sdfhalsdfasdjfklasdjf
grrr last night....shannon called me...lots of crying. This is so messed up dfjasdkfjaklsdfjkasdjf

seriosuly....every fucking time! EVERY FUCKING TIME! I'M SO SICK OF IT!!!! I don't want to deal with this shit anymore. djfajsdfajsdfkjasdfklj grrrrrrrrrrr

I hate when people lead you to believe one thing and then go tell other people something else. I also hate when people lie to me and when people are ...sdfkasdklfjaskldfj

First it was with one guy, then him, then him, and now him. She always fucking get's in the way! fjalskdjfklajsdfkajsdfklajsdfk
This is so messed up, he tells me one thing, and then I find out something else.

How can you even fucking like someone you dont even know. It's so messed up, I don't get it, I don't get anything. ksjdfajsdfkajsdf
I'm so sick of everything, you have no idea. Nothing ever goes right, and I doubt it will. The only thing that makes me happy is paps!

kdjfkasjfkasjfjasdfkjsdfjsdjf WHAT THE HELL IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDS ANYWAY. Guys are so faksjdfajsdfkjdkfj asdkjfasjdf and it isn't just one of them, it's ALL of them. My Lord!

*calm down Jess* adjfaklsjdfklajsdflkajdf yeah I'm going to go to the game w/ Jess now, later

Jess

so much more to it than all that simple stuff
Today was a long boring day. Nothing really great about it, but nothing really terriable about it, besides the fact that I think I really messed it up this time. I'll deal.

heh, he's a sweet kid, things are definatly looking up. :) <3 Jess

Why did I do that? I'm so dumb, adlkfjalkfj !!!Why are people so dumb?!?!?
Yesterday I have to say, was a great day. I really haven't had such a great day....all year basically. I got to school and Devon rushes to give me ballons and a card, then I get to the top of the stairs and there is *everyone* lol waiting, and it was so sweet. Emily got me flowers, and I got a bunch of cards, the Katie's got me presents, Jess got me a really cute thing to hold pictures of me and her, and she baked me cupcakes (you're so sweet pappy ;) then my brother, kevin, and tom put my backround and a happy birthday sign on for the morning annoucments, can't say I was too happy about that one at first, more like extremly embarssed. But it was very sweet, and it's the thought that counts. Then everyone sang happy birthday to me in 5th hour, and then Mitch brought me home, and I thought he was gonna let me drive lol...but he didn't. Then I had to re-plan the whole party thing that was going on for the night, cos the bowling alley all had leauges except for Sparta but they didn't open up for public till 8:30 so me, Kevin, and mitch were just planning on still going. So after I called everyone and told them we were just gonna meet at the movies to see Elf, I started getting ready and then when I have half the side of my head curled, and the other half like a big friz ball Mitch and Kevin show up at my house lol and so I made them go pick up cass cos she needed a ride and I needed to finish getting ready, then they picked me up and we left. Farell was already there , then Jess and collin came, then Sischo, then the rest of them like Caleb, Devon, Lindsey, Emily, and Shannon later. I was really bummed that we didn't get to go bowling, cos sitting in a thearter doesn't really give you time to talk to any of you're friends. and I really wanted to talk w/ everyone and take pictures, but oh-well there's always my party so yeah. So after the movie hehe I got to drive :) wooo Mitch was next to me and Kev, sischo, and Farell were in the back seat, but no biggie, I'm a good driver ;) So all in all I had a pretty damn good day, thanx for you guys that came, I had a lot of fun!

Today though...sucks! The only good part was the 2-hour Delay, I was really tiered because I talked to Jess on the phone till about midnight, so I needed the extra hour and a half to sleep in.

yeah....I did something really stupid today, and I need to learn to just keep my mouth shut, because the more I spill about how I feel the more crap I get myself into, and the more I end up losing. I don't know though, I needed to say it because that's how I feel, and ... it was driving me crazy, but now...things are messed up, and wierd and I don't want them to be that way. I don't know what I'm supouse to do though, because that's how I feel and ....I just don't know what to do to make it ok..I guess. I don't know why I thought that it would work out the way I wanted too, maybe because I .. really feel something this time, I really feel like it could be something that would make me really happy, and make my problems just disapear, but how can I not see that what I want still wants what they already had? I guess I should have just understood that, just been understanding and gotten over how I felt, but you know what? That's really hard to do when you care a lot about them. adkfjalkjdflakjsfkajdf I don't know what to do, or what to say anymore. I should just forget about it.
fajdflkajfkjafd I'm so frustrated and honestly...that was the only time when I didn't really think about my problems, was talking to ..... yeah . I just grrr...i'm so dumb, why I said that today I don't know adkjfaskjfaljflakjf nothing's going to happen now, djfaljdfklajdf forget it!

I love all of you who went last night, espically the 4 who were willing to drive w/ me! ;) <3 Jess

What to think what to do?
A lot of things are rushing thew my mind lately. Espically after tonight. I've had one of the worse days, I am sick of bad days. You don't even know.

First I had to wake up at 5 just to get ready to go *back* to the hospital to get more tests, and getting blood taken makes you pretty damn tiered, so it was a struggle to stay awake all day.

Then Corbin....people using it to make it about themself'es, poeple who didn't even know him, pisses me off. Pray for the family and friends that really need it. akjdflajdflakjsfd Brings back all the memories of Penny. fkjad;fa;klhfa

I really like him, I really do....ah adjfkajdflkajsdfkjasfj I dunno what to do. I really don't, eerytime I'm around him....or talk to him....everything's just...ok. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Tomorrow' my birthday, Mitch and Kevin are taking me bowling baby! fun times! lol Happy 15 to me! yup, 15...not 16 lol happy 15!!! lol

<3 Jess

What is all comes down to
Emily, I love her so much! She's like one of thee *only* people I can talk to about this "guy" issue I have, cos she's the only one who really understands, cos she's there, she's in the exact same shoes that I'm in. And I love how she's so understanding and how sweet she is. I really can see us being really close, she's so easy too talk to, and so understanding.
This weekend was so much fun, Friday I went to Shea's and me linds Kate and Jess all hung out and we basically hung out at Reed's, played with his kids in the yard all night, till they went to bed, then the teachers got drunk, left the Jack Daniel's in the driveway, alone with us, haha NOT A GOOD IDEA lol and then we tped a bunch of people and me and shea went around writting "Go State" with Green chalk in all the Michigan fan's a.k.a. Mr. reed's Driveway, and then those stupid fuckers lost the game! lol I was so pissed, oh-well Michigan just got lucky! There's always another game!
Then I went over to Jess's and hung out with her and Collin, plans got screwed up on my part, but I was still good

What is all comes down to
Emily, I love her so much! She's like one of thee *only* people I can talk to about this "guy" issue I have, cos she's the only one who really understands, cos she's there, she's in the exact same shoes that I'm in. And I love how she's so understanding and how sweet she is. I really can see us being really close, she's so easy too talk to, and so understanding.
This weekend was so much fun, Friday I went to Shea's and me linds Kate and Jess all hung out and we basically hung out at Reed's, played with his kids in the yard all night, till they went to bed, then the teachers got drunk, left the Jack Daniel's in the driveway, alone with us, haha NOT A GOOD IDEA lol and then we tped a bunch of people and me and shea went around writting "Go State" with Green chalk in all the Michigan fan's a.k.a. Mr. reed's Driveway, and then those stupid fuckers lost the game! lol I was so pissed, oh-well Michigan just got lucky! There's always another game!
Then I went over to Jess's and hung out with her and Collin, plans got screwed up on my part, but I was still good

Things are clearing up
heh well things are good all around, I'm pretty happty, cos I know even if they don't go how I *really* want them too, they'll still be good! heheheheheheheh

YAY!

GO STATE!!!!! heh <3 Jess