just_peachie
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2007 15 October :: 11.48pm
:: Mood: exhausted
so I was stumbling like a fool across the internet, bored with facebook and myspace, and all of a sudden, out of no where, it hits me smack in the forehead: WOOHU!
So I feebly remembered my password, logged on, and started to read. So many memories, so many lost friends, so much evidence as to how immature I was...:/ Really. Although, in high school I apparently had a larger vocabulary and was a tad more witty in how I structured my sentences. Meh.
The times may have changed, the people are different, and the situations altered, but undoubtedly, there is still issues with life. And undoubtedly, they will be posted here from now on. I heard it was good for the soul to release the tension through paper, or the keyboard. I need to be eased, starting tomorrow. The wine is kicking in and I have class at 8.
Until tomorrow,
Amylynn
3 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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m&ms487
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2007 15 October :: 7.28pm
Woohu.
IS.
BACK...
I thought I was going to die.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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m&ms487
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2007 12 October :: 11.38am
It's a slow day on my friends page....I'm a bit disappointed, guys. I don't get to watch soaps because I'm in class.....I need entertainment somehow!!!
Anyway.
I'm heading home in about an hour for Charlie's wedding. It's going to be grand. I just cleaned the apartment and my room, and I just have to wash the rest of the dirty dishes and clean Patrick's bowl.
I don't know. It's just been so busy, and there is stuff in my head, but I haven't had time to think about it....
[edit] I have a craving for sushi. Yes.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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.j.e.s.s.
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2007 11 October :: 12.33am
Tonight roman and i went out to east beltline- got coffee at beaners and then went into pet supplies plus and saw these bunnies and the woman let me hold one and then let roman hold the other and they were these dwarf bunnies and we want one really bad. i know that's bad- our apt is going to be all gross with pets but not really but we want one becaue they were so adorable and the woman said that they can be litter box trained and stuff and that they are good pets and you can let them out and hop around and stuff.
so yeah i duno. we might get a bunny i think.
and then we looked at halloween costumes . but we need to find something fun to do on halloween before we go and buy the costumes becaues they are expensive.
but if we do go somewhere we want to look all cute and costumey.
annnd then we went to the IMAX and saw transformers. i had never been there before so it was pretty neat. it was making me a little nauseous though because it is so big and stuff.
and other than that, i want to quit school because seriously i am doing really horrible and i studied hard and thought i did quite well on that last test and i did awful. i'm so pissed. at myself, at the class, at davenport, at the test. they are horrible tests. they are hard and confusing and stupid.
ugh
but seriously i don't want to be a fricken failure. i want to have a career. i dont want to just be a little housewife with kids. i mean, seriously- i dont care if it sounds pathetic to some people but that is my number one thing i look forward to - i look foward to having a family and raising our kids and being the perfect mother and wife. that is number one on my list and always will be but i reallly feel like i won't feel like i accomplished as much as i could have. i'll feel like i failed or like i didn't reach my potential. like... i have to have a CAREER too. at some point. you know? my mom regrets it so much and i don't want to have that same regret.
I hate school so much though. and i honestly really really don't have any idea what i would be good at.
but i'm shadowing this guy's that my dad knows daughter. ( i know i wrote that all wrong i dont care right now) and she is a nurse so i guess i'll find out then if i could handle it or not. which i know i probably can't. ughghghghgh hwhatever.
and anyway i like midnite sun and cruise and getting tan and sexy now if only i could get myself to start fricken working out . seriously. i need to get serious about that. i really really do. i just feel like a moron in front of all those muscley guys. eww and i don't want to run on the tredmills and fall on my face like on a tv show. i'd be so embarassed. and it would hurt. i can't run on those treadmills. i'm not coordinated enough to do that and listen to my earphones and sing MY hUMPS in my head and watch the tvs with no sound and worry about what people are thinking of me and check my heart rate all at the same time.
HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO IT. HOW DO YOU RUN ON TREADMILLS.
and that m y friend is the question of the day. how DO you people run on treadmills.
SHIT.
shoot.
well goodnight. any advice is welcomed.
4 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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m&ms487
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2007 10 October :: 6.00am
I have a class soon, and a book I need to read to write a paper that was due yesterday.
Last night, when I was walking back from university band, I stepped on a leaf and it crunched, and I very much enjoyed it.
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You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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.j.e.s.s.
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2007 9 October :: 6.29pm
i'm quite sure one of the many reasons i am not doing well in this stupid one night a week, three hour class is that there are computers in here. this a fricken computer lab. not a classroom. dude. seriously. it's 6 at night-there are plenty of other classrooms but no they stick us in a classroom with computers with access to facebook and myspace and woohu and email. ughghghhh and then the boredom hits and i'm online.
i've never done so bad in school. i think it's a sign. i shouldn't be a nurse. i doubt i can handle it. i'm compassionate but i'm too compasionate i cry whenever someone else gets tears in their eyes. i'd be walking around crying 24/7 and my waterproof makeup wouldn't hold up and also would clog my pores.
fuck you davenport .....i have such mixed feelings towards you- you gave me so much money and a good oppurtunity but no choices.
i think maybe we should break up. how do you feel about that davenport? i think maybe you are no good for me and i am getting no where being with you.
is anyone good at statistics? i'm not.
i really should just leave this class. i think i may. there's no point in me being here. i leave with pointless notes that i never ever look at. they mean nothing to me.
damnit.
stupid college. What else could i do with my life? seriously i dont think i would be good at anything. i'll be a good mom and that's really pretty much it.
i duno. gotta check homework i'm sure i'll be back
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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m&ms487
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2007 9 October :: 1.08pm
Today is nice and calm and blue and a little cloudy, and not at all evil and sticky and gross like the past few days.
I have a feeling, somewhere in me, that I can't put a finger on, but I know it's there. I hate that, not being able to identify what I feel.
I signed my major today. I am officially an English major going for a Bachelor of Science in Education, Secondary Certification degree...thing. I'm going to sign my minor in a few days, I think. I need to get this stuff done, especially since the new bill came out for Higher Education that has some stuff in it about tuition assistance for to-be teachers. I need that! ME! Right here!!
I feel _____ .
What is that blank? I feel....straight line? I feel, underscore? I feel.....blank? White? Spacey? Wiped out?
No. Not really. Sometimes I hate that I only have seventyish years on this planet, and I've already used up about one third of them. What have I done in my one third of a life time? Prepared for the second third, I guess. Is that a waste? I'm not sure. What if the second third ends up being about preparing for the third third...and what if the third third is preparing for death...then am I just living my whole life to die? Always preparing for a moment that will never come. What am I trying to achieve? What is the goal? Yes, to have a job, a car, a house, a family maybe....but...why? To have a stable life for the future? What future? I'm afraid that I will have lived my life constantly trying to over achieve in a world that doesn't notice me.
I have poured my emotions into this text box so many times...
just an observation.
I don't understand how I function. I don't believe that there is an afterlife in the Christian sense of the word. I don't believe in a heaven or a hell...maybe a little waiting room with Cosmo and National Geographic magazines from 1988.
What keeps me from being totally depressed about living a whole life, and then just dying, like i was never here in the first place? How do i not be upset when I waste days doing things that I hate, because I know that I will never get those days back?
I know what the meaning of life is: ______________ .
I am feeling rushed.
4 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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tare
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2007 9 October :: 9.43am
I knew being patient would work out. =]
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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.j.e.s.s.
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2007 8 October :: 12.06am
So today i was in a really horrible mood. really life isn't that bad. i am just really really stressed and overwhelmed. i have too much stuff going on.
what it comes down to is that i am horrible at making decisions. and yeah
gosh now i forgot what i was going to say.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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.j.e.s.s.
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2007 7 October :: 6.53pm
what the hell is a wedding anyway.
fuck this shit . i need a mother fucking vacation i swear to god if i wouldn't lose my scholarship i would leave this stupid fucking country in an instant. fuck the sholarship, i'm going to lose it anyway because there is no god damn way i'm passing that fucking class. who the fuck am i kidding whydidn't i just enroll in chic or some shit so i could actually have some income by now. seriously how the hell do people even fucking do it. theres no fucking way . i'd say i shoudl move back in with my parents but fuck it they are moving to florida anyway so too god damn late for me.
2 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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.j.e.s.s.
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2007 6 October :: 7.21pm
okay so red flannel is like scary and loud and ugly
and i dont know if i can go to one ever again. it had good parts and i liked the band competition but i couldn't wait to leave. i know, bad right but i duno
whatev
1 comment |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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m&ms487
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2007 5 October :: 12.24am
I have a communication theory exam tomorrow morning that I'm not prepared for. I have a speech to give on monday that I'm not prepared for. I need to start doing some preparation!
Oh man.
So...I got the brother of the month award, which is pretty awesome, but not so awesome because it doesn't mean anything to anybody but me.
whatever.
I need to go study: relational dialectics! proxemics! symbolic interactionism! oh the horror...
1 comment |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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m&ms487
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2007 3 October :: 1.54pm
"Everything will exist, move, separate in a river of change which in that instant will dissolve it, age, and corrupt everything without a single voice to sound the alarm...The sun is burning itself alive, iron is crumbling into dust, aimless energy is dissipating in space, masses are wearing out in radiation, the earth is cooling into death...And you will wait for a mulatto and an animal, to cross the mountain and begin to live, to fill time, execute the steps and gestures of a macabre game in which life will advance as life dies; a dance of madness in which time will devour time and no one alive can halt, the irreversible course of death...The boy, the earth, the universe: in those three, someday there will be no light, no heat, no life...There will be only total, forgotten oneness, nameless, without a man to give it a name: space and time, matter and energy all fused into one....And all things will have the same name...None"
From The Death of Artemio Cruz
by Carlos Fuentes
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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m&ms487
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2007 2 October :: 10.52am
So, I woke up extra early to read the rest of my novel and write my paper. I read for an hour, all grumpy that I'm up, and I finally decide I'm going to skip my first class so i can go to the library to write my paper. I get to the library, check my email, and the class that I had to write the paper for was canceled.
I had a feeling.
Oh, and I was walking back from class, and there were these two people standing at one of the main intersection side walks with big signs about signing a petition for a ballet initiative for medical marijuana, so i signed it.
This has been a good morning.
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You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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