:: 2024 22 July :: 8.53 am

Friday we will be a month old!

yesterday we got her frenulums in her mouth cut. she seems to be doing okay, definitely is eating the bottle better... been too scared to try to breast feed her though, maybe I'll try late today haha

it's been over 100° every day for the past few weeks here. I want to go out and walk but it's just simply too hot for me. I had heat stroke once as a kid and it was fucking awful. I don't remember there being multiple weeks of this weather before... I hope it's not like this forever.

an assassination attempt and a withdrawal due to mental deficiency. what the fuck is going on in America?

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:: 2024 7 July :: 1.59 pm

thanks for your support friend, it's very a wild ride. we are now a week and two days old and getting into a rhythm. still feeling exhausted and working hard to get my milk to come in..

it's hard not to feel like a failure even though it's common to have a hard time breast feeding. is just the rejection when she refuses me. but that's okay. she's a person and likes what she likes haha

she's really very precious, and not very fussy at all. she hates being cold and hates having a dirty diaper. she's eating really well and has a cute lil belly now.

can't help but wonder who she'll be.

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:: 2024 2 July :: 9.20 am

motherhood is hard. I swear I cry as much as this baby does.

I totally failed at breastfeeding.
I fail every time to calm her down.
I have never felt like a bigger failure in my entire life.

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:: 2024 28 June :: 5.14 pm

we welcomed our beautiful baby girl to the world today. one day after our wedding anniversary!

the birth didn't go anywhere near as planned...

I had to be induced due to high blood pressure.

after using a Foley balloon, 12 hours of pitocin and breaking my water, I wasn't progressing in my labor.

the epidural took two professionals and 9 stabs to get placed.

then I was immediately taken to the operating room for a cesarian section.

the staff was absolutely wonderful, and I wouldn't change a single thing. our baby is perfect and I am just in awe that I could make something so special.

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:: 2024 11 June :: 3.44 pm

so fucking stressed. no relief in sight.

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