::
2005 11 June :: 8.33 pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: *The Future Freaks Me Out*- Motion City Soundtrack (compliments of Stephanie Ann Russo)
Life & Such...from Ava
the following is an entry in someone I don't personally know, but have heard about & seen pictures of. She seems really cool, and I know that alot of what she said, if you change a few words or places or people, it fits my life so well too....so, thanks Ava, hopefully I'll meet you some day...:o)
I always thought that my most life changing year would be later on in life, but somehow I think this year is going to take the cake. With the new year just around the corner, I have this sudden urge to recap the top 10 lessons I've learned this year. Bare with me.
1) It's always good to have an open mind (about life).
My momma has always told me that someone with a narrow mind is someone that will never really live fully. I hate to sound cheesy, but I never really understood that until this year. I have had such high expectations of everything this year, from friends to camp to boys to school to family to just about everything, and it was all completely different from what I wanted, whether it be good or bad. I've had so many surprises that made me open my mind and make me see things from the other side. When I talk to my parents about issues in the world, no matter their beliefs, they always give the pros and cons of every side of the story before sharing their own opinions. They only truly disagree/agree with something after they have all the information and have seen things from all perspectives. I love that about my family. I can honestly say that, although I have my awful moments, my parents have raised my sister and I very well. And I think all their preaching about open mindedness has really sunk in this year.
2) Some people are just stupid.
There are always going to be people that talk out of their asses for attention. They'll befriend you, use you, cheat, gossip, and then lie about it. They come off as the sweetest person in world, but then the gloves come off and all that's left are claws. I know a girl who is very smart, but she is most definately the fakest person I have ever met. She befriends people to get what she wants, and then she most likely talks about them behind their backs. I do think, however, that with a little soul mending, she could be a great friend/person/etc. She's fun and nice when she wants to be, if she channelled that into a whole new spectrum of personality, I could see myself and many others liking her a lot more than we do now.
3) Love is surreal. (be warned, this one is gonna be cheesy and probably a little dramatic.)
As much as I wanted to believe it back then, I was never truly in love with anyone until this year. Love is so tricky. It sneaks up behind you and slaps you across the face. And once you get past the amazing and yet terrifying moments of realizing you're in love, everything is back to normal. Love is feeling so comfortable with someone, that loving them and vice versa is more than enough. You're not obsessed and you don't forget your life. You're in love. And you never forget it. Love always lingers in your heart, even if time has passed and you're completely over it. It's memory never really fades. And that makes love so beautiful, even the most majestic words could not describe it, and I don't want to taint it by trying to any more than I already have.
4) Lust makes you do crazy things.
I never really experienced lust until this year, either. Lust took over my mind and I went crazy with it. Lust is even trickier than love. It captures you and every part of your sanity. It erases all the problems in your life, and you became captivated with your object of desire. It starts and ends so fast, you barely know what hit you. And it's fun. Oh man, is it fun. How could it not be? All you focus on are the amazing feelings that have taken over your mind, body, and soul. The bad part, however, is that you are so enthralled with lust that you forget important things in life that should never be forgotten. From this, I've learned to take infatuation and lust with a grain of salt until I can be sure that it may be love. Now, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade it for anything, honestly, and I will always remember it. But, you shouldn't let it take over your life.
5) It's always good to have an open mind (about the world).
Obviously this year has been huge politcs wise. If I had been old enough to vote this year, I would've been very confused about who to vote for. That isn't my point though. My point is that, before making an educated choice, one would have to look at things from all sides of the spectrum. I'm absolutly positive that most of America did the exact opposite. People, myself included, can get so stuck in their ways that nothing will ever change their minds or make them think twice. it makes me sad that even with all the technology and modern things in our lives, our brains and opinions have yet to become as advanced. I doubt this will ever change, but you can make the first steps by keeping your mind open.
6) Religion is the most complicated, touchy subject in the world.
For me, I'm Jewish because my family is Jewish. I honestly have no idea what being Jewish really means, besides the fact that we don't believe that Jesus is the Mesiah. I'm not really sure if I can even say that I believe everything that Judaism represents. I struggled with this all summer and I came to the conclusion that my faith is a day-by-day discovery. Judaism is my main faith, but I've got some sort of Ava-Jewish-Religion thing going on in my head. However, I don't think most of the world is cut out to having one religion per person. People look to their religions for hope and support. I wish that religion didn't cause all of the world's problems though, because religion can be such a beautiful thing. This is where open-mindedness can come into play. I really enjoy talking to my friends about their beliefs. I had a conversation with Hei-yue about religion once, and I hung up the phone feeling informed and a little more knowledgable about who she is and how she relates to the world. See? Isn't that a beautiful feeling?
7) We really are as young as they tell us.
Yesterday, I was with camp people on the T and some crazy old guy came on and starting calling us young kids. And then I thought about it, and even though I feel so adult sometimes, we really are so young. I mean, we have our whole lives ahead of us. However, just because we are young does not mean we are not capable of feeling things that adults feel. I hate when people say, "You're too young to understand." It's the most bullshit repsonse I have ever heard. But, regardless of the bitterness of all that, I love being able to embrace my youth and know that it really is youth. I won't be able to feel that way when I'm 30.
8) Parents are people.
This year I realized that my parents have feelings. They had lives before I existed. They have lives now. Maybe this realization will help me respect them more.
9) I will never have friends like I have at Camp Micah.
They aren't really my friends. They are my family. Living with people for two months for 5 summers in a row can do that. I love them as much as I love my own flesh and blood, if not more. I can't even describe how much I love them, so I'm not going to try.
10) It's hard to look past the superficial things.
I've given up on trying to see past superficial things completely. I'm always going to worry about how my hair looks or if my clothes match, but at least now I realize that worrying changes nothing and I have to accept myself and everyone else for the way they are. I guess it's okay to think about superficial things as long as you know that there is more to life than that.
It's 3:45 in the morning, and I'm not even close to tired. But I won't babble on for any longer because I don't think I'm making much sense anymore. Goodnight, I love you.
*Ava*
::cut me open...:: |