Here's my thing...
I never realized how easy it would be to say goodbye. That got me thinking...

If I could disperse with that aspect of my life with such ease, could this thinking be applied elsewhere? Next target, my relentless need for perfection and completion. I'm quickly realizing that when it comes to school, my worst fears have been realized: my workload/program has finally passed my ability to bullshit my way through it. I realize now that from here on out I'm going to have to put my nose to the grindstone and punch this thing out. In order to survive, I'm going to have to adapt to being able to cope while doing so (AHH!!! So many prepositional phrases!!!). I've discovered that here, with no safety net and nobody holding me up (except for myself), that my old reactions, habits, and behavioral contingencies will make me miserable if I don't get them in check. They've already done so to a large extent; my current mood is much more than just a mid-term crunch. If I scale myself back quite a bit, and take this whole thing a little slower, I just might be able to make it work. You know what I feel like? I feel like a pro football rookie who, although he was the star in college, is finding that the NFL is literally a different ballgame. It's an incredibly humbling experience (i.e. I feel like an idiot most of the time), but the little man inside me suggests that it's not a bad thing (although I still want to punch him in the mouth).

The short version of this whole thing: I need to stop trying to reinvent the wheel.

I've got a tattoo that embodies my need for completion, and now I want one to signify the disarray and chaos of life. I'd like one to complement the other. Any suggestions?

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