alexithymia
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2014 7 June :: 1.54am
I'm wide awake when I should be going to sleep for work tomorrow. Instead I'm looking at recipes on pinterest and planning all the ones I will try in my new apt.
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alexithymia
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2014 5 June :: 12.08am
Come home to find a notice on my door saying they are showing my current apt tomorrow at 3. Mass panic ensues to make sure everything looks nice instead of like I'm packing and a bomb has gone off in my apt*
* Also panic of taking Zigen to the shop tomorrow so they don't realize I have three cats instead of two. Zigen will not be pleased.
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alexithymia
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2014 1 June :: 11.05am
This upcoming weekend and the following will be spent cleaning up my apt and packing, then the next weekend will be the big move. Pretty excited to be moving into my new apt. Ready to enjoy a brighter more open space. Once in, my goal is to 100% change my life around. I'm going to start doing Yoga, go to the farmer market thats just across the way every Saturday and start making healthier food choices. I also think I may have found a possible psychiatrist, all the reviews of her are really good so I just have to see if she is accepting new patients and book an apt. I'm also going to look into going back to school, which means applying for financial aid. Hopefully, I can qualify for that.
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alexithymia
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2014 25 May :: 10.59am
Tonight after work I'm going to start pre-sorting my stuff. Throwing stuff out and pre-packing stuff that will go to the new apt but that I can survive without. That means memorial day is going to be spent doing the same thing. If I can get a jump start on it the move shouldn't be too stressful.
Thinking I might start making my beaded stir sticks once I'm in my new apt and selling them on etsy.
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catatonicsean
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2014 23 May :: 6.59am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Avskum - There is No Need For Crying
My ladylove has committed herself.
After two weeks of struggling with money-woes and quotidian stress, she finally broke and checked into the loony bin - conveniently located a few blocks from where we dwell. When she'll return, who can tell?
Neither one of us has a pot to piss in, nor the requisite window from which to toss aforementioned piss, and this vexes her beyond what she will tolerate. As of late, her bipolar type 1 has accused me of being incompetent and useless, and frankly, her bipolar type 1 has been whacking the metaphorical nail right on it's cocksucking head. Goddamn that nail, and may it never find itself exposed to the open air again now that it's been driven into the metaphorical plank of wood.
So anyhow...I visited her last evening and we spent the visiting hour coloring in a coloring book. Well, truth be told, I colored in the book while she giggled as I turned an innocuous activity designed to soothe the burning nerves and brains of the mentally damaged and unstable into a mock-Satanic grimoire of immature humor. We also shared some candid laughs at the expense of her fellow inmates, and took an opportunity to paw at one another when no one was looking. Next thing we knew, the staff was informing me that Time Was Up, and we exchanged our sentiments of "We should have fucked before I went in here..." and "True, but it seemed inappropriate to mention that before you committed yourself."
Kissing; groping; farewells; "See you tomorrow."
So now I'm home, and I haven't slept for almost two days, and have spent an inordinate amount of time looking at her FB pictures and masturbating as if I were an adolescent.
The strange thing is that I find it totally normal visiting the woman I plan to marry in the booby-hatch while I go sleep at home and wander the city streets during daylight hours seeking some crummy occupation so I can loathe it with every fiber of my being.
This is the world I have known since I can remember, and dammit, I like it this way.
are you reaching out
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