I find I still let the past have way to much control over the present and therefore it defines my future.

I envy my friends who even in the depth of depression still find ways to live their lives. They go out, meet new people make new friends. Whereas, I hide behind a computer screen, rarely talking to anyone either online or out in the world.

I let the words and actions of my closest childhood friends define me. I convinced myself their words were true and that no one could possibly actually like me. That it's just a matter of time before those I know stab me in the back. I convinced myself that as an unloveable entity it was best to withdraw into myself.

I want so desperately to let it all go and to live up to all the potential I had as a child, but I fear it is to late. That I have lost any skills I once had that were of value.