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m&ms487
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2007 17 April :: 4.58pm
I'm sitting here, listening to music, burning a purple candle and reading over my term paper for literary analysis [see few posts previous]. I have more papers to write, but I haven't yet. I'm just enjoying playing with my candle wax. It's very soothing. And purple.
I was reading over my paper and thinking about what my professor said to me when I went to his office yesterday. He was telling me about how his wife was in Ohio defending her thesis. He said, "I'm telling you all this only because I have a feeling you will be doing this in the near future."
Doctorate. Getting a Doctorate. That's what he was talking about. Me. Getting a Doctorate. He thinks I could...I will...
I wish I had enough money. I wouldn't hesitate. I just...I don't...I can't. It's not feasible. I have to become a teacher and pay off my debts and become an adult, and, who am I kidding? What you truly want to do is never what you can do. It's what I learned in kindergarten:
No one ever said life had to be fair.
And it's not. We live in a society with a myth that's alive and well that you can work your way up. That may be true, but it's very unlikely. The rest of us just get to sit here, potential wasted, living at the hand of an unfeeling, unjust, and uncaring capitalist society.
10 comment..choose the best time |
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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m&ms487
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2007 14 April :: 11.57pm
:: Mood: calm
I officially became a brother of Kappa Kappa Psi this afternoon. Now I am an active member. There was lots of cool stuff that happened that I can't talk about, which is a little lonely, but understandable. I know I'm finally around people that understand how I feel about music, and that is the best feeling in the world.
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You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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.j.e.s.s.
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2007 14 April :: 2.37pm
JUSTINE
I was wondering if I could possibly use some of your pictures for my final project in my computers class. It's an online class and probably only me and my professor would see them. I would probably use them in a Powerpoint thing i have to do.
the project is like... you have to pretend you're an IT professional or something and I am in a "video production department" and i decide what we buy and all this crap and i decided to buy a canon rebel because well... i dont know! i think that is the one you use right? and so i decided to use that and i said like i had a friend that takes wonderful pictures with it and blah blah blah and i said that you go to university of the arts but i'm not sure if thats what it is called and i couldn't AHH okay i'm not making any sense
but i would like to know if i could use a few of your photos
i would like to know the name of the school you are attending and where it's located
and thats it.
thanks justine
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You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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Iron-Cipher
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2007 13 April :: 8.47pm
why do I feel so alone lately? I know it sounds emo but I really do mean it since I have been hanging around 40 feet in the air on a power line the last couple days. If I died would anyone know? No seriously how long would it take for anyone to even find out, it would be the end of the day before my supervisor did if not longer prolly not till the next day when I don't come back or the day after. Then they would have to call my parents if they are even on my emergency contact list. Then who knows rachel is in France and my parents wouldn't know how to get ahold of her and might not even tell her till she got back and everyone else only heres about me if I say it or it goes through the grape vine. Like I said it is a little emo but I really do wonder what if my ladder gave way, or the line snapped, or if there was too much aprerage on the line or a thousand other things like getting in a car accident. I don't know, I just know I feel really alone right now.
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You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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m&ms487
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2007 11 April :: 1.44am
:: Mood: cold
The crisp air feels soothing coming through the window this time at night. It penetrates the room with a sense of belonging.
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Iron-Cipher
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2007 9 April :: 8.43pm
just in case I didn't mention it I work at Comcast now. I am a technician. Anyway now you know I have been quiet about it for the last month and a half but I figured I mine as well mention it.
You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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m&ms487
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2007 9 April :: 3.36pm
:: Mood: amused
The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her if she is pretty, and to some one else if she is plain.
-Oscar Wilde From The Importance of Being Earnest
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You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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.j.e.s.s.
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2007 6 April :: 10.28pm
today i listened to the get up kids and the 311 transistor cd.
good stuff
who can't love amber?
woah ohhhhhhhhh...
right now brandon and roman are playing video games. we went to craigs cruisers and had lots of fun and got a cute picture in the photobooth .
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You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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.j.e.s.s.
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2007 2 April :: 7.55pm
god i hate being alone.
i should have just went with roman to his mom's house.
god some people can be such fake stupid jerks. how am i supposed to be friends with someone who treats me like shit like that. TOTALLY UNRELIABLE. i seriously will not be able to have her in my wedding because i honestly don't trust that something wouldn't "come up" where she'd need to skip out on the big day. god i fucking swear. so fucking annoying. the last fight we fricken got in was because she ALWAYS and i mean ALWAYS fucking cancels on me, but no, she does it AGAIN the next time we hang out. and then fucking doens't pick up my calls or call me back. i'm not a fucking idiot. i knwo you fucking look at your phone like 15 times in 20 minutes and i know you fucking have your phone on you AT ALL TIMES. half the time we hang out you're texting someone anyway. so do you really think you're fucking fooling me or something when you don't pick up the phone and dont return my calls? like i am just supposed to think you didn't look at your phone or you "lost" it again. YEAH RIGHT. poeople don't lose their phone that much and people dont leave their phones at peoples houses that much and people don't "forget" to charge their phones that much. god i am so pissed off because i dont want to fight with you but i have no choice when you treat me like shit!!!!
do you realize we dind't even have any time to catch up when you came over because you "would rather sleep alone" which is a total lie, you just wanted to be alone even though you were "so tired" so that you could call someone else and get on the internet all night. what the hell is that? we didn't even have anytime to talk that whole night and then when you say you're coming back the next day you fucking bail on me and change the plans AND you tell me you're just hanging out with someone else but in fact you are going to a party instead. god that is mean. and then you tell me you'll bring me my stuff the next day "around 2" so what do i do? i fucking wait around my fucking apartment doing NOTHING waiting for you and hmm 2 oclock goes by, then 3, then 4 then i say fuck you and leave to do my own thing but not before claling you only to get your answering machine. funny me, i thought if you wouldn't be able to make it you'd have the decency to pick up your phone for 2 god damn minutes and just tell me you wrent coming over afterall but no you leave me fucking hang ing AGAIN. god i can't believe it
and the time before that the whole time i was at work i was all loooking forward to hanging out and thinking about how we were gonna go on a bike ride and i couldn't wait to get some fresh air and it'd be fun to catch up but then you fucking cancel
god i am done ranting it's not fucking worth my time. GOd i am so pissed at you. you are RUDE and INCONSIDERATE and a LIAR. work on that.
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You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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2007 2 April :: 6.16pm
cool look i'm on davenport's website neato
for real that's me, looking down- it's from the photo shoot from a long time ago...
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You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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m&ms487
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2007 2 April :: 3.25pm
Today has been one of those days that float by without much thought or interest. At least in classes. I left my flute in one of my English classes, and I didn't realize it until I was getting my stuff to leave the class afterward. Luckily, someone turned it in to the English Department office, and all was well.
I have so many papers to write and assignments to do, but I'm lagging a bit behind. I like the feeling when I'm finished, but I just can't seem to get up the motivation to do it. I have all the ideas in my head, and I actually do enjoy writing them, I just have to make myself sit down and do it. I know, it's a common problem for many people.
I'm coming home next weekend for Easter, so that should be fun, except my family doesn't really celebrate Easter any more. I also get to hang out with pips and just have a weekend away from the dorm (yes!).
I haven't had much to say lately, I'm in a state of paralysis, emotionally and intellectually. I don't know how to describe it much more than that. It's nice, I don't really worry about much, or think about things, and it's less stressful, but it makes me feel like a bad person, a waste, merely floating by watching the scenery. Inactive. I think most of my [our] generation is in this paralysis, but they don't realize it. It seems much better to sit back and watch life go by, filling the hours with jokes and friends, and avoiding any real intellectual stimulation for the simple reason that it hurts. It hurts to realize that you could be wasting your life. It hurts to question your faith and your ideals and your direction in life. It's much more gratifying to sit back and enjoy life, accept, assume, do nothing.
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You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines..
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