:: 2018 29 August :: 2.12 pm

you either are important or you aren't

you either matter to someone or you don't

I'm always in the "not" category

and it hurts, but trying harder just looks desperate, and I don't know how to do less than what I do. I'm just a non entity. I'm fading into nothing. I don't speak I don't care I just feel sad and lonely.

and I know it'll only get worse. I know I'll be the worst mom. I know I'll die in child birth. I know I'll have a miscarriage. I know I'm sterile.

why do I even exist

I am a meaningless creature on a meaningless planet in an infinite expanse of nothing.

how do I fix this?

are you reaching out

:: 2018 29 August :: 8.24 am

why is it that I always manage to convince myself that my bf is gay and in love with another man?????

it happens every time. am I crazy? am I imagining it?

is it just my insecurities about not being a man? maybe I was just supposed to be a man. idk.

life is so confusing.

are you reaching out

:: 2018 26 August :: 12.52 pm

this country is so fucking fucked.

are you reaching out

:: 2018 22 August :: 9.45 pm

I'm so freaking frustrated I want to scream.

there just no being happy. if I do one thing I suffer in another way.

I need to find a therapist.

are you reaching out

:: 2018 19 August :: 11.01 pm

maybe it'll never be enough

maybe it's just me

2 night time trust fallnight time trust falls | are you reaching out