Katie, Amanda, Susan, caleb, Tyler, Tyler, Will, Heather, Kendra, Jamie, Collin, Brie, Jon, Devon, wowwwwwwwww, Adie, Josh, Britt, Tay, Korey, Mikki, Hiedi, list goes on....dont want to list them all sorry
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: talk to people, go places, you know
w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t
THING YOU PURCHASED: clothes
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: Real World
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: The one with Jack Nicholes, about old ppl falling in love! yea...funny, but gross..
1 comment |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 2 January :: 2.07 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Jo Dee Masinas-I wish
~*~ blah blah blah is all I hear when you speak~*~
Me and Jess are good now, but really when have we ever stayed mad at each other longer than a few hours? Lol not that common. But yeah I’m relieved about that. Nothing sucks more than fighting with you’re best friend.
For the other thing…I dunno I’ve talked to a few peoeple about it, got some good advice, got some bad advice. As what to do, I shouldn’t really be asking other people, because it’s up to me, and should only be in my hands. So I guess we’ll just see what happens. I’m sure it’ll be fine though.
…I still feel really distant. But this has happened quiet a few times, and when I finally say something, I work it all up in my mind what to say, and what to do but even if it does happen that way, and even if I say what I planned on saying, and add a little in for the moment….it doesn’t matter because he says he’s sorry blah blah blah, but nothing changes. And it kills more than he knows to see we can’t even carry out a conversation anymore, that I’m lost in his world, and he’s lost in mine. Sometimes…ughh I just wish that things weren’t the way they are. I want to be able to go back to telling all, to tell him everything but I highly doubt with things the way they are, it will be that way. And even though it should, it hasn’t. It won’t. What’s the point….I lost a best friend. That’s all there is to it….
Anywase….yeah I think I’m going to Shannon’s tonight for a little get together. Should be fun. Always is. That’s all.
Love, Jessi Lynn
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2004 1 January :: 9.53 pm
Wow ....everyone's really getting to me. Umm me and my best friend are fighting. Umm... I feel like me and my other best friend aren't even best friend's anymore, you know that's always great... wow sometimes he makes me feel shitty, umm...yea I dont know about that anymore...just sometimes ugh jadjfalksjflkasjf GOD DAMMIT!!! dfjkadjfakjdflkj wow I just feel like crying. That's what Kate and Will are for, yea goodbye.
8 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2003 22 November :: 9.04 pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Dierks Bently-My last name
lah lah lah
Wow I'm really bored. Just sitting around. First I was supouse to go to the play, but my mom said that we were going to Aley's basketball tournament for Hillsdale, over at Grand Valley. Then she doesn't tell me that were not going because they lost and didn't make it to finals so we couldn't go watch her game at 7. Then I wanted to go see Cat in the Hat, but that didn't work out with anyone. So yeah...now I'm just sitting here. wishing I could drive so I could go pick them up so we could see Cat in the Hat or Gothika! Because I really wanna see both. Tomorrow I think I'm gonna pull a back to back and see both. Lol fun times right Jess.
Yeah so I want it really bad. I don't know how to get it either. bah akdfjadlkfj
Call me if you want it'll keep me..."un-bored" lol <3 Jess
1 comment |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2003 22 November :: 4.32 pm
Everyone go too http://woohu.com/~HumbleKisses
and add me. New journal, make sure you look at the backround it took me forever!
<3 Jess
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2003 20 November :: 7.24 pm
This is my favorite song in the entire world! yay! I love it! Makes me cry...but still great song
A hundred days have made me older, since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
They disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight, there’s only you and me
The miles just keep rolling as the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that this gets better as we go
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there’s only you and me
Everything I know, and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there’s only you and me
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
but tonight girl, there’s only you and me
*tear* <3 Jess
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2003 20 November :: 6.50 pm
:: Mood: relieved
:: Music: 3 doors down-Here without you
Yay!
Me and Mark are good, wow that's so reliving, you don't even know. akdjfkajfkajdf yay!
2 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2003 19 November :: 11.00 pm
so what now...I don't know. I've lost two, not one. What's next....?
1 comment |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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2003 19 November :: 6.02 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: 3 doors down-Here without you
Nothing lasts forever
Hmm…where do I start? Let’s see, my love life seems good. Well there’s been a long list of guys I’ve really, truthfully liked this year. Not long as in even over 10, but around there. Every time it seems to be working out, and then something, not going to go into detail…happens. Something that could be avoidable, but clearly due to certain circumstances isn’t. Things happen, and I when I think about it, guys aren’t really what I need to be focusing on. I mean it’d be nice if I found someone who I could be with and be myself around and have a relationship with. Someone who could make every day totally worth it, but I’m not rushing. I’m still a teenager, I’m only a sophmore in high school, and even though I am growing up, it’s going to be here sooner than I know it, so why not just enjoy being a kid, and having the option of screwing up every now and then and just being a kid like I’m supouse to be, while I have the chance, rather than taking on the responsabilty of trying to be an adult right now. Now is the time I’m going to look back on when I am grown up, and I want to make sure I look back on the good stuff, not the bad. So I want to make everything fun, everything good, and not worry or care too much because that’s how you get hurt all the time. And there’s no point when what you think you’re getting hurt and upset over isn’t really anything important at all. Because in the end, it all doesn’t matter. When you’re in college, or married, or have kids, and have a job, and a house, and cars, ect to worry about is it really going to matter who you sat with at lunch, or who you dated for a month or two? Yes it will matter determining wether or not you look back on the good times or the bad, but it wont really matter. That make not make sense to most of you, but to me and the couple I want to understand, I’m sure you do.
Sometimes you lose friends, but… it’s going to happen. I’ve got some of the best friends in the world, and I know that even though we have rough times, the ones I really need, will always be there, and that’s what keeps me going, and that’s what matters to me. That’s what makes me happy, my friends. lol you don’t even know.
So sometimes goodbye is goodbye, and you just have to let go of things that even at one point may have brought you a lot of happiness, that are more so bringing you down. If you can’t fix something, there’s no point in keeping on trying when it’s just making you more un-happy. And that’s just how I look at it.
I generally have a million reasons to be happy, and when things aren’t going my way, that’s what I need to remember.
So this is how I feel about everything going on in my life right now. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, like I always do. I’ve come to the conclusion that high school is high school, and as much as you don’t want the dumb thing of teenage life to be involved like all the gossip and choosing bad people to be friends with, all the drama and heart break, it will still happen. There isn’t much you can do about it, except just accept it, make the best of it, and just get over it, because that’s what makes looking back at the old times so good.
Love Always xoxoxo <3 Jess
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You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.. |
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