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m&ms487
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2009 1 November :: 11.54pm
To a Friend
by Amy Lowell
I ask but one thing of you, only one,
That always you will be my dream of you;
That never shall I wake to find untrue
All this I have believed and rested on,
Forever vanished, like a vision gone
Out into the night. Alas, how few
There are who strike in us a chord we knew
Existed, but so seldom heard its tone
We tremble at the half-forgotten sound.
The world is full of rude awakenings
And heaven-born castles shattered to the ground,
Yet still our human longing vainly clings
To a belief in beauty through all wrongs.
O stay your hand, and leave my heart its songs!
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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gillette
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2009 22 October :: 1.26am
so i found out a few weeks ago that my old friend dan had called my house looking for me. my dad told him that i had a boyfriend (which dan already knows) and that it would be best if he didn't call me. apparently he said he had gotten a new phone number and wanted to give it to me. i haven't talked to him in like a year.
i was like his only friend. the only one who understood him, or listened to him and made him feel better about himself. i think i have a slight attachment to him because he was in the same place my dad is and he has overcome it and works through it every day. i'm not sure if he's still sober, but when i last talked to him like a year ago, he was. i hope he still is.
i do miss his friendship, and it brings tears to my eyes that my dad did that.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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m&ms487
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2009 14 October :: 7.19pm
I'm sitting in the library on this computer waiting to go to a reading by Jeffrey Bean on his new works titled "Diminished Fifth."
I'm debating whether or not to go up to the reading room and sit down with the French "Elle" and see if I can figure out what they're talking about..but that usually just gives me a headache.
French was cancelled today and I did not go to Physical Science. I stayed at home and baked all day: Lemon Bars, Apple Pie, and Chocolate Chip Muffins.
It was nice to have a day off. Recently I've been spending 12-16 days on campus. I don't like those days.
Ca Va.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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gillette
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2009 14 October :: 5.44pm
Next semster I'm taking..
CDO 439=3
CDO 402=2
CDO 494=3
ASL 201=3
HDF 307=3
hmm on my way to graduation! kind of..
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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gillette
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2009 14 October :: 12.40am
so. i've realized that life isn't that great unless you are with the ones you love. i can fill it with superficial acts like working, walking, class, eating. but, it's not worth it in the end. i know i need to go to school to get a job and do the career i want to do, but i'd rather just be with him. i'd rather just be surrounded by love. it trumps everything else.
everything around me is fake. i long for what's actually true in my life, what actually means something deep to me. it's painful to get out of bed, go to class and suffer the monotony of the day without him. i have to force myself to do the things i need to do, there is nothing i want to do. i don't want to go to work. i don't want to go to class. but without these things, i would just lie in my bed and stare at nothing. my life would become useless.
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i am over burdened by my family's suffering. i cannot handle it anymore. because i've realized that i can do nothing about it, it's out of my hands, i have to back away from it all. my dad has no desire to be happy, no desire to change. my mom is depressed. they are frozen in that house. literally. and i can't do anything. i sit here in my room, feeling cozy, and they are shivering. it breaks my heart, but i can't let it anymore. but that thought just seems so cruel.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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.j.e.s.s.
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2009 7 October :: 6.20pm
couple things bugging me...
i feel like people lie to me
i feel like people are fake
apparently there are 3 cases of swine flu at my school but they dont tell anyone????
annoyed.
1 comment |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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gillette
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2009 28 September :: 1.38pm
realizing how lonely and empty my world is.
realizing something is seriously wrong with me. can you have alzheimers at 21?! i don't understand why i'm so forgetful all the time, and about really important things. i write them in my agenda, on my dry erase board..but i still forget.
1 comment |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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gillette
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2009 25 September :: 1.18am
what should i get jake for his birthday?
i want to get him something special since i never get to see him anymore.
hm.
2 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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m&ms487
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2009 22 September :: 8.29pm
Dear French Verbs,
I hate conjugating you. Especially when you're irregular. Take some fiber, geez.
Love,
Michelle
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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m&ms487
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2009 17 September :: 8.20pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Norouet
So, Wheatland was good. I discovered a band that I absolutely love. They are called De Temps Antan and play traditional French-Canadian music. I didn't actually get one of their CD's because the guy at the booth told me that the two I got were their CD's, but it turns out they are different members of the band in different bands. Ugh. It's alright though, the one I'm listening to right now is quite relaxing. Guitars, flutes, violins and such.
Everything has been super busy. I got a new little in Kappa Kappa Psi on Sunday. Her name is Shanique and I absolutely adore her. I can't wait to help her develop her potential within the group. I loved helping my other little, Dave, but he already knew everyone, was already a part of another music fraternity and was well versed in leadership. Plus, he is older than me. Shanique is a sophomore. Tonight is her first business meeting and I am giving her her BIT binder. So exciting!
French has been going well. I got a 76 on the first exam, which was exactly the average of the class, so it wasn't that bad. It's about what I got on my first exam in French last semester. We have another exam coming up and an oral exam. I need to work on my articles. AHHH!
I'm listening to a song in French that's talking about dreaming during the night....hmm.. can't understand much more than that.
I'm also taking a Linguistics course which is SUPER difficult. I took it for fun as an elective; that was a mistake. It's good to know these things about language, but it's really hard to transcribe words into the IPA then figure out where the syllables are and then figure out which syllables are stressed and do it all correctly. I'm not evening going into phonemic and morphemic inventories...
Two semesters after this, hopefully, and then what? Je ne sais pas!
1 comment |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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gillette
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2009 14 September :: 11.37pm
Going to Hell
well folks, it's true. i'm going to hell. since i have not accepted god's grace and accepted jesus christ into my heart, i am damned to the fiery depths below. don't pray for me, that won't help. it will only help if i conform to the beliefs of christianity b/c i am afraid of what will happen if i don't. and that sure as hell isn't going to happen.
no matter what i do, how i treat others or live my life, i will suffer. forever and ever and ever.
1 comment |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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.j.e.s.s.
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2009 10 September :: 10.39pm
does anyone know why when i connect to my home network on my blackberry- it says i'm connected and everything but my browser wont let me open any pages?
1 comment |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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gillette
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2009 10 September :: 1.34am
school
i'm so exhausted by all of this. i hate being anxious ALL the time. my major is KILLING ME. not the classes, i love them and i mean i do well in them, but it's the GIRLS! they drive my fucking insane. i'm so stressed about all of this. my major is sooooooooooooooooooo competative. like on a scale of 1 to 10 it's a 50. you all know i'm laid back, quiet etc..and NOT all up in professors faces and a suck up. i listen, i do my work, i study i get good grades. but it's not enough. and EVERY fucking time i think of doing something that will help 'set me apart' everyyyyyone else starts doing it. i volunteer somewhere, low and behold everyone else does it too. i join nsshla ( at $60 a year cost, it's the nation student speech hearing language assocation) i knew THAT would really set me apart b/c you get professional journals and crap and nobody really knows about it, welllllllllllllll not now!!!!! practically EVERYONE found out about it, and every fing girl in my classes are like 'did you joing nsshla?' 'i joined nsshla' 'like omg! i can add that on my resume lol rofl omg' blah blah blah fuckedty blah. SHUT UP! all of you!!! WARRRRRGARRBLLLLLLLLLLLL. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i can't handle this!!!!!!! it's too fucking stressful. worrying EVERYDAY and hearing all these dumb bitches, 'i volunteered here, i went to dr. so and sos office hours and blah blah blah' shut up just freaking shutp up. you all drive me insane and you are all causing my life immmmmeasurable amounts of stress/anxiety.
what can i honestly do to help myself? i raise my hand more, i try to do it at least once a class period, but like 10 girls raise their hands ten times..i go to a professsors office hours once a week, they go TWICE. i can't keep up!!! it's a'lsdkf j;sjdfaosidfasjkdfh al what do i do ?! i love this major and i want to do it, but these girls are giving me a heart attack.
their voices. complaining, yapping, bragging, tweeet tweet yip yap yapp yappppp shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut uppppppppppppppppppppp
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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gillette
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2009 8 September :: 1.35am
:: Music: avril lavigne~slipped away
my grandpa
so my grandpa passed away yesterday morning.
he survived for 14 DAYS with no food or water. FOURTEEN! the nurses/doctors etc could not believe he was still alive. he held on THAT long. it makes me wonder if he really wanted to go, or if he just was such a tough guy, that he held out for as long as he could.
he was diagnosed with lewy body dimentia and alzheimers about 6 years ago. he went from forgetting where he put his shoes, to being unable to keep his head up, or feed himself. he eventually went into a nursing home (against his dismay)..he would cry when his wife would try to take him there, but she couldn't take care of him..he always fell and my dad would have to drive over there to help connie get him up. a couple months ago, he turned 79 and when my dad went to visit him, he stil knew who my dad was although he really couldn't move or do any motor function at all. before he passed, he just layed there and moaned in pain b.c he had such severe bed sores. the doctors said they were the worst they'd ever seen. soo, they could either perform surgery, or let him pass b/c he couldn't eat anymore without a feeding tube and he had to get nutrients through an IV.
he hung in there for two weeks. i know that he wasn't using any calories because he wasn't moving...but still, i thought nobody could even live for a few days without water.
the funeral is this thursday. :/ i will miss him so much.
1 comment |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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