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m&ms487

:: 2008 19 July :: 8.22pm

There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2008 16 July :: 7.32am

I am not married yet. Just so everyone knows.

I want to find a new job soooo bad. I hate it here. I've only been here for 45 mins so far today, haven't seen another soul since we are always so slow, and it seems like I've been here for hours. It may seem like an ok job since I am able to sit here and use my phone to write on woohu but believe me- I would rather have any more stimulating job. Time goes by so slow. We work alone ughh I hate it here.

But I can't start looking for another job because we are so up in the air about moving to florida.

1 comment | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..


m&ms487

:: 2008 5 July :: 1.29pm

I'm about to leave for work; it's the last day in my forty hour work week. I have the next three days off.

I didn't get the big scholarship and I'm still waiting to hear on the two smaller ones; but it doesn't matter, anyhow. I'm still going to have to work this school year. Now I'm trying to amass hours so I can qualify for vacation. I have to work at least thirty six hours a week until the 26th. I only have thirty hours next week.

Rueben's been working most nights, I've been working mids. It's hard. I shaved my legs and my ankle is throbbing from the razor cut. Ugh. I have to wear a skirt to work again because it's so warm. I hate wearing a skirt. It makes people treat you different. I don't know how, don't ask for any examples or evidence...it just does.

Waiting for my phone to charge for a few minutes, then leaving. I'll be at work until 11 tonight. Feel free to stop by and get a price adjustment or a lottery ticket.

I'm impecunious and I can't do anything about it.

[curious now, aren't you.]

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2008 2 July :: 11.35am

Omg roman and I went to canada last night with some friends and we got hitched!!!! So now im mrs garcia nice ta meetcha. Lol we are still there woo I love canada. The chapel was gorgous and the carriage ride in my cute summer dress and romans tux was romantic. Our priest told us that he just KNEW we would be together forever. We said our vows and got to ride away afyerwards in a beautiful gondala under a small bridge.
Ro got me a 3 carat diamond band.wow he amazes me more and more with each day. It took my breath away! So tomorrow we are working out the details to move to hawaii in our friend rob's aunts old house she is letting us rent for 100 a month. Wow. We are getting a loan for the tickets and leaving in 4 days. Yay im gonna be a badass surfer. The house is 2 stories with a basement newly remodeled everything and they are leaving all the furniture so we don't have to worry. Rob is moving into our apt with danielle so they are taking our lease. Everything is working out so perfectly. God musthave answered our prayers. But I guess I do deserve it. I am a really great person and I never lie or act mean. Everyone knows this. I am never decietful and I treat everyone with respect. I also like to compromise and not be bossy ever. Those are probaly just a few reasons why He's preforming his great miracle on us. While we are down there a couple months from now we are joining a missionary group that robs aunt was a part of and traveling to cambodia to build houses and maybe heal a leper or two. Ha Oh not really but who knows. Roman really suprised me with all these plans but I guess I should just learn to expect greatness from the worlds most perfect, selfless, kind, giving, wonderful, beautiful, nurturing, wonderous, magical, whimsical man on THE PLANET EARTH.

Well we are headed to niagra falls then home so I had better go.
Signed,
Mrs. Garcia-Wilde

17 comment..choose the best time | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..


m&ms487

:: 2008 1 July :: 8.12pm

No ten thousand dollar scholarship for me.

Now I just get to wait on those other two as I brace myself for another school year working at Meijer and wanting to go crazy.

Well, not wanting...actually going crazy.

I went shopping with my mom and my grandma today; went to valueland and bath and body works and all kinds of fun places.

I picked out a few cute tops and a new suit coat for ceremonies and performances because my old one doesn't fit anymore.

By the way, I've lost 50 pounds in the past year.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..


m&ms487

:: 2008 30 June :: 8.26am

Today is the day they notify the recipients of the ten thousand dollar scholarship.

oh hell.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2008 29 June :: 12.51pm

I don't know why bc I have not always felt this way but lately I am like obsessing about getting a tattoo. I really really want one. I know for sure I would get one if I was skinnier but right now im not sure. Ugh its driving me nuts tho I really think I want one

4 comment..choose the best time | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2008 29 June :: 10.59am

Well had to get up at 6 again to drive in the rain to ameeting an hour away in spring lake and now here I am at work. Thank god for my new phone with internet. I ws so tired on the drive there and back I was completly almost sleeping my eyes refuused to stay open. In any other circumstances I would have pilled over and rested but if I miss the meeting I get taken off the schedule for a month and if ii miss work I get fired. Grrrrr.

Today I am just going to take some time for me when I get out of work at 3. Gotta go to the mall to return something and buy some shorts. I still have to work the next 3 days but im gonna try to make the best of today. Lately everything has been sooo stressful I can hardly take it. I might quit the jw ..well no prob not but I might just try to set a schedule with them. Im tired and I just want to enjoy summer and the break from school while I have it and so far I have not been able to do that at all.

1 comment | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2008 27 June :: 11.48pm

I really can't do this anymore I am too tired. I just got out of work at 11pm and now I have to be at my other job at 6:30am tomorrow. I an so exhausted. My last day off was monday and I don't have my next day off until thursday of next wk and even then im not positive ill have that off cuz jw marriott mifht still schedule me that day. I really can't do this. I don't deal well with stress abd then on top of it when I have to deal with how NOTHING Ever gets done around my house unless I doit it makes the stress worse. Im so sick of this shit.

Well guess I better get to sleep I have to get up at 5:40 tomorrow morning ufhghhgghghghhgggggggggg

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..


m&ms487

:: 2008 25 June :: 12.47pm

It rained for a while earlier. It was wonderful to hear the droplets pound the cement and create little rivers in the growing grass.

I worked last night until 11, and I'm leaving for work in about an hour to do it again. I worked 38 hours last week and I have 37 and a half this week. I'm at work all the time, but I'm trying to increase my fringe hours (an average of how many hours you work per day for the entire year) so that I can actually get paid vacation and days off. My anniversary date is July 26, so I have to get my fringe up by then, thus I'm working my ass off, not taking lunches to get that extra half an hour on days where I'm not working a full eight, stuff like that.

But, it is leading some nice paychecks. Unfortunately, my first rent payment is due in a few days which all but depletes the savings I've stashed away the past few months. A day in the life...

I'm still waiting to hear on three scholarship opportunities. All should be announced within the next week or so. Although I'm financially set as far as financial aid, I would really like to refuse one or both of the loans that I was awarded if I got one or two of the scholarships. I would also like to not have to work next school year because of all the responsibilities I've taken on...but I doubt that'll happen.

The Inferno has gone by the wayside; now I'm purusing the Dictionary of Literary Terms and Literary Criticism while on breaks at work. It's quite informative, and since I'm taking a very prestigious class next semester with a very intelligent professor, I figure it will serve me well to know the difference between the meaning of classicism depending on the century, and all the different forms of Comedy, especially the Spanish ones.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..


m&ms487

:: 2008 23 June :: 2.19pm

I made hummus today. It was yummy.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..


m&ms487

:: 2008 21 June :: 6.46pm

Reading the text of Dante's Inferno with the original and translated text side by side makes me want to learn Italian.

And then I remember that I haven't even taken French 101 yet.

Why does language have to be so ambiguous and random!?!

2 comment..choose the best time | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..


m&ms487

:: 2008 20 June :: 5.51pm

I just feel so tired. My day off, and I feel tired.

I guess that's what happens when...

whatever.

I'm analyzing the previous poem more in depth. It's quite depressing, and I feel like I'm missing something. I think Eliot's trying to say that he's an atheist, and if there is a god, we're really fucked.

Me too.

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..


m&ms487

:: 2008 18 June :: 11.47pm

Dear Student,

At this time the awarding of the Bulletin Scholarships has been completed. Unfortunately, you were not selected for a scholarship awarded by the Office of Scholarships and Financial Aid (OSFA) for the 2008-2009 academic year. There were over 475 applicants this year and only 147 received a scholarship. We will keep your application on file and will consider you for additional scholarships that may become available. Please apply again in March 2009 if you are not graduating in May.

We wish you continued success as you pursue your educational goals.

Sincerely,

Judith Boyd
Assistant Director
Scholarships and Financial Aid



Okay, so if a 3.95 GPA can't get me any academic scholarships in this country, what am I suppose to do!?!

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..


m&ms487

:: 2008 15 June :: 10.28pm
:: Mood: complacent

It's late and I'm extremely exhausted; yet, I cannot, will not sleep. My body will not rest, so I am up, and writing. I am here.

I was reviewing some of my anthologies of literature as I often do upon trying to sleep. I flip through the pages and catch words, lines, sometimes whole stanzas or paragraphs of immortalized words and tonight I happened across one of the most depressing, yet insightful poems written in the modern period. It is T.S. Eliot's "The Hollow Men."

It seems like this time in the world-this time in my life with which I can view the world-fits into this piece so well. It talks about the fall of man because of what mankind has become: weak cowards. Eliot likens men to scarecrows in the desert that have no eyes and can only whisper meaningless things; their only hope is death.


I.
We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
We shipser together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry glass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us-if at all-not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.

II.
Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death's dream kingdom
These do not appera:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
IN the wind's singing
More distand and more solemn
Than a fading star.

Let me be no nearer
In death's dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer-

Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom

III.
This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, her they recive
The supplication of a dead man's hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this
In death's other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.

IV.

The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms

In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death's twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.

V.

Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.


Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom
Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
Life is very long
Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom
For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.


1925


Eliot says "This is the dead land" because we aren't living, and as much as we want to repent and "[tremble] with tenderness," we are only forming "prayers to broken stone," the same stone Eliot reveals that only exist because of the "supplication" of mankind's hands. We worship what we make, but prayers don't help any when you worship false ideals and material wealth made in hopes of becoming whole again that were made by corrupt hands. The act of the prayer can't even be completed because it can only be formed by the lips of the dead man who cannot speak; prayer that is nothing more than whispers that are "quiet and meaningless."

The whole effect? The futility of life, the cowardice of man, the corruption of man, inability to speak or see, the only possibly redeption and hope in man's death or nonexistence, the "shadow" of corruption in which we ruin everything that is good and pure in the world, man's inability to end his world "not with a band but a whimper."

Many times I feel this. Many times I see this.

1 comment | You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..

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